But recently we bought the earthling the Pigeon app, and that has taken his Pigeon-bus anguish to new heights. You can change a lot of things about the story in the app, but you can't change the one thing the earthling desperately wants to. No matter what, you have to keep telling the Pigeon no.
I can only conclude that this strikes the earthling as terribly, fundamentally wrong. He's complained to us. He's protested to the app. Every time he plays the app, he gets his stuffed Pigeon out and lets him drive all the cars and trucks he owns, carefully playing through his ideal scenario, which goes like this:
"Can I drive the car transporter?" Pigeon says.
"Yes, you can. I'll help you."
"I'm so happy! This is the best day ever. I'm driving the car transporter!" Pigeon says.
This is an actual transcription, word-for-word, of one of his recent rounds of Pigeon Gets to Drive the Things. (Including the dialogue tags, because the earthling knows you have to specify who's talking.)
So it was against this background of extreme concern over rampant Pigeon-related injustice that I uttered the word "petition" to the earthling yesterday.
"What's petition?" he asked.
I tried to explain. "A petition is a letter you write to someone, asking for something you think should happen. And you sign it, and other people who agree with you sign it, and it's a way of showing that lots of people feel this way."
"Oh," he said, thinking. "Can we write a petition?"
"You have to have a thing you want to happen," I told him. "Like better lunches at school."
"Or the Pigeon to drive the bus?" he asked. I agreed that that is a thing you could write a petition about. "Let's do that," he said.
"But you need a reason," I said. "A good reason why the Pigeon should drive the bus."
"It will make him happy," he said. He thought some more. "He keeps asking and no one ever says yes. You have to say no even if you want yes."
"Any more?" I asked.
He thought some more. "It makes me sad to see him always get said no," he told me.
"You mean you'd rather see him get what he's dreamed of and worked for?" I asked, interpreting some.
"YES," the earthling said.
Those are perfectly good reasons, in my opinion. So, yeah, I made a petition for the earthling. And I'm asking you to sign it. Tell your friends, tell your family: we want the Pigeon to ride the bus. He's been asking for ten years and no one has EVER said yes. It's time to figure out how to make it happen.
Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!
Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comments.