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23 June 2009 @ 10:18 pm
193: Something Random  
Here are some things I felt like recommending! Seriously, that's the whole theme, here.

(Side note: If you wonder, as I sometimes do, why our entertainment products appear to be made by straight white men for straight white men, you might want to read this or, if you can, donate a little something to a woman filmmaker.)

The One That Makes Me Wonder Why No One Ever Covered Safe Mind-Melding in My Middle School and High School Sex Ed Classes. Did They Not Care About My Health and Safety? You'll Get There in the End (It Just Takes a While), by seperis. Star Trek Reboot, Jim Kirk/Spock. (Does Spock have a first name? A last name? And why is it Spock, when all other Vulcans seem to be named things like T'Pippi and T'Eppic and T'Pain and T'Eyla?)

So. These days, I do most of my fan fiction reading on my Kindle, which means a delay of anything up to five years (not really) between finding the story and getting it read. (People who write long stories and put them all on one page with no tables: I love you forever. Many times my will has just broken faced with twelve or fourteen separate posts to consolidate.) While this story was waiting to be converted to Kindle format, I went to an OTW committee meeting in which it was described as, "Everything you'd ever want from a pon farr story." (This is why OTW is more fun than any other non-profit in the world. You get recs along with your work. Also, we tend to end most meetings talking about tentacle porn; if we ever get committee mascots, ours will be a tentacle waving proudly, possibly clutched around a big shiny coin.)

Obviously, that booted the priority waaaaaay up. I mean, I don't even have any wants from a pon farr story, or I didn't - I only actually know what pon farr is because of a) Killa and T. Jonesy's vid and b) because people talk about, like, vid farr and fic farr and so I had to get a précis from Best Beloved a while back. But it doesn't matter, because that is so totally right: this is everything I never even knew I wanted from a pon farr story. And, having read it, I want several million more. I totally understand how this whole slash thing got started, now.

(Also, I don't know if this is canon or Reboot or just fanon, but I love how Spock is, in this story, all, I am totally the least emotional person on the planet la la la logic is my only guiding force, and he's actually totally faking it. Because you cannot tell me he's not making emotional decisions here. He's just, you know, putting a logical face on it. As far as I can tell, Vulcans aren't emotionless, they're just bringing new depth to the concept of repression. No wonder fandom loves them so much.)

The One That Makes Me Think We Should Institute a Program of Mandatory Homosexuality for Los Angeles Police Officers. Apparently It Makes Them Eaiser to Deal with, and God Knows That Would Be a Very Welcome Change. Son Is on a Midnight Run Like DeNiro, by hackthis. Southland, John Cooper/Ben Sherman.

(First, an important note. When I rule the universe, there will be a 25 year moratorium on naming fictional characters John or Jack, and anyone who tries to use either name will have his character named by me, instead, and I can tell you right now that the first one is going to be Gervase. I have had it with this. There are baby name books for a reason, television writers! How hard is it to find a name that doesn't already belong to a major character in every other time slot? Not hard at all. Just pick something that isn't John or Jack. Seriously: Evil Overlord TFV forbids fictional Johns and Jacks. Unless your main character is a girl, and then you can name her John J. Jackson III if you want to.)

Okay. I really needed to say that. But, aside from the John Issue (NO MORE JOHNS EVER I MEAN IT OR IT'S THE SALAD MINES FOR YOU), I kind of love this canon. I mean, I have no idea what it is - the lovely qe2 told me that it's about a canonically gay cop in LA, but that's where my knowledge ends. He could be a canonically gay robot cop in a post-apocalyptic LA populated mostly by centaurs and monkeys, for all I know.

Although in that case, this would be an AU. Because one of the many things I love about this story is - okay. I live in Los Angeles. And this is Los Angeles. I can picture these places! I have driven down that street! I would kill Ben Sherman and eat his corpse to own his house! (No, not really, but I can find you a thousand people who would.) I have no idea if hackthis lives here or if she does really awesome research (I suspect the latter, mostly because I have long suspected that she lives in a secret space habitat orbiting the earth, where she creates superplants and bends them to her will), but either way: oh my god, this is SO Los Angeles. And I love it.

And I love these characters even more. (Yes, even though one of them is named John. I am prepared to forgive even that. This time. Next time, though, it is Gervase for sure.) This is a classic slash epic, involving a main character who is broken (but getting better) and grouchy (but well-meaning) and hot totally despite himself, and I love that.

And I also love, let me add, that the younger, inexperienced partner here is totally the sexual aggressor, and does none of that virginal squeaking that we sometimes see. He's all: yes, I want to do this, now let's get some cocks in play, sir. I deeply, deeply love that. I can't tell you how much.

The One That Will, for the Next Ten Years or So, Make You Snicker Helplessly Anytime Anyone Suggests Purchasing a Shag Rug. And Then Argue That Sex Toys Should Not Come out of the House Maintenance Budget. Hi, I'm Captain Jack Harkness, by frostfire_17. Star Wars x Torchwood, Chewbacca/Jack Harkness.

I am going to sit back for a bit and let that pairing sink in. Now, after it has sunk in but before you run away screaming, I'm going to share with you my own thought process when I saw this:

Me: I, um. Wookiee [and why does my spellchecker know Chewbacca but not Wookiee?]/human sex? Um. I really don't think...
Me: But it's Frostfire, though. She can make me like any pairing. I mean, okay, she's never challenged my limits this much, but...
Me: And if anyone was going to do it, it'd be Captain Jack Harkness.
Me: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to read this.

And I did. And I was very, very glad I did. I mean, it would be worth reading just for the introduction, with its slightly frantic explanation of how she came to write this (and, even though she posted it for Kink Bingo, Kink Bingo is not to blame; she just sat down one day and decided to write this of her own free will, and I really had not believed I could love her more, but that did it), but it gets even better than that. It's Jack! And Chewbacca! And Jack so totally would do Chewbacca, and I can't even blame him (although the thought of all that hair touching me makes me want to claw my own skin off, but Jack does not have my issues, or, at this point in his canon, any actual issues that I can tell). And I totally have to congratulate Jack for having the good sense to pick out the best sentient being in the room.

But most of all, I love this story because it made me realize that Jack Harkness isn't kinky. Kinky, to me, requires that you have an unusual focus on one - or several - areas of sexual interest. (Fur! Bondage! Opera glasses and bouffant hairdos! Whatever.) Jack has no special focus whatsoever - he's equally interested in all fields of sexual endeavor. His preference is, basically, any way you want it. Which means that to me Jack Harkness is the definition of vanilla. Obviously I need to work on my terms a bit.

The One That Teaches Us That If You're Going to Do a Spurious Magical Ritual, You Should Do It Outside. Preferably While Armed with Electric Cattleprods, Just in Case. Accidents Will Happen, by [info - dreamwidth.org]holli. Supernatural, gen.

Oh, adolescence. A time of rebellion! A time of unfortunate fashion choices! A time when you accidentally bring the dead back to life in your parents' basement!

Okay, maybe that didn't happen to you. It didn't happen to me, either. But I did once spend four extremely boring hours listening to the angst of a guy who was absolutely convinced he was possessed by a ghost. I had mono, and I was in no mood, and I ended up faking an exorcism just to get him to shut up and let me sleep. (Seriously: I took my middle school Latin - yes, I did say "amo, amas, amat" at one point, so thank you for that, Mrs. Scher - and some candles and some assorted cooking herbs and spices and unpossessed him. And the lesson here is: don't get between a sick person and her bed.) If I'd been living in the world of Supernatural, probably I would have ended up desouling him or something.

I just love this story, and I love these characters - I think I used to know them, in fact - and most of all I love the perspective this provides on the Supernatural universe. Because, sure, there are badass demon hunters with magical guns and magical cocks (I may be wrong about the magical guns, but I can cite several million stories on the magical cocks thing), but there must also be lots of suburban girls with random superpowers. (Also, I bet fire insurance is a bitch to get in the SPN world. And every year good actuaries probably go mad, tearing at their hair and shrieking, "But my predictions should have been correct!")

And let me finish this with a helpful hint for any teenagers reading this: if you accidentally summon a big unconscious naked guy, for the love of god lock him up and call someone. Do not talk to him. Do not get him a blanket. Do not look directly at him unless you're absolutely sure he's out cold. That kind of situation is the definition of something you want to be someone else's problem.
Admission to the Burning Ruins — 10¢: Flash Gordon  -  Flaming Rocket of Lurvelaughingacademy on June 24th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
Per a memo from to Gene Roddenberry from producer Robert Justman, male Vulcans have names that start with S and end in K; the rules have since loosened up, but the K sound remains very common. Female Vulcans tend to have names that start T’P—; I dunno if that was established by the Great Bird of the Galaxy, or if Theodore Sturgeon came up with that in “Amok Time” (T’Pau and T’Pring) and later writers continued the pattern.

Edit: Ah. Naturally, there is a Wikipedia entry on the subject.

Edited at 2009-06-24 06:05 am (UTC)
tried to eat the safe banana: Calamity Physicsthefourthvine on June 24th, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)
male Vulcans have names that start with S and end in K

...Are there not a lot of Vulcans, then? Because I would expect, with naming conventions like that, and how long Vulcans live, and especially given that Vulcans appear to have similar rules in re: vowels and suchlike, that there would be a lot of Vulcans with REALLY LONG NAMES. Or else every Vulcan group would be like my first grade class, which was, as I recollect, 60% Jason by volume.

But I suppose it would be logical. I mean, think how much it would simplify monogrammed towels.
(no subject) - beck_liz on June 24th, 2009 10:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - indywind on June 24th, 2009 01:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aethel on June 24th, 2009 04:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alixtii on August 1st, 2009 11:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - angevin2 on June 24th, 2009 08:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
je suis marxiste, tendance Groucho: st new crewshinealightonme on June 24th, 2009 06:04 am (UTC)
At some point in original Trek, Spock says he has a first name, but humans can't pronounce it. I've always suspected that the "unpronounceable name" thing is an epic inside joke the Vulcans are playing on humans, dating back to first contact between the species, when the Vulcans were trying to come off as impressive and enigmatic as possible, and they've kept it up since then because of good old fashioned Vulcan determination.
Admission to the Burning Ruins — 10¢: Aurora Borealis Treeslaughingacademy on June 24th, 2009 06:12 am (UTC)
“This Side of Paradise,” i.e. “the one with the spores and Spock in a tree.” A
(no subject) - shinealightonme on June 24th, 2009 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 24th, 2009 07:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinealightonme on June 24th, 2009 08:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
cathalin: AdamKissOutfitSmokinHotcathalin on June 24th, 2009 06:31 am (UTC)
I would just like to say that you make my world a brighter place. I am not even kidding. Every single one of these recs sounds like *exactly* what I would love. I've been meaning to read Jenn's anyway (omg why *haven't* I, since I've stalked her writing since the internet was first invented or something, and also shipped k/s in my head before I even knew what sex was, and probably even slashed the *concepts* of mind melds and pon farr).

Also, call me crazy, but only you could cause me to knowingly read Wookie slash.:)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on June 24th, 2009 08:01 am (UTC)
OMG, read Jenn's story! Read it now! You will liiiiiiiike it. (And you will like all these others, too, I do believe.)

And I had no idea about mind melds and pon farr and that until very late in life, so it has always seemed to me like Vulcans were more or less DESIGNED for slashing purposes. I mean, can you imagine if original Trek were on the air now? Can you imagine the reaction to whatever episode first introduced pon farr? The internets would break. The newsletter the next day would have to be cut for length and might very well break the post character limit. We would probably run out of exclamation points.

Also, call me crazy, but only you could cause me to knowingly read Wookie slash.

frostfirefrostfire_17 on June 24th, 2009 06:38 am (UTC)
Ahahahahaha, THANK YOU. I am happy I could make you happy, and now you have made me really happy, so now it's all one big circle of happiness and xenophilia. And shag carpets. :)

But seriously, the reception that this story has gotten has been so great, and I am always pleased when you like something of mine, and I am always very, very pleased when I get someone to like something of which they were once skeptical. And that is such an awesome rec, I laughed and laughed. YAY. *pleased*!! And Jack! Jack as the uber-vanilla! I'm going to have to give that some thought.

can't find my drink or pants: jack harkness' hands by rebeccamageeklite on June 24th, 2009 07:11 am (UTC)
I will admit, I had seen your story mentioned a few times and had always skipped over it, but since tfv mentioned it, I just had to go read, and seriously I was amazed by how much I liked the idea. :D
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 24th, 2009 08:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dzurlady on June 24th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - seadreamer on June 24th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
inappropriately bibliophilicraucousraven on June 24th, 2009 09:09 am (UTC)
Ohhhh, Reboot!fic. Never leave me!

Also, T'Pain totally needs to be canon right now.
Jen Atheneathenejen on June 24th, 2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
Huh. I tend to think of vanilla as only really liking straight-up, non-kinky sex, and kinky as having some set of kinks; someone who would possibly be turned on by all of them would still strike me as essentially kinky and definitely not vanilla, as a vanilla person would probably find most of them kinda gross, or at least not hot. Though, I do see your point about "kinky" meaning, to you, having specific kinks (and only specific kinks), in that case I would submit that Jack Harkness is neither kinky nor vanilla. At least not in the way the term vanilla is used in kink-related communities. I think you could make a case for it if you go back to the base metaphor (vanilla going with everything), but that is not really how it's commonly used.

I agree with you about the John/Jack thing, but I'd also like to submit Chuck for a temporary moratorium, as the number of popular and oft-discussed characters named Chuck has proliferated greatly in the past couple of years, and Chuck is an unusual enough name that I end up doing a mental double-take nearly every time I see it.
Carol Slapillus on June 30th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
And we need to add Sam to the list of names to avoid. At this point I hesitate even to guess gender from it.
peeps wanna see peeps boink: don't you know daddy's comingmusesfool on June 24th, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
Man, I love that SPN story. It is ALWAYS good for a pick-me-up when I need one.
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on June 24th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC)
According to Spock's World, and this is borne out in other bits of actual canon, Vulcans are a people of strong and raw emotions by nature. Surak, the famed Vulcan philosopher, saw how the emotions of his people were driving them to their destruction, and went about changing the world. In the end, Vulcans controlled their emotions, and Romulans (Rihannsu, dammit!) who chose to embrace their passions, went off-planet and far away.
cellia: heecellia on June 25th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
I was debating whether to post something like this about Vulcans and emotions, so thank you! (and for putting it better than I would have as well!)
All the letters I can write: How will it end?wendelah1 on June 24th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
I love your plot summaries complete with color commentary. I think I enjoy them more than most of the fic I read.
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on June 24th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
Also, faking an exorcism is awesome.

My cure-all for most people who believe themselves to be in possession of Serious Magical Troubles is a white candle and an earnest prayer for protection. I found it ever so hard to not laugh at a fellow I used to work with who believed himself to have gotten hexed by an email forward. (Whatever it was that was bothering him, that worked, he reported back.) Headology ftw.
Seadreamer: Jack & Ianto - lovelyseadreamer on June 24th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, dear God in heaven, you made me read Wookiesex!!! And I so blamed it on you too, when I commented at the author's LJ. Thank you for that. I'll be sure to blame you for the sick, sick and twisted dreams, and might quite possibly work this into Cliche Bingo somehow. ^_~
brindelbrindel on June 25th, 2009 03:47 am (UTC)
Lackey CD reference?
I am prepared to forgive even that. This time. Next time, though, it is Gervase for sure.

Gervase? As in the Lizard Wizard?! (I totally love that song!) *g*
.: southland: i haz naked cooper! (chasethehackthis on June 26th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
First of all, you know I made unintelligible Ari-like noises when I saw you recoed this, because well, I did. But good Ari-noises, not like the bad, Brad is in the vicinity noises. Having said that however, I'm afraid, in light of this comment: I suspect the latter, mostly because I have long suspected that she lives in a secret space habitat orbiting the earth, where she creates superplants and bends them to her will), I'm going to have to beem you aboard as I cannot have you telling people about my sekrit space ninja ways. The federation would not approve.
msminlrmsminlr on June 29th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
Totally OT but the Private Message i sent you appears to have black-holed
A link from a friend's LJ blog led me to your dog-and-sweet-potato story recently.

After I dried my eyes from laughing so hard, it occurred to me that this would make a FANTASTIC humorous reading at the Open Mic held weekly at a local Coffeehouse. Especially if I got to play "Dog". In order to give proper authorship credit, though I figured I should try to contact you and ask what nom-de-plume you would like attached to it.
chicken soup for the Slytherin's soulmontglanechess on June 30th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
Every day (that I remember) I sit around and say "My life would be a sad, cold place without TFV recs".

I had not been back here for, um, a while (because I was clearly suffering a brain injury) and now that I have returned, I rolled around in your awesome, snarky commentary and tried not to spit tea out my nose.


Daily TFV reading is, like, going on my day planner man. How have I survived this much of my internship without this hilarity?