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10 January 2012 @ 06:39 pm
[Poll] 2012  
I am so tired there is a real chance I will just fall over right here instead of doing the many things I need to do before I can sleep tonight. And I have an inexplicable wrist injury. Poll time!

But first some explanatory text.

I rarely make New Year's resolutions. I am exceedingly demand resistant, so wanting to do a thing + intending to do a thing + basically ordering myself to do a thing = that thing will never be done by me. My deep, instinctive reaction to any order - even, like, "Duck!" - is, "I won't, and also fuck you," and that is absolutely true even if I am doing the ordering. (Or even if it's a lie. One year an acquaintance, who is very nice but sort of obsessed with growthfulness, and yes she does use exactly that word, asked me what my resolution was. Rather than tell the truth, which I knew would lead to a sincere, intense discussion of stagnation vs. blossoming, I told her my goal was to review every book I read for the year on GoodReads. And even though that was total bullshit, that year I stopped using GoodReads. I really am just that difficult.)

Occasionally, however, there will be a thing that fits into the tiny, tiny margin in my brain where resolutions are okay. I am not sure what qualifies a thing to go in there; it's just something I know. The last resolution I made was in 2005, and it was "Check the mail every day." (See, I would think, "Well, but I don't have time to sort the mail, so I should wait." The next day I would think, "Well, but I don't have time to sort a lot of mail, so I should wait." You can see how this goes.) I hoped that checking the mail daily would stop our mail carrier from hating us quite so intensely, and although that didn't work - I think the key there would have been having no dogs, or possibly getting no mail - I did get the mail every day for a year.

Or rather, that was the last resolution I made until this year. My current resolution is considerably more embarrassing, but I will tell you, because I am too tired to know any better. See. Okay. When you have a small child, there are certain - um - look. My resolution this year is "Remember to close the door all the way when you're going to the bathroom." Because when the earthling was able to get around, but not able to turn door handles, leaving the door cracked prevented him from spending the three minutes I was in the bathroom pressed against the door, miserable and alone and separated from Mama oh NO. But the earthling has been able to turn door handles with confidence for more than a year. And this holiday season I noticed that I had to make a great effort to remember to close the bathroom door when there were people in the house (besides BB and the earthling, I mean); it was like in the early months of the earthling's life, when I was breastfeeding so much that it took conscious, sustained effort for me to wear a shirt in the house.

I don't want to be that person. So: bathroom door closed this year, thank you.

But I feel kind of - envious, comparing this resolution to all the sincere efforts at self-improvement I see going on around me. I know that charts and goals and SMART objectives and comparables just cannot work like that for me, but it does look fun. I mean, I would totally join you except I am actually secretly a thirteen-year-old girl, and I do not mean silly or whatever people usually mean by that; I mean I am still, in some ways, the girl I was at 13: sullen and obstinate and willing to cut off her own legs if anyone, even for a moment, suggested it would be better not to. (True fact: every single time someone refers to a grown person as a thirteen-year-old girl in a work of fan fiction, I do not picture some ridiculous melodramatic love-obsessed naïf. I picture teeth and claws. It's confusing.)

So I cannot post about goals and so on. It would be futile. But all your goal posts (Hee! Oh, man, when I am tired I am so funny. To myself, I mean.) made me wonder: what would really make things better for you in the next year? If you had, like, a New Year's Wish instead of a New Year's Resolution, what would it be? (Yes, this is mostly so I can work on my When I Am Ruler of the Universe plans. What do you do when you're exhausted?) I am referring strictly to changes in you, by the way; change in other people is Beyond the Scope of the Poll.




Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment count unavailable comments.
 
 
lacking in glittertawg on January 11th, 2012 03:55 am (UTC)
I do associate Benedict Cumberbatch's face with that of a horse, but that's less to do with length of the face and more to do with the space between his eyes. Horses have a lot of space between their eyes. And so does he. Also, he looks like someone who would really enjoy eating an apple.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:07 am (UTC)
...Now every time I look at Sherlock, I'm going to imagine him eating an apple. Or sugar cubes. Thank you! This is going to be AWESOME.
Erin: logantingler on January 11th, 2012 05:45 am (UTC)
(True fact: every single time someone refers to a grown person as a thirteen-year-old girl in a work of fan fiction, I do not picture some ridiculous melodramatic love-obsessed naïf. I picture teeth and claws. It's confusing.)

True fact: that's because thirteen-year-old girls are among the most vicious and vindictive life forms in the known universe.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV brownthefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:08 am (UTC)
TRUE FACT.
keerawakeerawa on January 11th, 2012 08:41 am (UTC)
(True fact: every single time someone refers to a grown person as a thirteen-year-old girl in a work of fan fiction, I do not picture some ridiculous melodramatic love-obsessed naïf. I picture teeth and claws. It's confusing.)
*laughs* I took it the other direction at that age, and decided that, given my nature, I was obviously NOT a girl.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:08 am (UTC)
See, I looked at the girls around me, and decided I was obviously not HUMAN. We all analyze data differently!
T Verano: flowers-1t_verano on January 11th, 2012 12:31 pm (UTC)
"demand resistant" -- I read that paragraph and just... I need that t-shirt, so much. I would totally do something like the 'no Goodreads' thing under such circumstances. (Well, throw in a massive amount of guilt-to-my-grave-and-beyond. For -- I can only assume -- embellishment. My demand resistance seems to, um, *demand* embellishment...)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:10 am (UTC)
Well, throw in a massive amount of guilt-to-my-grave-and-beyond. For -- I can only assume -- embellishment. My demand resistance seems to, um, *demand* embellishment...

I hear you. Totally. My own way of dealing is to hang a lampshade on it; when I say out loud, "I am being demand resistant," I get less so. Presumably because that is like a demand to BE demand resistant. OH BRAINS WHY SO SQUIRRELLY?
caress your associative mind: bsg Kara & Laura gigglemindyfromohio on January 11th, 2012 01:41 pm (UTC)
I haven't had too much trouble with my inner 13-year-old ever since I took her to that Duran Duran concert.
Clever Manka: not my lifeclevermanka on January 11th, 2012 03:26 pm (UTC)
My inner 13-year-old is jealous as hell of yours.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV glowythefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:10 am (UTC)
...If I did that with my inner 13 year old, my sister's inner 13 year old would NEVER FORGIVE ME.
cranberryinkcranberryink on January 12th, 2012 01:52 am (UTC)
I was breastfeeding so much that it took conscious, sustained effort for me to wear a shirt in the house

Hahaha, as someone who just started breastfeeding, THIS. It's hard to remember to put a shirt back on!
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV Katamari Damacythefourthvine on January 13th, 2012 06:12 am (UTC)
I have probably already shared this story somewhere, but - when the earthling was like five months old, my brother-in-law came over to the house to fix something. And when I told BB this over the phone, she said, very delicately, "Um... did you have a shirt on while K was there?" Because she knew that I was normally shirtless, and also answering the door shirtless fairly regularly, and she just wanted to make sure I hadn't terrified poor K. (I hadn't! GO ME.)