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19 April 2010 @ 02:53 pm
Star Wars at the Park  
I kind of gave up on Star Wars; I think it was sometime in the middle of Attack of the Clones. I could just feel all my interest drifting away. (Although I still have love for the original series, of course.) But I spend a lot of my time at the park these days, and I tell you what: small children have not given up on Star Wars. The last two times we've been there, I've overheard some truly fascinating examples of - well, in a way, it's like very early fan fiction.

And in a way, it's like stand-up comedy. (Okay, more like run-around comedy. Still.)

The Theological Convictions of Boba Fett

Kid 1: You're Boba Fett!
Boba Fett, agreeably: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: You have to stay Boba Fett all day no matter what.
Boba Fett, nodding: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: And I'm God!
Boba Fett: Then you're dead. God is dead.
God, sounding shocked: God isn't dead.
Boba Fett: God's in heaven, right?
God: ...Right.
Boba Fett, in the tone of one who would say QED if he knew the term: So God is dead.
God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!
Boba Fett, confidently: And dead.

The Trouble with Yoda

Boy 1, arriving at play area with tiny girl in tow, sounding glum: My mom says we have to let her play.
Boy 2: I just give my brother a toy. [He hands her a lightsaber.] Here. You're Yoda. You have to be Yoda because he's small and you're small.
Tiny Girl, gripping lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Boy 2: And I'm the taxi man.
Boy 1, in ominous tones: And I'm a VAMPIRE.
Yoda, standing firm with lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Taxi Man, running at her with a stick: I'm going to hit you, Yoda!
Yoda, whamming him with the lightsaber: Can't hit me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, from across the play area: I'm going to BITE YOU.
Yoda: Can't bite me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, making claw hands and swooping in with his stick: ARRRRRRRR, I'm BITING YOU.
Yoda, getting him in the the knees with the lightsaber: CAN'T.
Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

[The vampire and the taxi man retire, probably to discuss the Yoda problem. She watches. They, perhaps unwisely, turn their backs to whisper privately.]


[She charges and nails them both with the lightsaber from behind.]

Vampire and taxi man: OW. NOT FAIR.
Yoda, collecting the sticks they dropped during the surprise attack: Yoda wins!

Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment count unavailable comments.
your royal pie-ness: buffyverse: SG blooperentrenous88 on April 19th, 2010 10:30 pm (UTC)
I did not imagine I could be a bigger fan of Yoda, but HERE WE ARE! \o/
Professor Liddle-Oldmanliddle_oldman on April 19th, 2010 10:35 pm (UTC)
You judge him by his size? Yoda always wins.
tour cincinnati dammitmisanthrope7842 on April 19th, 2010 10:36 pm (UTC)
These are fantastic stories. I like young kids at parks. Especially when they're not mine.
Sometimes You Get Marshmallows: dark sideflorahart on April 19th, 2010 10:36 pm (UTC)
Go tiny Yoda girl! (Dear boys: maybe you noticed, in III Palpatine thought he could kick Yoda's ass, AND YET)

Proactively Untwist Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants: dug - hi theredramaturgca on April 19th, 2010 10:37 pm (UTC)
Both Boba Fett and Yoda have extremely fulfilling careers ahead of them...
Time Is Like A Kiss: my fandom sees the stars by elishavahjenlev on April 19th, 2010 10:39 pm (UTC)
Fabulous, beyond wonderful. And heee! Yoda does indeed win.

Also...I'm with you on the three new Star Wars movies....they make me headdesk and then run away.

By the way, I once bet my cousin-in-law that I could find sites devoted to Boba Fett very quickly. He gave me three minutes. It took ten seconds. He was quite astonished by the sheer number of web sites in the search result. My cousin paid his debt.
like the boy who cried wolf, but with lesbianssequinedfairy on April 19th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC)
i just read both of these to my dad, and he agrees: yoda wins. AMAZING.
sapote3sapote3 on April 19th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)
These are awesome. Thank you for posting them.
I was raised the old-fashioned way: starbuck happy || super_kcsasha_davidovna on April 19th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
Hee! Go Yoda!

Love the Boba Fett one, too. Small child logic is awesome.
Gummo Bergman's "Silent Strawberries": Pot/Kettlemarginaliana on April 19th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Boba Fett pleases me immensely.
because you're the greatest, ted!holli on April 19th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
Kids are so much funnier than we usually give them credit for. One of my third-graders formulated a knock-knock joke that nearly made me fall over laughing-- it went thusly:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting Julia Child.

Interrupting Julia Chi-

[in a perfect Julia Child voice] BON APPETIT!
ReginaGiraffereginagiraffe on April 20th, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)
*falls over laughing*

That's even better than:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak. Oksy, now you have to say "Control freak who?"
Still Waiting For My Jetpack: star wars (luke skywalker)azewewish on April 19th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
Yoda always wins. Because Yoda is magic. But not dead. (Unlike God.)
Rachel M Brownrachelmanija on April 19th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC)
God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!

Boba Fett, confidently:
And dead.

lightning rod for criticism: disney: brother stuffannakovsky on April 19th, 2010 11:22 pm (UTC)
I am DYING, this is the best thing ever.
Lorrainelunabee34 on April 19th, 2010 11:27 pm (UTC)
You are so right. I really don't care for the newest incarnations of Star Wars, but my seven year old daughter loves the Clone Wars. She and her two little girlfriends constantly play Clone Wars. One of their favorite games is called Clone Wars Moms, where they are Clone Troopers and Anakin chases them around and tries to kill them because he thinks they're evil but they're not. And also they have babies. Oh, and a favorite by-herself game is Making Star Wars Potions. The child is uninterested in Harry Potter. The first book is on her reading level, but even though I've offered it to her she's all whatever. This game somehow manages to combine HP with Star Wars though. She takes a bowl of water and dumps all sorts of nature in it and then writes down the ingredients in a little notebook. "Water, dirt, grass, some flowers" and so forth and then makes up names for them like "Dead or Statue" which apparently either paralyzes or kills Droids. Fascinating.