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15 February 2009 @ 07:12 pm
188: Nothing Maddens Like Wine. Unless It Is Other Drugs.  
Normally, I celebrate Valentine's Day by recommending gen. Yes, I am ever the devil. But this year, I couldn't get a set together in time for the 14th, so instead I am going to commemorate something more appropriate for the day after the Big Love Day: intoxication and addiction stories!

Look, it makes sense in my head, okay?

The One That Features the Perversion of a Fine Old Tradition for the Purposes of Getting Two Guys to, Um, "Fulfill Their Destiny." And Isn't That What Fan Fiction Is All About? Misrule, by thehoyden. Merlin, Arthur Pendragon/Merlin. (Does Merlin have a last name? Is Merlin his last name, and his first name is, like, Egbert or Rupert or Meredith or Victoria or something? Egbert Merlin would be a lovely name for anyone, I think.)

I thought I'd start off with the most customary form of intoxication: alcohol! Ingested orally! They were nothing if not traditionalists in not-really-medieval-England. (Visit not-really-medieval England on your next trip to Las Vegas! It's like medieval England, but cleaner and prettier and everyone has nice teeth and tomatoes. No, really: Merlin (the show) is exactly how Las Vegas would recreate King Arthur's court. Which, actually, they probably already have, complete with a Merlin the Magician magic show and a Dancing Sorceresses All-Girl Revue; I have a carefully-nurtured mental block about Las Vegas.)

And, as is equally traditional, they really enjoyed dressing men up in women's clothes back in not-really-medieval England. Totally understandable, especially when the man in question is Merlin (and there are a couple of women around who apparently regret not having Barbie dolls when they were growing up). And need I tell you what happens when you get people drunk and cross-dressing? Sex, of course. It's elementary.

Really, this story is a microcosm of everything that a traditional intoxication story is and should be. Including extensive awesomeness.

The One That Shows Us That Ari Gold’s Kryptonite Is Angry Lesbians. As Well It Should Be, Ari. As Well It Should. We Have Secret Powers. If We Were Anybody and Get It Together, by fourteencandles. Entourage, Eric Murphy/Vince Chase.

There are certain themes that pretty much define a fandom. Like, I know that I'll be able to tag any Smallville story that's over 250 words "secrets and lies," because, well, if I told you to write a plot summary of Smallville without using any terms like "superhero" or "Superman" or "powers" or "so doing it," you'd probably end up saying, "It's. You know. There are secrets, and lies. And stuff."

For Entourage, the tag that will fit every story in the fandom is intoxication. Which, I mean, totally understandable, because in Entourage, there are four main food groups: drugs, blowjobs, power, and money. (No, of course they don't consume any actual food. This is Hollywood. You're only allowed to eat if it costs more than $15/calorie.)

But even for Entourage, Vince manages truly spectacular levels of consumption in this story (in the second part, but then, if you're a fan of happy endings, you'll definitely want to read these together as one story). Which means he gets to experience one of the oldest Hollywood traditions, right behind punching reporters: rehab. And I don't know about you, but I have always wanted to see Vincent Chase (which I keep mistyping as Vincent Chaste, a ha ha) in rehab.

And this is a nice, long, meaty story, one you can read even if you have no idea who these people are. (Hint: Vince is a movie star. Eric is his manager. They loooooooove each other. No, really, this is canon. They may not be fucking, but the marriage is already in place.)

The One That Demonstrates That in the Pegasus Galaxy, Masturbation Really Can Make You Crazy. I Can't Say I'm Surprised. Fix, by crysothemis. Stargate: Atlantis, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard.

This story does not contain your more traditional drugs - alcohol, cocaine, magical fruit powder - but it does contain the ultimate drug of the Pegasus galaxy: Ancient technology. Addictive Ancient technology. Addictive Ancient sex technology. I know, you're already sold.

And well you should be. In addition to featuring addictive Ancient sex technology, a phrase that I am sure could cause Rodney McKay to achieve orgasm if uttered with sufficient conviction, this story is also choose-your-own-point-of-view, a concept that I love almost as much as McKay loves Ancient tech. (No, really. I love screwing around with point of view. And. I mean. I love fandom's tight focus points of view, but often I will, for my own enjoyment, write versions of stories or scenes from the point of view of some other character. I have been doing that to fiction since I was in second grade, and now I do it to fan fiction, too. I just cannot help myself.) I suggest reading either the John version or the Rodney version, and then reading the other one. (You can also do the combined one, but definitely do that one last, okay?)

Anyway. If you still aren't sold, despite addictive Ancient sex technology and choice of point of view, then - well, okay, I am sad for you, because I don't think there's anything I can say to sway you. But I will add that this story also is very satisfying to me, because I have long been convinced that the Ancients were incredibly skeevy bastards that you wouldn't want floating around your universe as disembodied all-powerful beings, and I believe this story supports that point of view most heartily. (Have we had an "oh, those skeevy Ancients" challenge at sga_flashfic? Because if not, I think I need to lobby for it. I want to spread my Ancient phobia as much as possible, thank you.)

The One Featuring That Time-Honored Slash Trope: Seduction by Peer-Reviewed Research. And If That's Not a Time-Honored Slash Trope, I Submit That It Totally Should Be. Let's Not Talk About It and Say We Did, by miriam_heddy, ReGenesis, Bob Melnikov/David Sanstrom.

I will be up front: I have no idea what this fandom is about. I'm guessing science comes into it somewhere, but for all I know, these people could be ninjas. (And, hey, possibly they are science ninjas, which I think we can all agree would be such an awesome television concept that Fox would probably cancel it halfway through the pilot.)

But, basically, it doesn't matter what these people are at work - accountants, modern dance choreographers, telemarketers, science ninjas for hire - because what they do at this uncomfortable dinner gathering is: have too much to drink and some uncomfortable conversation, followed by one of those hookups that you just know will be discussed in office gossip in mingled tones of horror and hope: "Either they'll kill each other and we'll all die in the resultant nuclear winter, or this will solve all our problems!" And I love that in a pairing.

Most of all, though, I love these characters. They're such - such people. And I have no idea if they're like that in the canon, or if this is part of what we might term the value-added aspect of fan fiction, but I love them. They have flaws! Many of them! And I just read this whole story hoping that their flaws will properly align and they'll end up together.

If you're still like, "Huh, slash for a television show I've never heard of that TFV knows nothing about - I think maybe I can pass this one up," let me add a special note for SGA fans. People, this is almost exactly like if you hooked up two alternate universe Rodney McKays. Seriously. Read it and I think you'll see what I mean.
 
 
 
bleedtobluebleedtoblue on February 16th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
Such an excellent description of Fix, a fabulous story, and yes, those Ancients were definitely skeevy.

Two Rodney McKays? That's so very tempting, thanks.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 05:32 am (UTC)
I could seriously imagine AU Rodneys just like both of those characters. Seriously. *tempts further*

And I waaaaant a skeevy Ancients flashfic challenge. I must find the appropriate party to whine to.
(no subject) - ext_69049 on February 16th, 2009 12:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
Karenodditycollector on February 16th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
*Canadian* science ninjas.

I mean, I have not actually seen the show, on account of I broke up with the CBC when they cancelled jPod, but we all must contribute where we can!

Doesn't exactly go against your Rodney theory either, you know.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV brownthefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
CANADIAN SCIENCE NINJAS. I am in love!

...And I note that you can only get this series on DVD in region 2. What the fuck, Canada? I like you, but I can turn. Oh, I can turn.

(...jPod?)
(no subject) - odditycollector on February 16th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - odditycollector on February 16th, 2009 07:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - odditycollector on February 16th, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - odditycollector on February 16th, 2009 06:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - odditycollector on February 16th, 2009 07:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Stillanestillane on February 16th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
I totally want a science ninjas show now. They'd even have built-in internal conflict: they're ninjas, and therefore meant to be stealthy, but then there's science, and the bone-deep joy in making things go boom. They'd suffer for, like, years, until the brightest ninja bulb came up with the brilliant idea of diversionary explosions. From then on out, there would be lots of things blowing up everywhere except where the science ninjas are, thus bringing peace and harmony to their conflicting natures.

And scaring the living hell out of the rest of the world, because seriously, who can stand up to silent badasses with a working knowledge of particle physics and the ability to cook their own C4?

*wants*
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 05:35 am (UTC)
Oh my god, science ninjas! And they would perform experiments like the wind over the grass!

...The peer review process would be a bitch and a half, though. Lives would be lost.

*yearns*
(no subject) - stillane on February 16th, 2009 06:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
H: bob and davidheuradys on February 16th, 2009 04:28 am (UTC)
They're such - such people. And I have no idea if they're like that in the canon

They're really like that. So very like that.

And yes, Canadian science ninjas!
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:00 am (UTC)
I could go a long distance for Canadian science ninjas. I mean. A really long way. I suppose, since this is a Yuletide story and there weren't even any new ones this year, that there basically isn't a fandom?

*wistful*
(no subject) - heuradys on February 16th, 2009 01:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Admission to the Burning Ruins — 10¢: Mandrakelaughingacademy on February 16th, 2009 04:52 am (UTC)
On the show he’s Merlin Emrys, which apparently is based on the welsh version of his name, Myrddin Emrys. He’s also known as Merlin Ambrosius — I think Mary Stewart uses that name in her Arthurian books.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV glowythefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:01 am (UTC)
Merlin Emrys. I'm going with Merlin Emrys, on account of Merlin Ambrosius sounds like a dessert.
(no subject) - laughingacademy on February 16th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - new_kate on February 19th, 2009 12:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Rozasharnrozasharn on February 16th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
The phrase "seduction by peer-reviewed research" reminds me of this XKCD cartoon. The only other example that comes to mind is the passage in Pyramids which explains that, since camels are greatly occupied with mathematics, courtship consists of the female checking the male's methodology.

Off to read the story now!
tried to eat the safe banana: Love mathsthefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:03 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you for linking me to that. I'd seen it before, but I love xkcd so very much that it's always nice to revisit the greats.

The only other example that comes to mind is the passage in Pyramids which explains that, since camels are greatly occupied with mathematics, courtship consists of the female checking the male's methodology.

I had forgotten that!

But, seriously: stick figures, camels, and Canadian science ninjas are the ONLY people ever to seduce via peer-reviewed journal paper? There is no justice in this world. None.
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(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - heuradys on February 16th, 2009 12:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - bessemerprocess on February 16th, 2009 01:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
cathalincathalin on February 16th, 2009 06:16 am (UTC)
Skeevy. Ancients. SgaFlashfic. Challenge.

*falls over with the WIN of this idea*

tried to eat the safe banana: TFV lettersthefourthvine on February 16th, 2009 07:07 am (UTC)
So you will support me in an assault on the gods of sga_flashfic? (I don't even know how one issues suggestions for that comm. Is incense involved? Burnt offerings? It's dangerous for me to burn things! Fires have gotten out of my control before! *tense*)
(no subject) - cathalin on February 16th, 2009 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cathalin on February 17th, 2009 07:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
Auburn: TickTickBoomauburnnothenna on February 16th, 2009 07:30 am (UTC)
There's ReGenesis fic? Woot! If I'd have thought about I'd have known there would be. I can't actually tell you much about the show. One of the independent tv stations here sometimes shows two hour chunks of it on the weekends, only completely out of any kind of order, so it never makes any sense and all the women are brunettes I can't keep straight (there are five of them at least, unless they're clones, they could be clones on this show) but it seems to be some kind of medical research sciency (is too a word!) mercenaries dealing with diseases and mysterious deaths and toxic syndromes et cetera all over the world. Maybe. Possibly they work for the government. It's confusing. And there's one character who is like the lab version of Grant Jansky and they're all brilliant and dedicated, but also screwed up and selfish and you know that sometimes they have bad breath or forget to buy tampons and have regrettable one night stands with each other. I think Sanstrom unleashed Spanish Flu on Denver and got run down in the street while he was having a guilt breakdown too. The thing I noticed most about it was that they didn't wrap up and solve everything at the end of the show. It kind of looks like they never do find the cures for a lot of stuff.

And now I'm going to read that story.

Also I second the need for an All Ancients Were Skeevy Creeps challenge somewhere.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:46 am (UTC)
There is ReGenesis fan fiction! But, um, I don't want you to get your hopes up; there's not a lot. (There is a noticeboard comm, though: regen_notice. With members, even! heuradys pointed me to it.)

The show sounds really awesome, actually. Of course, it is only available on REGION TWO DVDs, because Canada hates us and has no problems with cutting off its nose to spite its face. *takes this personally*

Also I second the need for an All Ancients Were Skeevy Creeps challenge somewhere.

You should second it here!

(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: Pedantthefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:49 am (UTC)
Which is why it is perfect for the not-really-medieval England of Merlin! (They have TOMATOES. They can have Egbert. They could probably have Dilbert, for that matter.)

Ahem. I'll just take my pedantry off to bed now.

No, no. Pedantry is hot like a corset. Show it off in a public place!
Rat Creature: tvratcreature on February 16th, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)
ReGenesis is awesome, and the characters are very human and real, but watching it made me always very afraid of dying from plagues, so it was kind of a double edged sword.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:51 am (UTC)
You're in GERMANY. How did you get your hands on this show?

*sulks*

But, really, I'm already afraid of dying from plagues - it's why I don't eat meat anymore, or part of why - so I think ReGenesis is a good fit, here.
(no subject) - ratcreature on February 17th, 2009 09:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
khaleesiankhaleesian on February 16th, 2009 12:06 pm (UTC)
It makes sense in my head too...thanks for these, just the post-Valentines fix I needed.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
See, yes! First comes love, then comes gifts of chocolate and flowers, and then comes public intoxication and possibly some barfing!

...I'm guessing you can kind of see why we don't celebrate Valentine's. (Well. That, and also we had the extreme brain failure of having our anniversary on the 14th of February.)
Henry, Senior Character-Death Correspondent: [rg] david hope (me)bessemerprocess on February 16th, 2009 01:27 pm (UTC)
ReGenesis is basically science ninjas. Except with more plagues and a couple of explosions and trying to cure AIDS with bread. A skeevy American government conspiracies. Some really amazing impossible genetic science. David walking around in the buff. (Really, it's like he's a mix of McKay, House and Kirk.) Wow, I miss it. Now I'm going to have to go dig it up and watch it again (but not the last episode, because that was mind bogglingly bad.)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV glowythefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
I neeeeed this show. For one thing, who doesn't want to see a mix of McKay, House, and Kirk? NOT ME. Although I'm not sure the universe could contain such a creature, I am willing to be convinced.
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV Katamari Damacythefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
*grin* Thank you for the story!
birggitt: Valentine's Daybirggitt on February 16th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
OMG! The fic I dreamed for exist, and you just rec it!!!
I'm talking about Regenesis' Let's Not Talk About It and Say We Did. Thanks SO much for this *hugs you madly*
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV lettersthefourthvine on February 17th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
Yuletide, man. It contains almost all the fan fiction anyone could wish! It is an awesome thing, and I'm glad I could connect you to your heart's desire. (Well, the story your heart desires, anyway. That's pretty much the extent of my powers. *g*)

*hugs madly back*
(no subject) - birggitt on February 17th, 2009 10:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
caress your associative mind: minimalistmindyfromohio on February 17th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
I watched the first two seasons of ReGenesis on hulu.com (warning: they don't have season three and there is a BITCH of a cliffhanger at the end of season 2)
Lokiloki_dip on July 10th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
Very old comment.

However, I got pointed to your LJ, and love the fact that even if you don't watch it, but still recced a fic. It's a tiny fandom, but I had so much love for the show I'm ok with that. It's the only science based show ever that doesn't get my hackles up (I screamed at Bones, just gave up on CSI, House, ER - they get it SO WRONG), and the it's all about the characters really anyway.

But yes. Yay for you doing this. (We lost Regenesis after S2 in the UK, so I had to D/L. But since Mum and I are the only people I know to have watched it here, I guess I can see why...)