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18 January 2006 @ 02:31 pm
Rant: Is There a DSM-IV Category for Fan Fiction Induced Insanity?  
I haven't been sleeping much lately. This means I've reading a lot of FF. (Yes, even more than usual. But, on the bright side, not quite enough to qualify me for an intervention at the Fan Mental Health Clinic.) Which means that it's time for another damn rant. (If you're new here: in rants, the cut tag indicates mean-spiritedness and general pedantry. Click at your own risk.)

I swear that I will get back to recommending actual FF very, very soon. And it will be even sooner if we could all attend to a few small matters before I lose my mind.



Sentients only, please. Or, to put it another way: could we please stop granting quite so much volition to individual body parts? By which I mean - if you're writing something, like for example a sex scene, and character A shoves his tongue into character B's mouth, please don't write as though the tongue just crawled in there on its own. If you write, "his tongue reached for hers," I'm expecting tentacle porn, okay? I'm expecting Alien-based horror tentacle porn, as, like, the tongue spears into her mouth, implants her with eggs, and then rips her brain out. I'm not thinking, "Aw, they're kissing. How sweet." I am writhing in anticipation of looming terror. And, yes, fear does lead to arousal blah blah blah, but alien implantation scenes in the middle of smut lead to insanity. Attribute the action to the person performing it. At least most of the time. I'm begging you.

Zombies need brains! I, on the other hand, think I'm seeing too many of them. Or rather, I'm seeing too much of the phrase "sucking his brains out through his cock." I mean, yes, I get it. I got the last few thousand times someone used this phrase in FF. And it's starting to sound...well, creepy. Eerie. Like a really mutant zombie-related fetish, basically. I'll be reading along in a sex scene, and this phrase will occur, and I have this moment of nervous tension, wondering if the character giving the blowjob is really a secret zombie. (Worse, I sometimes also consider the physics of this, which is the kind of thought that can put a person off sex for life.) So, you know, it's a fine phrase. But could we give it a rest, please? Let it lie fallow for a bit? Or maybe we could implement some kind of rationing system. You know, a quota. On Mondays, people whose names begin with A-E can use it, and on Tuesdays F-J, and so on. On Sundays we all get a day of rest from the phrase. What blissful Sundays those would be.

You do not drop kisses. Go ahead, try it. You will find your lips remain firmly attached to your face no matter how hard you try to drop them on someone else. Or if they don't, you might want to see a doctor. You may be a zombie. (If so, try to get your fix the normal way. Gnawing on people's skulls was enough for zombies when I was young, and there's no need to get all fancy with it now. Sucking brains out through cocks is just not on, people. You may be undead, but you can still have class.)

Oh my god no more essence ever I mean it. If come is the essence of a man, he's not worth thinking about, let alone writing about. And if someone is touching someone else's essence, you'd better be writing Descartes/Schopenhauer and not just some random buttsex.

You need lips to kiss. So, take cocks, for example. They do not have lips and thus should not kiss each other. You would not write a story in which cocks hold hands and go on a picnic and declare love for each other and maybe whisper sweet nothings in each other's ears. The kissing cock is just the PG-13 version of that story, people. (Or potentially a quaint and curious pub name soon to appear on the cover of a Martha Grimes novel. Unless somebody stops her while there's still time. Not that I am suggesting anything, mind you.)

Forget the lies your health teacher told you. High-gauge painkillers are not instantaneously addictive. Seriously. I have taken them, and I am not a twitching addict. And going off them was not so much "hideous withdrawal" as "Hey! I can blink again!" See, if you’re taking them for actual, you know, pain, they aren’t very addictive at all. (Physical dependence does happen when you take them for a while. Which is why you taper off. Tapering off? Does not suck if you do it right.) If you’ve had, say, massive surgery to repair massive injuries and you’re on a massive pain-relief regimen as a result, yes, you will want those drugs if they’re taken away from you. But not because you’ve become addicted to them. You’ll want them because without them you’ll be in pain.

I know that seems kind of obvious. I thought so, too. But I’ve seen this more and more often in FF: a character takes - well, let’s go whole-hog and say oxycodone, the ingredient in that famously addictive drug, OxyContin. (Although even then, you take it differently for a high than for pain. Just, you know, FYI.) Takes it because, you know, he’s had his face ripped off or something (and that’s a made-up example; I’ve never read a story in which it happened, so if you’ve written one, I’m not picking on you). And he's on it for four days, and then the doctor starts "weaning" him off it, and he suffers the agonies of withdrawal. Well, OK. Withdrawal sucks, no doubt. But that character shouldn’t be going through it; he should be suffering the agonies of plain old agony, of being undermedicated by a supposed professional after having his face ripped off by the Clawbeast of the Betelgeusian Rainforest. (Or whatever.) Please, people, please - let’s keep our sick bay stories and our addiction stories separate, OK? There’s plenty of medically realistic suffering you can inflict. Without making every fan on the planet terrified of taking medication for pain.

What happens in the past stays in the past. Likewise with the future and the present. Pick a tense. Any tense. And then fucking stay with it. I don't care if you write your fan fiction in Past Inverted Pluperfect Imperative (actually, I would very likely erect a shrine in your honor), as long as you stay in Past Inverted Pluperfect Imperative. And if just one tense per story is too confining for you, at least limit yourself to one tense per section. And oh my god please one tense per sentence. "Was" and "is" are cousins, but they should not hang out together; their families do not get along. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Appropriate terminology. I don't want to be difficult. But is it so very challenging to consider what phrases your point-of-view character might reasonably use in, for example, a sexual setting? I mean, okay. Benton Fraser might use just about any word, including the Inuktuk word for "icicle," to describe his cock. With Fraser, I'm prepared to accept any term up to "Winky the Wonder Horse," and I'm betting some of you could make me happy with that, even. But if you've got a modern-day American military man using the phrase "manly rod," I am going to need, minimum, 2,000 words of backstory that explains how Jack O'Neill, in addition to the rest of his traumatic past, was at some point locked in a basement for three years with nothing to read but old romance novels.1

NO MORE CUTSEY PAIRING NAMES EVER I MEAN IT SO HELP ME GOD. And, yes, capslock is a crime against the internet, but sometimes it is impossible to convey the proper level of emphasis any other way. This is one of those times. I blame the more insane Harry/Hermione folks for this one. (...And, damn, I've forgotten the pairing name again. Hermeneutics? Harmonica? Help me out here, people.) But we all share the shame now, as the disease has spread to fandoms that should be innocent of any such taint. And, see, fine. If you really need to run the names of your pairing together (Although, seriously - why? It doesn't prove they were OMG meant to be together, you know. What message are you trying to convey? Theirloveissonominal?), then go right ahead. I may judge you - tough to avoid it these days, what with all the pairing name insanity going around - but I'll keep it to myself. It is your privilege to come up with mutant pairing names if you want to. It is your right.

But please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, at least keep it relatively clear what the pairing actually is. If you tell me that you love Vecchowalski, at least I have a reasonable guess about what that might be. But if you tell me that you love Rayre, or Hooray, or Ski-Ho, that could be anything. And if you decide that Vecchio/Kowalski is now called Chicago, that is even worse. It conveys no useful information at all. (Well, okay. Some. I mean, I'd be thinking in terms of the right fandom; there are pairing names that don't even have that going for them.) Please. Please. It is wrong to make every story header an interminable guessing game. ("...Is the pairing bigger than a bread box?") You won't like it when I'm batshit insane and armed, people, and I'm getting there.

-Footnote-

1 Daniel's eyebrows shot up, and Jack mentally rewound the conversation. Shit.

"Jack," Daniel said cautiously, "did you just say 'pistoning love-muscle'?"

"No," Jack said firmly.

"Oooo-kay." There was an uncomfortable pause, and then Daniel said, very casually, "So. I'm going to get Sam and Teal'c and Janet now. You just...sit there."

"Daniel, sit down."

"I would, but now I'm not sure if I'm eating lunch with Jack O'Neill or the Goa'uld who was responsible for Barbara Cartland's incredible and disturbing productivity."

"Sit down, Daniel. And don't knock Barbara Cartland."

Daniel didn't move, but his eyebrows attempted to scurry off his face and go find Sam and Teal'c on their own.

Jack sighed. "Okay. See, when I was 26, I was on this mission..."
 
 
 
Filibuster Vigilantly: Wash: B&Wtheamusedone on January 18th, 2006 02:37 pm (UTC)
This amused the hell out of me, thank you so much!
tried to eat the safe banana: Yaythefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:09 pm (UTC)
I have amused the One Who Is Amused. YAY!
(no subject) - theamusedone on January 19th, 2006 07:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - darthfox on January 18th, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - reginagiraffe on January 18th, 2006 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - darthfox on January 18th, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - executrix on January 18th, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - theamusedone on January 19th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
Viva La Revolución: callum-purple toasttex on January 18th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
I can't disagree with any one of these complaints (suggestions? Advisories?)

But the second one - let me just say, Yeah. But "coming harder than he ever has" - I still like that one. Coming is good. But you're right - having a really important part of the body pulled forcibly out of the "manly rod" - that's just not cool.

And as for Fraser - I am of the belief that Fraser uses the word "cock". Ray uses "cock" and "dick". Just my little ole opinion.
Beth H: DS Fraser (Snaples)bethbethbeth on January 18th, 2006 02:46 pm (UTC)
Fraser thinks "cock," but he *says* "penis." *g*
(no subject) - tex on January 18th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - brooklinegirl on January 18th, 2006 02:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tex on January 18th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - executrix on January 18th, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - china_shop on January 18th, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - indywind on January 19th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pearl_o on January 27th, 2006 11:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
John Stamos Took It Too Far: construction paper heart -silverakirabrooklinegirl on January 18th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC)
With Fraser, I'm prepared to accept any term up to "Winky the Wonder Horse," and I'm betting some of you could make me happy with that, even.

...okay, now I want someone to write that in a compelling manner. Damn, I wish lynnmonster was still writing DS.

And if you decide that Vecchio/Kowalski is now called Chicago, that is even worse. It conveys no useful information at all. (Well, okay. Some. I mean, I'd be thinking in terms of the right fandom;

oh god. I'm sorry, and I'm SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU on cutesy pairing names, 100%, so really, it's pretty much your fault that somewhere in the back of my brain, I'm going to be thinking of Vecchio/Kowalski as "Chicago" from now on.
tried to eat the safe banana: Fraserthefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
...okay, now I want someone to write that in a compelling manner. Damn, I wish lynnmonster was still writing DS.

I KNOW. It is so unfair, because she's the person who immediately leaps to mind for that task. Hmmm. Perhaps you should post a challenge in your journal. It could be one of the Three Tasks to Appoint a Successor to the dS Crackthrone! (Crackthrone. OMG. Worst made-up word ever; feathercock is nothing to it.)

I'm sorry, and I'm SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU on cutesy pairing names, 100%, so really, it's pretty much your fault that somewhere in the back of my brain, I'm going to be thinking of Vecchio/Kowalski as "Chicago" from now on.

I think this is pretty much where I defriend and ban you and then set up a community called we_hate_blg, isn't it?

But, alas, I cannot. For one thing, I could not stand to live without your cooking adventures, which make my kitchen failures (like the seriously mealy new potato recipe I tried last night) seem, um, really really good in comparison. (The kale and cannellini soup was excellent, though, and easy enough that you could make it!)
(no subject) - lynnmonster on January 18th, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lynnmonster on January 18th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - nightengale on January 18th, 2006 11:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - milkshake_b on January 19th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Vass: Fabulous Waluigivassilissa on January 18th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC)
you'd better be writing Descartes/Schopenhauer

Oh, *would* you? *dreamy sigh*

I would consider reciprocating with Wagner/Nietzsche.
tried to eat the safe banana: Come to earth for evil?thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
Oh my GOD. I would LOVE YOU FOREVER if you wrote Wagner/Nietzsche. I mean, yes yes yes.

*begins plotting Descartes/Schopenhauer*
(no subject) - bekijane on January 18th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vassilissa on January 19th, 2006 12:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - laylah on January 18th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vassilissa on January 19th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sinsense on January 18th, 2006 03:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
post-apocalypse shenanigans: Lips R Lipsbrynwulf on January 18th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC)
ROFLAMO!! I swear I used something along the lines of "sucking coherent thought out through his cock" in Highlander ten years ago. I figured it would have grown up and moved out by now.
tried to eat the safe banana: Suspicious owlthefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC)
Hmmm. I think I love you anyway. I mean, the coherent thought line is good. So I guess I can't blame you for inspiring, you know, a slightly shortened version that just happens to be infused with essence o' zombie.

I do wish I could find someone to blame, though. That is the first step in healing, isn't it?
(no subject) - brynwulf on January 18th, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
shake.: DUDE - since I was twelvecallmesandy on January 18th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC)
HP fandom isn't even close to blame for portmanteau pairing names. Last time someone tried to track it, possible culprits included american soap opera fandom, buffy fandom and maybe even popslash.

And we should figure that one out and HURT them for it, of course.
Isobel: Classicmissizzy on January 18th, 2006 03:27 pm (UTC)
First place I saw them was in Digimon. There it *might* have been an attempt to subconsciously lead people towards at least remembering the original Japanese names, since they used them, but I'm probably giving the young members of said fandom too much credit.
Thought I think it would be possible to use essence for a Force-ghost. Though you'd still need to be a pretty good writer to make it work.
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - the_star_fish on January 18th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - claire on January 18th, 2006 03:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Blame Roswell - mecurtin on January 19th, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - macey_muse on December 2nd, 2006 11:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(Deleted comment)
It's a new dawn, a new day: sga johnbirdsflying on January 18th, 2006 02:42 pm (UTC)
Word!

And uh, can I add a suggestion? For the love of little fishes, people - research lube! No every oily substance is a good one, you know? Some of them contain things that I wouldn't want on my hands for five minutes, let alone inside/on delicate parts. (I may have been mentally scarred by two fics this morning, one after another, which involved...inappropriate imo substances. And I read them before 9am which didn't help matters either)

"I would, but now I'm not sure if I'm eating lunch with Jack O'Neill or the Goa'uld who was responsible for Barbara Cartland's incredible and disturbing productivity." - ahahahahahaha. :snerk:

(argh, lj is being a right little bugger today, appologies if this double-posts)
Basingstokebasingstoke on January 18th, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC)
SHAMPOO.

*ouch*
(no subject) - birdsflying on January 18th, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - azurelunatic on January 18th, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - birdsflying on January 18th, 2006 03:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - azurelunatic on January 18th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - birdsflying on January 18th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Beth H: HP Snape laughs (bbb gof)bethbethbeth on January 18th, 2006 02:45 pm (UTC)
LOL! I laughed and laughed and laughed.

(okay, I took a break from laughing to worry about whether I'd committed any of these hideous offenses, but then I went right back to laughing)
tried to eat the safe banana: Smilethefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

okay, I took a break from laughing to worry about whether I'd committed any of these hideous offenses, but then I went right back to laughing

I'm pretty sure you haven't. I mean, I hate these things, and I love your stories, so it stands to reason, yes? But even if you have, I grant you TFV's Absolution. (It isn't actually, you know, good for anything, but you can frame it and put it on your wall to cover a stain or something.) You are hereby absolved of any previous fan fiction sins you have committed. Go, and sin no more.
minnowminnow1212 on January 18th, 2006 02:49 pm (UTC)
>"I would, but now I'm not sure if I'm eating lunch with Jack O'Neill or the Goa'uld who was responsible for Barbara Cartland's incredible and disturbing productivity."<

hee! (Well, something had to explain it.)
tried to eat the safe banana: Bookthefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 03:59 pm (UTC)
(Well, something had to explain it.)

God, I know. And since no human could write that much, we're pretty much left with aliens, the supernatural, and the devil as potential explanations.
(no subject) - rydra_wong on January 19th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
L. Valeriusdatta on January 18th, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC)
This is lovely and very well-thought-out but the best bit is Jack and Daniel. Because they are the best bit of EVERYTHING.
tried to eat the safe banana: Fountainthefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you! (And, yes. Jack and Daniel are loads of fun to write. I think my semific up there mostly came from me staring at Daniel's eyebrows in flat astonishment during a recent bout of SG1 vid watching. I found myself developing very worrying theories about those eyebrows.)
cranberryinkcranberryink on January 18th, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC)
And if someone is touching someone else's essence, you'd better be writing Descartes/Schopenhauer and not just some random buttsex.

Oh, you made me laugh and laugh and laugh. ♥
tried to eat the safe banana: Secret societiesthefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 04:11 pm (UTC)
*hopeful look*

Do you feel a sudden urge to create a Descartes/Schopenhauer mood theme now? Although, wow, it'd be tough to come up with anything for "happy" in that one.
penknife: xavier/magnetopenknife on January 18th, 2006 02:57 pm (UTC)
The pairing names make me twitch. I keep waiting for "Magnavier" or "Xavneto" -- I will take it as a sign of the Apocalypse. (And I can't even imagine what you'd get if you were trying to be cutesy. My brain simply will not produce the equivalent of "Wolfstar" or "Pumpkin Pie" for Xavier/Magneto.)
Wychwood: Fan - oldfashionedwychwood on January 18th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC)
"Magnavier" or "Xavneto"

*cringes*

I am occasionally (but only occasionally!) guilty of using smushes. But not for Xavier and Magneto! Worlds of no! As for cutesy pairing names... No. Really, really, really no.

(How about "DeathNDestruction"? *g*)
(no subject) - azurelunatic on January 18th, 2006 03:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wychwood on January 18th, 2006 03:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - penknife on January 19th, 2006 02:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on January 21st, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
kalimyre: Daniel flagkalimyre on January 18th, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
Dude, I do believe I love your rants even more than the recs. And that last scene between Jack and Daniel? Made me very nearly inhale my jolly rancher. The eyebrows tried to scurry away. I mean, my god, have you no respect for people who are reading and may be trying to breathe and eat at the same time? Must I remove all beverages and potentially edible items from reach before reading one of your rants?

Because I would totally do that.
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
Dude, I do believe I love your rants even more than the recs.

Thank you.

The eyebrows tried to scurry away.

I'm surprised that eyebrowfic is not a thriving subgenre in SG1. I've only seen the vids, but even in those, Daniel's eyebrows sort of seem to be the fifth team member. They have a lot of personality.

I mean, my god, have you no respect for people who are reading and may be trying to breathe and eat at the same time?

Oodles of respect! Really! Oxygen-breathers are welcome in this journal!

Hmmm. Perhaps I should start trying to tell jokes in this space. You know how there are natural joke tellers? I am not one of those people. When I tell jokes, even really good ones, it takes ten times as long as it should, and no one notices when the punchline happens; by that time, they've usually acquired this blank, jaded expression, sort of like people watching theater of the absurd. (Best Beloved tends to start laughing somewhere in the middle of my jokes, though. Apparently I'm so obviously bad at telling jokes that the ineptitude itself is amusing.)
(no subject) - executrix on January 18th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kalimyre on January 18th, 2006 08:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - nightengale on January 18th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
laura: zombie handjacquez on January 18th, 2006 02:59 pm (UTC)
Sentients only, please

Reminds me entirely too much of the zombie hand of Rob Lowe, only that was WORSE because it wasn't even "his hand", it was stuff like "a hand" and "the hand". WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO THIS???
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, lord, yes. I'd actually forgotten about the trauma of reading stories in which "a hand" and "the cock" have starring roles. I was happy suppressing those memories, dammit. Happier, anyway.

WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO THIS???

My theories are:
  1. They genuinely find detached body parts erotic.

  2. They get tired of starting sentences with "Jim," but Jim is doing all the action. So they start writing about Jim's left hand or his eyebrow or his tongue. Pretty soon they're writing alien parts sex and they don't even know it; they're just victims of sentence monotony.

  3. They're rogue health teachers. My health teachers, at any rate, obviously wanted a world in which no one ever had sex. Well, zombie hands and tentacle tongues are probably way more effective than bad movies that try to explain the dangers of having sex without a condom without ever using the words "sex" and "condom."
(no subject) - out_there on January 18th, 2006 09:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jacquez on January 19th, 2006 04:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
wliberation @ livejournalwliberation on January 18th, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC)
Well, I have to admit, I disagree a bit on number one because I happen to be a huge fan of well-used personification, but the thing is, I suppose, that it is not always well-used, especially in sex scenes. But oh, so agree on the rest. Especially on the question of 'essence'; dear god, what are people thinking when they write that?

Right there on the list of should NEVER be used, next to 'kissing cocks', should definitely be 'battling cocks'. It always makes me want to shout, "En garde!"
tried to eat the safe banana: Words.thefourthvine on January 18th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC)
I disagree a bit on number one because I happen to be a huge fan of well-used personification, but the thing is, I suppose, that it is not always well-used, especially in sex scenes.

See, precisely. I'm also fond of well-used anthropomorphizing, but it's one of those techniques that's hard to use properly and disastrous when misused. (Unlike, for example, haiku. It's hard to write a real haiku and remarkably easy to write a not-really-a-haiku, but even the not-really ones can be fun.) And it's extremely easy to overuse it.

Especially on the question of 'essence'; dear god, what are people thinking when they write that?

I'm actually fairly glad I don't know. You know how it is when you look into an abyss.

Right there on the list of should NEVER be used, next to 'kissing cocks', should definitely be 'battling cocks'. It always makes me want to shout, "En garde!"

Oh, god, yes. (For me, it always suggests that "Dueling Cocks" is the natural sequel to "Dueling Banjos," but I can get to the "en garde" place, too.) We can file that one with "raping her mouth with his tongue." *shudders*
(no subject) - wliberation on January 19th, 2006 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mecurtin on January 19th, 2006 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sibility on January 25th, 2006 12:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)