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06 August 2004 @ 01:55 am
Slashy Nominations 73: Unto the Pure, All Things Are Pure  
The subtitle of today's entry should either be "Everything That Is Wrong with FF Today" or "Everything That Is Right with FF Today." Depending on, you know, your perspective. Because today I am exploring that very pure thing: pure, pure smut.

Yes, I'm talking about everyone's favorite maligned fan fiction genre: porn without plot. Or, if you prefer, plot? What plot? (I myself prefer the former, but everyone else on Earth appears to prefer the latter. Since this is an entirely me-centrist LJ, I'll be going with my own preference here.)

PWP is like free verse; anyone with a sixth-grade vocabulary can write it, but it takes real talent to write it well. And bad PWP, like bad poetry, is excruciating to read. There's a lot of bad PWP out there, I'm sorry to report, which has given rise to the common perception that PWP fan fiction is all awful. It isn't.

At least, it isn't for those of us sitting over in the pervert corner.

Best FF That Demonstrates the Use of Batsuit Body Armor as a Sex Toy, and a Damn Fine One, Too. But Then, I Always Suspected as Much. Dodge-Town, by shrift. D.C. Universe, Dick Grayson (Nightwing)/Tim Drake (Robin III). This is another sex pollen story; someday someone will explain to me why sex pollen works so very, very well. And someone else will explain why there aren't way more sex pollen stories than there already are. And then I will understand the mysteries of the universe. But what's fantastic about this particular sex pollen fic? I assume you mean aside from the inherent appeal of Nightwing on sex pollen, which is one of those things that requires no discussion; another one, of course, is Tim (Tim of the evening, beautiful Tim!) managing a sex-pollen'd Nightwing. Otherwise - well, did I mention the lovely, lovely sex? I mean, yes, goes without saying in PWP, but still - smut. Smut good! And this story has one of my very favorite morning-after sequences. All real-life mornings after should be like this one: full of excess carbohydrates and motorcycles and totally angst-free. (Join me, won't you, in Citizens for an Angst-Free Tomorrow? I'm the recording secretary of the Morning After Subcommittee, and we have excellent refreshments at all our meetings. They are chock full of Bad Carbs, but no one is allowed to feel guilty.)

Best FF That Demonstrates the Use of Pretty Much Every Aspect of Singing on Stage as a Sex Toy. And, Yes, Most Concerts Also Do That, but This FF Does It Better. Much, Much Better. Swim, by Sheila, aka mimesere. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oz/Devon. Yes. And why not? Devon is a lead singer, people, and while I may not be a popslash reader, I know one thing: after a few years of publicly deep-throating a microphone, lead singers just naturally swing all possible ways. Or maybe that's only in my own overheated little world. But Devon must be a total slut, people; I mean, I suppose I'd be willing to entertain a rebuttal for the sake of inclusiveness, but I don't think you'll persuade me. (Opinions expressed here absolutely do represent those of the management of this specific LJ. Responsible opposing viewpoints - and especially irresponsible ones - may be submitted care of the comments section. They will not be edited for clarity, because coherence is over-rated. No warranty is expressed or implied. Read at your own risk. And for god's sake don't use a hair dryer while you're taking a bath; I'm not sure why this needs to be stated, but judging from my hair dryer's documentation, that's the very first use that springs to the average owner's mind.) I sort of forgot where I was going with this, which is the hidden danger of legal disclaimers, so you'll just have to explore this story on your own. But here's a hint: this night, Devon wants Oz on his knees, incoherent and begging. And when it comes to sex, Devon always gets what he wants. Note that this fic stops before the characters get down to the serious sex, and it still manages to be PWP. Be impressed, folks.

Best FF That Demonstrates the Use of Denim as a Sex Toy. Really, It Should Be a Law: These Guys Are Only Allowed to Wear Jeans If They're Willing to Have Sex in Them. Sadistic Sons of Bitches in Jeans, by Caroline Baker, aka linabean, and Lizard, aka adannu. Sports Night, Dan Rydell/Casey McCall (because the world would end if it wasn't, no?). We join this sex scene already in progress, and if there was ever a good use of the in media res technique, this would be it. (Oh, sure, some people would point to various Star Wars movies as the, excuse me, stellar in media res examples. They clearly haven't read this fic. Or seen The Phantom Menace, especially the Love and Sand Sequence, which induces rashes and madness in all who behold it.) Because, really, when you eliminate all the detail about how they got together and how they got in bed and who said what to whom and when and why, what's left is the essence of smut. (Essence of Smut, by Calvin Klein. I want to see some print ads for that perfume, I tell you.) Though I think this story is an excellent specimen of the genus fan fiction, species PWP, it may actually be too smutty for those of you lot who just can't do without some redeeming value in your smut. If that's you, well, you have my sympathy. And you'll get an extra rec, too, to replace this one. The rest of you: enjoy.

Best FF That Demonstrates the Use of Characters Played by Callum Keith Rennie as Sex Toys. Just the One Character, Actually, but I'm Told This Use Extends to Any of His Roles, Even the "Sexy Lump of Granite" One. Want, by estrella30. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. How do I love my Fraser? Let me count the ways, and let me start with all the various twisted or suppressed aspects of his personality. Number 34 on that sublist ("Fraser's Repressions: the First Thousand") is definitely the way he can be a prisoner of his own self-control, unable to leave the Mountie suit behind even when he's actually got on his much-worn relaxed-fit jeans and his over-washed blue flannel shirt. (No, I do not know for a fact that he has any such clothing. But that's how I picture him, 'cause he never quite belongs in the Big Red Gay Pants in my mind.) FF writers are, naturally, rather interested in helping him with the whole getting-out-of-the-Mountie-suit problem, possibly because we of the FF community are just such a caring bunch. Or maybe because we enjoy our lives more when Fraser is removing the Mountie suit, preferably slowly and with lascivious intent. Whichever. So, in any case, here we have a fine example of FF of the category PWP, subcategory Freeing Fraser. What's not to love?

Best FF That Demonstrates the Use of a Sponge Bath as a Sex Toy. Or, Actually, the Use of the British Military Man as a Sex Toy. Sharpe's Colonel, by cinzia. Sharpe books, Richard Sharpe/Jean Gudin. I'm doing this as a bonus story in honor of my own current attempt to get to grips with the Sharpe canon. (May I say, in passing, that these are bloody, bloody books? So bloody that you probably don't even want to read the rest of this parenthetical comment if you're squeamish. The first three pages of Sharpe's Tiger feature one explicit shooting death, complete with eviscerated rib, and several plague deaths, complete with aspirated vomit. And then there's the detailed descriptions of the behavior of vultures, complete with disgusting metaphor. War is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach, and neither is this book.) Cinzia brings her customary class and elegance to this story, this time showing us that porn can lack plot and still have all the right moves - perfect characterization, spot-on dialog, narrative that blends with the canon's, and even a canon tie-in so good you sort of wonder if Cornwell didn't intend this all along. Clearly, Cinzia should be writing more PWP. And you should be reading what she's already written.
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: bra/head: OTPthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 09:14 am (UTC)
Maybe I should've called this LJ "Insomniac's Delight." Or Insomnia Central: Because we're all up four hours past our bedtimes.

In other words, I ended up staying up until five, too. Functional insomnia rules OK!
A Certain Ms Uneslemslempike on August 6th, 2004 03:09 am (UTC)
The Sharpe one was...breathtaking. I'm going to have to succumb and get the DVDs. Reminds me why I love PWP so.
tried to eat the safe banana: universal fandom grey - MMWDthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 09:16 am (UTC)
Yes indeedy. That Cinzia, she can write, can she not? I tell you, there's nothing better than the perfect PWP/writer pairing.

So, have you seen the Sharpe shows? Because I'm wondering if I should. I mean, I'm going to keep going with the books, too, if for no other reason than the distinctiveness of the voice, but I can't help thinking the DVDs might be a little less with the blood 'n' guts 'n' horror, and therefore a little easier to enjoy.
(no subject) - slemslempike on August 7th, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
I Wanna Dress You Up In My Snark: beautyqueen1979 prostitute robotadjectivegirl on August 6th, 2004 03:15 am (UTC)
PWP is looked down on?

::looks at bulk of own work:: Ah, I get it now.

::cuddles recs to chest like dirty children::

tried to eat the safe banana: universal fandom blue - MMWDthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 09:33 am (UTC)
Hey, PWP is cherished in this LJ. Some people appreciate the value of porn, and I am one of them. Sometimes I feel like I'm most of them, but then I look at all the people writing PWP, good PWP, and I realize I am far from alone. So, you know, continue to write PWP. At least, that would be my request.
Waiting at Crossroads: sharpe-evesharmonyguede_mazaka on August 6th, 2004 03:25 am (UTC)
Oh, you read Sharpe, too? Have you checked out viva_gloria's two pieces? They're what convinced me that OCs can be better than just tolerable. They're set after Sharpe's Prey, which is...fifth now?...but they don't really need too much context.

And nodding emphathetically to your review of cinzia. Awesome stuff.
tried to eat the safe banana: universal fandom green - MMWDthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 09:48 am (UTC)
Oh, yes, I've read viva_gloria's Sharpe. In fact - no, wait.

I was going to say that she's the reason I'm reading Sharpe, which is true, because my relationship to her is pretty much the same one those geese had to Lorenz: imprinted. I waddle after her into every damn fictional fandom she enters.

But then I realize that viva_gloria is actually the reason I'm here at all - as in, on LJ, in any fandoms, all that. I was still in my looking-down-on-FF phase when I first encountered her work. I read that first story maybe 10 times in a row, looking for the bad part, the part that would enable me to scoff and depart and feel superior. But, surprise, I never found it. I went on to read everything she'd written in a fictional fandom, and when I found her classics slash, I was hooked.

Then it was off to her LJ. And off to read all of her friends (which is where I eventually found you). And thus to other journals and other fandoms, and, in the fullness of time, to this journal and all fandoms.

Wow. Maybe I should write her a thank-you note. (Or a flame. Except, hey, I'm happy to be here. And apparently I wasn't using the time this "hobby" consumes, except for silly things like sleeping. And the gratitude route is more dignified anyway, don't you think?)
Waiting at Crossroadsguede_mazaka on August 6th, 2004 10:47 am (UTC)
*grinning* Feels good to be a convert, huh? Admittedly, she's not the one who got me into fanfic, but she is responsible for me ever taking an interest in Sharpe. Which resulted in a drain on the wallet, but hey, it's for a good cause.

A thank-you note would be a nice thing to do; she's a wonderful, wonderful person as well as a marvelous writer.
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 02:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 02:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 02:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 03:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 03:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 03:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 03:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 03:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - viva_gloria on August 6th, 2004 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thepouncer on August 8th, 2004 03:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
BUT HARRY STYLES: ben open shirtestrella30 on August 6th, 2004 06:46 am (UTC)
Thank you very, very kindly!

It's funny, when I first started reading slash I was all on my high horse like, "Eew. PWP's?? Gah. Try some plot, people" (I think I read a few not very good PWP's in the start of my slash habit *g*)

And then I started *writing* slash and was all, "Huh. Well lookee here. It seems all you WRITE is PWP's, you snot-nose. So maybe you can READ some of them, eh?"

And really? - PWP's are goooooood.

Again - thanks for the rec! It totally brightened my day!
tried to eat the safe banana: universal fandom grey - MMWDthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 09:53 am (UTC)
Yes. PWP is good, good, good. I will chant this mantra until everyone understands that plotless porn can still have everything that makes FF great. Or until I lose my voice, and given the nature of the fannish community, it's goodbye to the voice. But it will be sacrificed in an excellent cause.

(Tiny, whispered aside: Sports Night. Don't you feel the call of the Sports Night? You do. You know you do. Succumb. You will be a better, happier person for it, and the world will be a better, happier place. These messages will continue until a) you write SN, ideally PWP or b) you tell me to stop.)
BUT HARRY STYLES: boot and chainestrella30 on August 6th, 2004 09:57 am (UTC)
*whispers back*

I am! I'm feeling the love (though I need to watch more and get way more comfortable before I try and actually write anything, lol) Do you have an SN comm links for lj or any writing communities I should know about?
(no subject) - thefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 10:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - estrella30 on August 6th, 2004 09:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - estrella30 on August 6th, 2004 09:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
One owner from new: Sharpe_ladscinzia on August 6th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC)
Wow. Thank you for the awesome recommendation! I'm blushing to the roots of my hair, and just. Wow. Thank you! :)

I also need to thank you for all the great stories you've been linking so far: I spent many delightful hours reading them, and I thought I should let you know. Thanks again. :) Ahem. Awkward, yes. I am. *blush*
tried to eat the safe banana: batvine grows on you - MMWDthefourthvine on August 6th, 2004 02:32 pm (UTC)
Rest assured that hesitancy in acceptance speeches is endearing.

*supportive applause*

And it is always a special delight to rec you, because you wrote the only story I've ever found by random clicking at the Library of Moria that I loved and continue to love. (And even then, my Best Beloved did the actual clicking. But I still think it should count, because the randomness was all me.) Gave me hope in the dark days of archive use when all other lights had gone out, that story did, and any pleasure this LJ gives you can be, at best, only a partial repayment.

So, thank you - thanks for writing fantastic stories, and thanks especially for the one that was there when I needed it. (I've been reminiscing about my early days in fandom. Can you tell?)
Proactively Untwist Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants: couples-much adodramaturgca on March 29th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC)
Sadistic Sons no longer exists at that link and I really, REALLY want to read it...Any way of finding where else it might have got to?

*Puppy eyes*