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21 January 2010 @ 06:31 pm
Sex Really Is the Universal Fandom, Apparently  
Best Beloved recently developed a desire to see a movie about a man with a disturbingly large moustache duking it out with a bald robot in a cowboy hat. Fortunately, there is a movie that meets this need. I was not judging this choice, but she still felt she had to defend it, and one point of her defense was that said movie was nominated for various awards.

This led, as was inevitable, to me browsing the IMDb for other nominees and winners of the Nebula for Best Script (given by your friends and mine, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America). Which led me to discover that in 2000, the winner was The Sixth Sense, which beat out The Matrix, The Iron Giant, The Devil's Arithmetic, and a movie called Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.

Let me just repeat that: Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.

I read it out loud to Best Beloved, and she said, "Sounds like porn."

"It does," I said, "but why would they nominate porn for a screenwriting award?" (In my youth, I sat through several porn movies, and I tell you what: even if there had been a Nebula for Best Script That's at Least 50% "AAH!" and "OH GOD YES!" these movies still would not have won. Somewhere there is good porn, I'm guessing, but none of the guys I knew in high school or college knew about it.) So I checked. It is, in fact, porn. The plot keywords are Hardcore, Orgy, Second Part, Ejaculation, and Spaceship, which - wow, evocative. You can kind of see the story unfolding, can't you? In fact, I think I've read that story. Hmmm.

This obviously leaves me with a burning need to know what the hell is so special about Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2. (Also I'm wondering how it got a Nebula nomination, and what exactly the voting process there was, but that, I figure, is a story for a different time. I am betting massive quantities of wank were involved - and, um, not just the kind you do by yourself.) Has anyone out there actually seen this cinematic masterpiece? (Ask your friends! And your parents! And your teachers!) Is it the kind of gripping, brilliant work Ursula Le Guin would have produced if she had ever been inspired to write hardcore spaceship orgy porn? (Ursula! Call me! I have a pitch for you!) What makes it so much better than parts 1 and 3, which were not nominated? (I mean, part 1 apparently had a sex scene filmed in NASA's vomit comet, which shows enormous dedication on the part of the actors and whoever put up the money, but that didn’t make it worthy of consideration.)

I just. I yearn to know. And yet I doubt Netflix carries this undoubtedly excellent title, and also, I really, really don't want to watch it. But someone somewhere must have!

Or, alternatively - somewhere out there, there must be a person who watches a lot of het porn. There is a recapping job just crying out to be done here, person!
is that a fact or a weapondisprove on January 22nd, 2010 03:04 am (UTC)
Not to curtail the heroic search for this gem of a film, but perhaps it's included in the list because of something more mundane like an error in IMDb?
ellen_fremedon on January 22nd, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
(no subject) - esther_a on January 22nd, 2010 03:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 04:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
like the boy who cried wolf, but with lesbianssequinedfairy on January 22nd, 2010 03:15 am (UTC)
i am staring in awe. and kind of horror, but mostly awe.

also, i am having terrible flashbacks to a porn movie me and my friend stumbled on in our youth (i'm pretty sure we weren't teenagers at the time, though we were close to it), and were too disgustingly fascinated (not turned on. not at all. SCIENTIFIC CURIOUSITY. and horror. like, train wreck) to turn it off, and then my MOTHER called and my phone was VIBRATING in her LAP, and then we paused and i had to TALK TO MY MOTHER while there was TERRIBLE THINGS ON THE SCREEN and -- ah. it was not a good time, i will just say.

in payment for that HORRIFYING MEMORY, i think you should watch this movie, and recap it. because, seriously. NO ONE ELSE WOULD BE HALF AS AMAZING AT IT.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV brownthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 05:04 am (UTC)
I've told this story before, but when I was in high school, my sister and her boyfriend and me and a guy rented porn. Which we watched in the TV room at my parents' house. My father wandered in in the middle, looking for dirty laundry, and my sister elected to PAUSE rather than STOP, right on a close up of oral sex. My father looked at the screen and said, "Oh, how nice. She's giving that man mouth-to-genital resuscitation."

Also while I was in high school, I was at a party at a house occupied by a friend and some of her friends, and we sent one of the guys who lived there to rent a movie. He came back with a real movie and four porn movies (as guys always did in those days), and the party (overwhelmingly male) decided to watch the porn first. It got hotter and hotter in the house, and eventually every woman in the place migrated to the kitchen, where we had the door wide open, wondering how long it would take the guys to notice they were boiling. We eventually discovered that the thermostat had broken; the temperature was over 90 by the time the movie ended. Every single guy assumed it wasn't hot in there, it was just him. The movie in question? An x-rated version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, where she fucks the caterpillar.

My point: I HAVE DONE MY TIME IN THE PORN MINES. NO MORE. Some other brave soul will have to recap it.
(no subject) - sequinedfairy on January 22nd, 2010 10:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jotasbrane on January 23rd, 2010 01:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sequinedfairy on January 23rd, 2010 01:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 23rd, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sequinedfairy on January 24th, 2010 04:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - stasia on January 24th, 2010 07:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sequinedfairy on January 24th, 2010 01:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - illariy on January 22nd, 2010 12:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - liddle_oldman on January 23rd, 2010 11:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Also into cats: ApprovalCatjamethiel_bane on January 22nd, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)
... I want to see that movie SO BADLY. It's a burning void in my soul which I NEVER KNEW EXISTED before.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 05:08 am (UTC)
Doooooooo iiiiiiiiit. And then recap it so I can know! OMG DO IT!
(Deleted comment)
Also into cats: Winejamethiel_bane on January 22nd, 2010 03:40 am (UTC)
DUDE. Porn watching party at your place if we can get our hands on it? Provided we can both get really really drunk and find a form of alcohol that doesn't hurt when it's snorted out your nose.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - jamethiel_bane on January 22nd, 2010 04:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 05:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Cristin Anneladysorka on January 22nd, 2010 03:25 am (UTC)
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(no subject) - ladysorka on January 22nd, 2010 03:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - ladysorka on January 22nd, 2010 03:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - jamethiel_bane on January 22nd, 2010 03:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lilacsigil on January 22nd, 2010 04:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moosesal on January 22nd, 2010 04:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 05:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
Martha Wells: readingmarthawells on January 22nd, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
It only takes ten nominations to get a work on the preliminary Nebula ballot, and any member can nominate. The preliminary ballot is voted on by all the members, and the top five works in each category move to the final ballot. But if there were only five films in that category on the preliminary ballot, all of them would automatically be placed on the final ballot. (If I'm remembering the rules right; it's been a long time since I've looked at them.)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV Katamari Damacythefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 06:07 am (UTC)
...So ten members got together and said, hey, it'd be great to put porn on the ballot? They did it for the LULZ? It's nice to know some things are constants.
Stillanestillane on January 22nd, 2010 03:32 am (UTC)
I had a bet with myself that someone would produce a link to the movie within the first 10 comments. Hee. Fandom is awesome.

I kind of want to watch it, just for curiosity's sake, but I don't feel like it's an experience that should be undertaken either A) alone or B) sober. This naturally means that I'm now wondering who I could call on to suffer with me and whether there is enough alcohol in my apartment... You'd be surprised at how few people won't hang up on you when you ring on a Thursday night to request that they come over and get sloshed while watching award-nominated porn. *sad headshake*
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV lettersthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
Let me just point out that today is Friday. Surely you can get some folks together for porn and alcohol tonight! Who DOESN'T want to spend Shabbat that way?

Seriously, I would think vet student honor would REQUIRE a thorough study of this scientific document. *stares at you*
Karen: Perspectiveodditycollector on January 22nd, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)
Well. I know what I am watching tonight.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV menorahthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
A landmark in cinematic history! Take good notes. You never know when something like this is going to be on the test.
Lorrainelunabee34 on January 22nd, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)
*claps hands*

I wonder if it will be anything like 2060: A Sex Odyssey?
ariadne83: o hai dadariadne83 on January 22nd, 2010 04:33 am (UTC)
We can only live in hope!
(no subject) - lunabee34 on January 22nd, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lunabee34 on January 22nd, 2010 05:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on January 22nd, 2010 03:47 am (UTC)
Fortunately, there is a movie that meets this need.

Really? What is it? I am a lot more interested in that than in the doubtless immortal epic Black Label one... though a review of this Black Label masterpiece or failing that, an explanation as to how it made it to the list of nominations I would indeed read with a lot of interest.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV bluethefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC)
Westworld, made in 1973, when men attempted to grow curtains of hair from their upper lips.
(no subject) - jackiekjono on January 22nd, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on January 22nd, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lauratavella on January 22nd, 2010 03:50 am (UTC)
The Nebula shortlist is pretty famous for being game-able, if I recall, especially in the less-known categories. I think James Nicoll has snarked about it a few times. Small group of nominators, easy to get a bunch to go along either with a joke or by sucking up.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV brownthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
I just hope that voters aren't required to see all the works on the ballot. I mean, I am sure that Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2 is a work of grand and glorious art. But some people just do not like art. You know how it is.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on January 22nd, 2010 08:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Hyrkanian: O RYLEHhyrkanian on January 22nd, 2010 03:51 am (UTC)
Well now. Hrmmm.

Should someone do a recap, I'd be interested. Not sure I'm brave enough to go there myself. At least not tonight.

tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on January 22nd, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
I totally agree that someone should do a recap, and it should be someone ELSE. I have hopes, though! Viewing parties are apparently being formed!
when regiment is gone: Madrox investigates pornography by jaelikindkit on January 22nd, 2010 03:56 am (UTC)
I believe the answer to how this film ended up on the Nebula final ballot is right here in the Nebula rules:
b. In the event that less than six (6) works are nominated in a given category, then all works will be listed on the FINAL BALLOT.

Somebody probably nominated the thing as a joke, or to stir up trouble, and then because there were fewer than six nominations total (there really were--I checked the nominees list for that year) it went on to the final ballot.

The rules I quoted are revised ones from 2009, but I would imagine the same rule was in effect 10 years ago.

Edited at 2010-01-22 03:58 am (UTC)
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV dogtagsthefourthvine on January 23rd, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)
You are entirely right, according to an article found by droolfangrrl. Apparently it was a protest type thing. It's nice to see that the SFWA hasn't changed at all!
jarrow: _ducksjarrow on January 22nd, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
I have no idea what this film is, but good goddamn, it sounds frickin MADE FOR strangefandom. SOMEBODY VID IT. PLEASE.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV flowersthefourthvine on January 23rd, 2010 08:05 pm (UTC)
JOHN, I BELIEVE YOU OWE IT TO FANDOM TO GET YOUR VID ON WITH THIS THING. You can set it to the theme from 2010: A Space Odyssey! It would be TIMELY and RELEVANT. It is caaaaaaalling your name!
(no subject) - owlrigh on January 27th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Mal: snowy river otp by dalaz_iconsmalnpudl on January 22nd, 2010 04:19 am (UTC)
My world is now enriched. For which I thank you. I think.

Also: You and BB watched Westworld, didn't you? Wow. I think I just had a flashback.
tried to eat the safe banana: TFV glowythefourthvine on January 23rd, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, come on. Like you aren't a little bit happier just KNOWING that there was a porn movie called The Uranus Experiment 2 that was nominated for a Nebula. Of COURSE you should thank me!

And yes, BB watched Westworld. I did not, on account of I was likely to root for the robots, which would have interfered with her ability to enjoy the movie.