tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

216: Crossover Paradise

This post has been brought to you by all the time I've spent browsing through the various fanart offers on the Help Japan auctions. (And I just need to ask: Can we please be done with natural disasters? Forever? Like maybe can we just go into the universe's Preferences tab and unticky the box marked "Allow Natural Disasters"? BECAUSE THE WORLD IS FALLING APART. IT'S SAD. ALSO SCARY.) I spent all that time entirely because of a conversation I had with frostfire_17. We were just going along, like you do, and then we realized we had glimpsed Crossover Paradise, a perfect world of mixed-up hotness. Sadly, I cannot share this vision with you, as I myself have the art skills of a snail, and I can't find a person who a) has a style of art that is readable to me, b) is willing to draw a live action crossover, c) is willing to draw the full bodies of three characters, and d) is offering her work for auction. There is no such person. I weep. Is it wrong to want someone to draw Reboot Spock, Kirk, and Uhura as Dom, Brian, and Letty from the Fast and the Furious? No. No, it is not wrong, and if you think it is, I would just point out that as Letty, Uhura gets to wear a grease-stained white tank top. THAT COULD NEVER BE WRONG. But, since I can't find anyone to draw it, I just invite you to think on it for a bit. Just kind of - stare off into space and picture it.

See? Crossover Paradise. Meditate on it long enough and you'll probably achieve union with the godhood. Or some kind of union, anyway.

Fortunately, there are many Crossover Paradises, and some of them have even been drawn, by people with actual real artistic skill. You need to see them, to while away the minutes you aren't dedicating to picturing Spock strangling Kirk up against a heavily modded muscle car. And I have links!

The One That Makes Me Wonder If Everyone Looks Cooler in a Bow Tie, or If It's Just Various Doctors and Guys Named Troy. Pictorial Evidence Either Way Welcome! Vote Troy, by turntap2. Community x Doctor Who.

Okay, so Fandom March Madness this year was hard-fought, with the possibility of lingering bad feelings on all sides. (Actually, that's every year. Fandom March Madness is a thing that brings so many of us together in embittered resentment.) But I think we can all agree that both of the final characters are awesome. (Although I have to admit here that I have no actual first-hand knowledge of either of them. But! I have seen some Eleventh Doctor vids! And some extremely compelling Troy Barnes gifs. Obviously this makes me an authority on the matter, suitable for providing quotable soundbites should this issue ever come to general media attention.) And I think we can also agree that a mashup of the two final characters is awesomeness SQUARED.

So, yes, this is Troy Barnes as the Eleventh Doctor. Or, possibly, Troy Barnes cosplaying the Eleventh Doctor, if that makes more sense for the character. Either way, this is adorable and sweet, and it got me to Vote Troy. It also got me to ask Best Beloved to watch Community. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a black man who can make it to the end and look fabulous with a sonic screwdriver while he's doing it.

The One That Makes Me Wonder Who They Sent to Arrest the King after His Little Accident. Was It Maybe... the Enterprise? Untitled, by babyknuckles (I think). Katamari Damacy x Star Trek.

I realize that the potential audience for this one is limited to people who love both Katamari Damacy and Kirk/Spock, but since I am so firmly in that group that I might actually be, like, the Vice-Potentate of Royal Rainbows and Tricorders, I don't care. (And, in all honesty, anyone who has ever played Katamari Damacy should look at this. It will make you happy. I am fairly sure of it. And anyone who has not played Katamari Damacy and has the ability to do so should really give it a roll; you will magically become a happier person. And, okay, you'll have some very catchy tunes stuck in your head, but the point is: happiness. Cheap at twice the price!) It's like this was designed to put a smile on my face, by someone who had access to the secret inner workings of my mind. Only without the creepy telepathic datamining that that would imply.

I just - looking at this makes you want to roll up the universe, you know? Or write really bad fan fiction in which the Enterprise encounters the King of All Cosmos. (I, um. Now I am actually picturing this. Picturing TOS Kirk encountering a guy who gets drunk and breaks the stars. And the thing is, I find myself thinking, Maybe they already did that in an episode. It sounds like something TOS would do. Drunken god-kings with strange diction - it's practically a TOS subgenre, am I right?) For the record, though, I think the King of All Cosmos would be a win with any version of Kirk and Spock. Of course, the King would say he's always a win. Annnnnd I just realized that the King and Charlie Sheen would have a lot to say to each other, so I am going to move quickly to the next rec before I actually imagine that.

The One That Irresistibly Suggests a Family-Friendly Comedy Movie Called, Like, Too Many Angels or The Trouble with Angels, Except That It Would Have to End in an Apocalypse, Which Is Not Generally Considered G-Rated Material.
Our Angels Are Different, by quantum_witch. Good Omens x It's a Wonderful Life x Doctor Who x Supernatural.

I think you can see where this is heading: to Awesome Station, with round-the-clock service to Hilarityville. Because, I mean - there are a lot of fictional angels out there, and they don't agree on anything. (Except for wings. Not that they all have wings, mind you, but all the angels I can think of offhand agree that wings are relatively more important in their lives than in the average human's. Okay, fine, now tell me the exception.) I have to admit, I particularly like the appearance of the Weeping Angels in this, despite my, um, historical difficulties with them. (All of you who said I should watch Blink, including my sister and nephew, who I once trusted: I DID. And I left inch-deep gouge marks in Best Beloved's arms. I did far less damage to her during labor. I am not good with scary, okay?)

And then, of course, there's the Good Omens framework (Aziraphale attempting to explain the facts of life to an angel of a different order alone makes this piece worth your fannish time), and Castiel, who I don't have any personal knowledge of, but in this he looks sort of like a hybrid of an angel and a noir detective, out to right wrongs and work his way through three hundred years of demotion or something.

Maaaaaan. Now I really want an angel noir detective story. Please tell me there's a piece of fan fiction that meets my needs. (Or anime or manga. Surely there's anime or manga?)

The One with the Hottest People with Disappearing Thighs That I Believe I've Ever Seen. Although I Cannot Claim to Have Made a Thorough Study of Transparent Thigh Porn. What Is the Matrix?, by ileliberte. Star Trek Reboot x The Matrix.

I love and adore and sometimes secretly snuggle art that tells you the whole story, and the fact is, this one is so clear that the story almost writes itself. Except that I, myself, will never actually manage to write it, because when I get the urge, I think, "Well, I could write one in this fandom, or I could just re-read [ profile] tripoli's SG1 x Matrix stuff," and I think you can see how that choice is going to come out.

But oh my stars and garters, this is such an amazing concept, largely because I think the world needs more Uhura, Spock, and Kirk in black leather dodging bullets and being hot. Actually, they don't even need to dodge the bullets; I am perfectly content just to admire them. I particularly love Spock's little glasses; the man was clearly born to wear sunglasses. Just as Uhura was obviously born to wear black leather.

(I also love that the artist included bonus cookies for those of us who obsessively look for meaning in any random assemblage of letters. Yes, ileliberte, I am in fact really reading that. Even the Hot Trio in black leather can't distract me. That much.)

The One That Makes Me Want to Pick Yoda up and Just Squeeze Him. I Suppose One Does Not Just Cuddle a Jedi Master, Though. Dr. Seuss Does Star Wars, by Adam Watson. Star Wars x Dr. Seuss.

Okay, first I must include a note that you probably would be happier not reading the text in this one, if you're a spelling and grammar freak or if broken meter makes you twitch. Which I am. I can't help it, and I am more to be pitied than censured.

But the art, people. Oh my god, that is the best Yoda in the world. It looks just like him, and yet totally unlike him! And the Jabba, who I find infinitely more threatening Seussified than I ever did in the original Star Wars version. And Jabba's little creature thing, which I am sure some more dedicated Star Wars fan knows the name of, but I decline to look it up because that way lies the sarlaac of eternal link following. (Is it really a sarlaac? Could I possibly have remembered that right? I'm talking about the eaty thing that Jabba tries to throw Han into, and, yes, I have totally ruined the joke, but I don't care. If it is a sarlaac, I'm officially renaming TV Tropes the Sarlaac of the Internets.)

And then, when you're done admiring the art, you can imagine what Star Wars would be like if Dr. Seuss had written it. Fanart crossovers: expanding viewers' brains. Sometimes in painful directions. (And if you're wondering what would be painful about that, imagine Darth Vader rhyming.)

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