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04 February 2009 @ 12:19 am
187: Change Is the Only Constant  
Recently, svmadelyn linked to some free Harlequin books, and she mentioned a NASCAR romance novel as being one of the ones available.

I had to look. I had no choice. NASCAR romance novels, people! (I have, um, a weird obsession with NASCAR marketing. I could not care less about the drivers, but I dream of being able to meet the geniuses at NASCAR HQ. True fact, and don’t ask me why, as I have at least five thousand words of answer that I’m just dying to share.)

Anyway. I totally recommend the Harlequin site. It features a sort of Mad Libs (does anyone else remember those?), romance novel style, which they suggest you can use to insert yourself into a story, but I am here to tell you that you can put in Rodney McKay and John Sheppard or Merlin and Arthur Pendragon, change up some of the pronouns, and get the most awesome FF summaries ever. I especially recommend doing the Mars one with the SGA characters or the tycoon one with Smallville.

And then I was looking through the sincerely awful, and I do mean awful (if you were offering free samples, wouldn’t you try to pick good ones, or at least ones that aren’t openly gag-inducing?), summaries of the books available for download, and I found this one:

When a blizzard strands Fiona MacPherson and her students in Oregon's Cascade Mountains, their only hope of survival is to seek shelter at Thunder Mountain Lodge. Their host is John Fallon, a handsome, enigmatic war veteran haunted by secrets and scars that may never heal.

John Fallon never imagined he'd be playing host to this captivating teacher and her eight teenage charges. But when his solitude is shattered by their arrival, his world shifts on its axis. He needs Fiona—but does she need him? There's only one way to find out. The ex-soldier must find the courage to reach out to the remarkable woman who has transformed his life…


I read this to Best Beloved and said, "Oh my god, it's a Sentinel AU!" And it is! Look at it! Professor Blair Sandburg takes a group of second-year students on a field trip and they get stranded in Oregon's Cascade Mountains. Fortunately, they just happen to be near Thunder Mountain Lodge, owned by Jim Ellison, a handsome, enigmatic veteran haunted by secrets and tormented by senses out of his control.

(Jim, in this AU, obviously couldn't control the senses very well after his return from Peru, and couldn't take living in the city. He had no choice but to buy this remote lodge. And Blair couldn't find a sentinel for his dissertation, so he had no choice but to choose a different topic, and now he's an actual professor. Blair can help Jim! Jim needs him! But can he learn to love again? Hint: Yes. Yes, he can.)

If you try to tell me that is not perfect, I will openly laugh at you.

Obviously, this got me thinking about AUs. (It also got me wistfully wishing for more Harlequin challenges. These summaries are fan fiction gold, people. There's an obvious Highlander one, and several that would work for Smallville, and, just, really: Harlequin AUs. In quantity, and in every fandom in the land. Is that so much to ask?)

Hence, an AU recs set.

The One That Teaches Us That Surviving the End of the World Ought to Be Featured Way at the Top of the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. With, Like, a Point Value of Nine Million. The Hard Prayer, by rheanna27. Stargate: Atlantis, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard.

And we start with one that could not be more unlike a Harlequin AU. However, it also could not be more awesome, so that's okay.

This is an apocalypse AU. Usually the end of the world makes me geechy - can’t imagine why! - and, in all honesty, this story did freak me out somewhat, and there were a couple spots I had to skim on account of my own personal issues. But. Wow. Seriously. So very, very worth it. I can’t even tell you how much.

What I love about this story is what Rheanna does with the characters we know and adore. They've been changed, seriously changed, by what's happened - as indeed one would be. Live through the apocalypse, anyone's going to get a little twitchy, you know? And John and Rodney are indeed very, very twitchy. I found myself nodding along as I read this, thinking that this was totally how they'd snap, if they were going to snap. (And if I have a personal motto, it’s: once the world is over, you might as well snap. What, like it can get worse?)

It's particularly interesting to me - and, upon reflection, totally right - that John is the one who can't handle the situation as well. John, in some ways, is a border collie: he needs a pack. Rodney just needs a goal. (And, of course, they neeeeeeeed each other! Look, sorry, I'm an OTPer by nature; I had to add that. It's in my OTP Fan Contract, right under "Sulk a little bit when your friends start writing other pairings.")

(And, for the benefit of any readers who might be Best Beloved and thus even more allergic to apocalypse stories than I am: yes, it has a happy ending. Read this, damn it.)

The One That Shows That the Punishment for Adultery Is Hot Sex with Stephen Maturin. Are You Feeling Deterred at All? Duende, by astolat. Master and Commander, Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin.

Is there any AU more marvelous than a Master and Commander AU by astolat? No. No, there is not. And this is just a classic: swords! Magic! Swordfights! Life bonds! Duels! If you've ever thought to yourself that what O'Brian's series was really lacking was at least 400% more swordfighting Maturin, this is the story for you.

Even if you've never thought that - and I admit it, I hadn't, possibly because I am just of very limited imagination - this is still the story for you. (Even if you, like me, are kind of geeched by the idea of life bonds. And, look, I know they are a classic trope of slash fiction, not to mention vampire fiction for the YA set. I've read many excellent stories featuring said trope (from slash fiction only; I've pretty much wimped out on the YA vampire life bonds, I admit). But I tell you this, and tell you true: waking up eternally bound to someone, your lives physically linked together, unable to stand separation, and possibly with telepathy: oh my god, that is my nightmare. If there's a hell, that's what it looks like.)

It's amazing to me how well the Master and Commander universe adapts to anything: space! Magic! Life bonds! Dragons! I'm pretty sure a Master and Commander with vampires, or lightsabers, or even fairies and the Seelie Court and maybe Thomas the Rhymer would work awesomely well.

Or maybe it's just the magic of astolat - she has the secret, special power of putting O'Brian's characters in any situation and making the resultant story something you would happily read fifteen volumes of. In which case, I'm really hoping whoever she gets assigned next Yuletide has requested the Seelie Court AU.

The One That Proves That Maybe a Real Marriage of True Minds Isn't Something Most of Us Should Be Hoping For. Walked Right out of the Machinery, by rydra_wong. Stargate: SG-1, gen.

Oh my god. This is - this is just - I just have so much love for this story. It's brilliant. I love Jack O'Neill so damn much, and this is kind of the ultimate story for Jack-lovers: this is pure, perfectly-written Jack; Jack as he would have been in the canon if someone as talented and imaginative as rydra_wong had been writing him.

And that's kind of odd, given that this is a rather changed Jack. I don't want to spoil it - the slow reveal (and, seriously, all you impatient types: let that reveal happen, because it is SO WORTH IT, and if my reassurance isn't enough for you, know that there is an awesome shipboard battle waiting for you near the end) is part of the pleasure, here. But this is Jack not exactly as we know him. It's just, somehow that makes him almost a distillation of Jack. Eighty proof Jack, if I can be pardoned for making a really awful joke.

No? Unpardonable? Okay. I stand by my low sense of humor.

Now, I tell you honestly: I realize this is AU from a specific point in the canon, but I, of course, don't know the canon, and I can't figure out what that point is. (Possibly some kind soul will tell us all in the comments. Kind souls? Are you out there?) You don't need to know that to read this, though. In fact, as long as you know the basic tenets of the SG1 universe (Egyptian gods, American military, snakes-why'd-it'd-have-to-be-snakes, Ascension, and there you go), you could read this without any canon knowledge at all.

All of you who are right now wondering where you will get your science fiction, now that half the genre has been tarnished with the brush of a whiter shade of fail - here's part of your answer. This is one of the three best SF novels I read in 2008 - any format, anywhere. It is incredible.

The One That Features a Padawan of Convenience. How Wonderful Is That? Episode One: The Quiet Padawan, by flambeau. The Phantom Menace x Georgette Heyer. I am really not kidding about that, and you would think it could not possibly work, but you would be wrong. Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi, sort of.

So. I put off reading this for almost two years, largely because George Lucas has scarred my psyche so badly that even the words "Star Wars," can, in certain cases, make me weep giant tears of true pain. I'm so Star Wars phobic that I didn't even see Episode Three: Let's Cut Some Limbs Off, or whatever it was called, largely because I believe in that old saying: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and we'll have to enter couples counseling. There's shame on both sides, Mr. Lucas, but I have no intention of entering couples counseling with you, mostly because lives would probably be lost.

(Long before we'd read any fan fiction, and just before TPM came out, Best Beloved and I sketched out exactly how we'd do episodes one through three. I still dream that those movies were made, some nights. Those are happy nights. Basically, our fantasy movies remain my own personal canon, and I just pretend the real movies were something I found on fanfiction.net.)

Anyway. Enough about my Star Wars trauma. Let's talk about this story. Because, oh, I am so sorry I put off reading it. It is brilliant. It is perfect. It is a work of stunning genius. If you've never read Heyer (her romances, I mean; I think I'm alone, and I mean alone in the universe, in having loved most of her mystery novels), it doesn't matter. Think mannered regency romance. With Jedis. He's a master who has loved before, and badly! And he's a young, rustic student with a stain on his reputation and a need for a master! And Yoda is a meddling busybody who always knows best! And Mace Windu has a hangover and a very snarky tongue!

My love for this cannot be rendered in any medium whatsoever. This story has done more to reconcile me to the Star Wars brand than a written personal apology from Lucas could. Hell, it's done more to reconcile me than someone punching Lucas in the nose could. If you are - as I once was, and not too long ago - in the tragic situation of somehow having failed to read this, remedy that at once. Your life will be sunshine and puppies thereafter.
 
 
 
betzzbetzz on February 4th, 2009 08:36 am (UTC)
I just spit peppermint tea on my laptop screen, I was laughing so hard. And yes! It's an actual Sentinel AU!

Also: Stephen Maturin is LOVE!
tried to eat the safe banana: Age of Sailthefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
And yes! It's an actual Sentinel AU!

I know. But where IS it? I want to read this fine work of Sentinel AUness! THEY ARE SNOWBOUND WITH UNDERGRADUATES AND JIM'S SENSES. How can this not already EXIST?

Also: Stephen Maturin is LOVE!

*nods*

This is a true and scientifically proven fact.
(Deleted comment)
cimness on February 4th, 2009 10:10 am (UTC)
I'm a big fan of her mysteries, too, tfv! I have reaction posts on many of them as I bought and reread them last year and the year before under the Heyer tag in my journal.
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 05:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ineketevere on February 4th, 2009 09:06 am (UTC)
OMG! There's a Torch TPM story that I haven't read yet? HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN. *runs to read*
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC)
Possibly you missed it because it had its Fusion Shield engaged (and also because it was, I think, written a lot later than her other TPM stuff). I'm glad I could make you aware of the thing that has obviously been missing in your life.
J. M. Torresjmtorres on February 4th, 2009 09:07 am (UTC)
(Long before we'd read any fan fiction, and just before TPM came out, Best Beloved and I sketched out exactly how we'd do episodes one through three. I still dream that those movies were made, some nights. Those are happy nights. Basically, our fantasy movies remain my own personal canon, and I just pretend the real movies were something I found on fanfiction.net.)


Spill!
tried to eat the safe banana: Daisythefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 06:02 pm (UTC)
Holy shit, are you kidding? We went into DETAIL with these things. It'd take forever to go into it, especially since we sketched it out scene by scene, with all the dialog and everything.

I can tell you this, though. Our version of Leia's mother was an ambassador in her thirties. And when our movie starts, deep in the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin are almost the same age; Obi-Wan is a padawan (except we called it an apprentice, because we didn't know the term padawan yet) whose master dies in the first scene, in a spaceship explosion, having sent Obi-Wan to get the ambassador to her destination, and Anakin is the pilot (he's a lieutenant; obviously, the real pilot has to stay behind with the ship under attack) who flies the tiny craft they escape in. (Obi-Wan realizes the Force is incredibly strong in Anakin. Later, when the three of them crash land on a planet, he begins teaching Anakin little Force tricks because he thinks it will help their survival, and because he just stopped being a padawan by virtue of, you know, death, he doesn't realize what path he's starting Anakin down. And then, when they get to the Treaty World - wait, no, no, no, I am NOT typing out the whole damn thing. That way lies madness.)

My point, though, is that in our movie, no one started out being, like, EIGHT or whatever. I think that alone makes it a far better version than the one that Lucas wrote. *sulks mightily*
(no subject) - puckling on February 4th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hradzka on February 4th, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jmtorres on February 5th, 2009 12:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vito_excalibur on February 5th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
cimness on February 4th, 2009 09:08 am (UTC)
The Stranded in the Mountain Cabin is SO MUCH my favourite harlequin subgenre that I actually have many times read the Labyrinth fanfic novel matching the cliché, The Enticement.

So after I read your Story Proposal, I just want to read the Sentinel story, and don't have the capacity to read your other recs instead.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV brownthefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry! If it's any comfort to you, I also long intensely for that Sentinel AU. I keep trying to think of someone I could beg, whine, or pressure into writing it.
09 f9 11 02 9d 74 e3 5b d8 41 56 c5 63 56 88 c0: twi'leklaura47 on February 4th, 2009 09:30 am (UTC)
(Long before we'd read any fan fiction, and just before TPM came out, Best Beloved and I sketched out exactly how we'd do episodes one through three. I still dream that those movies were made, some nights. Those are happy nights. Basically, our fantasy movies remain my own personal canon, and I just pretend the real movies were something I found on fanfiction.net.)

we all have our own personal episodes 1-3, don't we? in all that glorious negative space george lucas gave us then came back to *rape*. mine is from a high-angst intense tabletop campaign set we played one summer, with two parties running in parallel with some crossover, "rebel" jedi who were the sources of the clones of the clone wars and loyalist jedi, and in the end it all... it all fell apart and left us heading to a new hope, but in such a more satisfying way. that will be my canon for the rest of my life, i think. oh, i'll use my lj icon from back then, my poor angsty twi'lek.

*sigh* oh george, did you make a temporary deal with a devil that ran out? is that why you suck so much now?
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 06:06 pm (UTC)
we all have our own personal episodes 1-3, don't we?

Yes. Yes, we do. Because a) the alternative is accepting the utter hash Lucas made of them and b) we're fans, and when we see something has gone wrong, we FIX IT, even if that means rewriting three whole movies.

*loves fans*

*hates Lucas*

(And your RPG campaign sounds awesome.)
rydra_wong: walked right out of the machineryrydra_wong on February 4th, 2009 10:20 am (UTC)
*blushes bright red at the rec*

Just to add: the LJ version (with headers and synecdochic's gorgeous cover art) is here. So people can check warnings if they want or need to.

The One That Proves That Maybe a Real Marriage of True Minds Isn't Something Most of Us Should Be Hoping For.

I had a moment of pure, pure joy when I saw that someone had tagged "Machinery" on Delicious with "soulbond".
stultiloquentia on February 4th, 2009 12:27 pm (UTC)
someone had tagged "Machinery" on Delicious with "soulbond".

*spittake*
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 06:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Machinery is a glorious story! - _minxy_ on February 4th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rydra_wong on February 4th, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - melannen on February 4th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rydra_wong on February 5th, 2009 09:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Vera: blair bluecopracat on February 4th, 2009 10:26 am (UTC)
Hint: Yes. Yes, he can.

*SMOOCHES YOU SMOOCHILY*

If you try to tell me that is not perfect, I will openly laugh at you.

I simply cannot believe that it hasn't already been written. No, it has and I just haven't read it yet.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on February 4th, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
*SMOOCHES YOU SMOOCHILY*

*SMOOCHES YOU BACK BUT NOT LIKE STRANDED-BLAIR KISSES LODGE-OWNER-JIM*

I simply cannot believe that it hasn't already been written. No, it has and I just haven't read it yet.

If you believe that, you will not be able to join the coalition of Fannish Forces I am assembling to get someone to WRITE THIS STORY.
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα: J-turn_inbetween_ on February 4th, 2009 10:26 am (UTC)
You're not alone in the universe, we agree on those books. Speaking of books - I cannot get them, don't even get a dl link for those free ones, not being in the US or something, so while I'm not sure I'll read them, would you have a direct dl-link perhaps?
tried to eat the safe banana: Bookthefourthvine on February 5th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
So Harlequin decided to give away some crap, but only to Americans? Can't let those durn furriners get a hand on our crap!

Um. Do any particularly interest you? I could download and upload them for you in .pdf format. (No direct link is available, unfortunately.) And I've already grabbed and saved the summaries, because they are AWESOME, so if you can't even see those - well, have I got some treats for you.
(no subject) - _inbetween_ on February 5th, 2009 07:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:06 am (UTC)
You are, as you know, entirely welcome. (And thanks for the link update. Probably I should have just linked to your LJ to start with!)
Zebra: Readingzebra363 on February 4th, 2009 10:33 am (UTC)
Duende is probably my single favourite slash story — and I don't even like M&C or, usually, AUs.

Assuming your other recs are also wonderful, I'll give them a try soon!
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
Have you read astolat's other M&C AUs? They are made of awesome! I'm not even sure Duende is my favorite, although it's definitely in the top three.

And I think the other recs are as wonderful. *loves them all to bits*
(no subject) - zebra363 on February 9th, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - beck_liz on February 23rd, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - zebra363 on February 9th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Very inconvenient, as now I have no shaving-glassdzurlady on February 4th, 2009 11:11 am (UTC)
(I have, um, a weird obsession with NASCAR marketing. I could not care less about the drivers, but I dream of being able to meet the geniuses at NASCAR HQ. True fact, and don’t ask me why, as I have at least five thousand words of answer that I’m just dying to share.)
TFV! I very much wish to hear your thoughts on NASCAR marketing, for I have just finished my marketing degree and get excited by billboards at the station and customer surveys. I fangirl well done marketing, is mainly what I am getting at, and it is a small fandom. :(
Olna Jenndormouse_in_tea on February 4th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
I second this! Well, except the bit about the marketing degree.
(no subject) - rozasharn on February 4th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celli on February 9th, 2009 03:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
there's nobody here but us chickensincidental_fire on February 4th, 2009 12:27 pm (UTC)
Marvelous recs, as always! The idea of having to do couples counseling with George Lucas is frightening, indeed.

Also, if you haven't seen it, there's an SGA NASCAR AU - Fireball, by celli. I have never been interested in racing, but reading this made me start looking into it (though sadly I haven't seen John and Rodney's car yet).
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV Katamari Damacythefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:18 am (UTC)
The idea of having to do couples counseling with George Lucas is frightening, indeed.

It really is. He'd start talking about midicholorians, and I'd have to hurt him, and then the counselor would be all, "TFV, I'm not sure you're committing to this process, and we really can't mediate abuse," and, just. It would end in tears.

And, oh, yes, I LOVE Fireball. It brings me insane glee. *happy sigh*
plus one skeletondelurker on February 4th, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC)
More Harlequin AUs would be awesome!
Episode One: The Quiet Padawan is a totally awesome story which I periodically reread and go :D :D :D at. ♥


Walked Right out of the Machinery
What is it about this song that fits so well in the Stargate verses? To the extent that someone did an entire SGA recs post around it, which was crazy awesome.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV lettersthefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
Re: More Harlequin AUs would be awesome!
Episode One: The Quiet Padawan is a totally awesome story which I periodically reread and go :D :D :D at. ♥

And how could you not? THIS IS HOW EPISODE ONE SHOULD HAVE GONE, LUCAS.

What is it about this song that fits so well in the Stargate verses?

I have no idea. Except, hmmm. There's a pretty famous early vid to it, that probably helped - it kind of identified the song with the fandom. (Though, ironically, that's a Daniel vid, and I always saw it as a Daniel song until I read this story. But, wow, it really works with this version of Jack, too.)
Fleur Rochardfleurrochard on February 4th, 2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
(her romances, I mean; I think I'm alone, and I mean alone in the universe, in having loved most of her mystery novels)

You are not alone! I love them as well!
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV menorahthefourthvine on February 6th, 2009 02:24 am (UTC)
Yay! *clings* We should form a club: the microfandom of Heyer's mystery novels!