tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

Slashy Nominations 6: Sean Bean, the Patron Saint of Slash

Everything Sean Bean touches turns to slash. Slutty slash, mostly, where the characters are in bed in three paragraphs and totally debauched in eight. I can't tell you why this man is such a renewable natural slash resource. Is it his morally ambiguous characters? His penchant for appearing in period costume? His "100% NC-17 PWP" shoulder tattoo? But I know this: if he's really making a lion TV movie, we'll be seeing lion slash* before the year is out. Better read the Sean Bean back catalog while we still can, then.

Best FF in Which We Learn the True Meaning of Dominance: Snowfall, by Keelywolfe. Lord of the Rings, Aragorn/Boromir. It's like an animated Christmas special: the magic of snow and elves and - well, and slutty kings. So not so much like a Christmas special, actually, but special nonetheless.

Best FF in Which We Learn Important Relationship Lessons: Different Kind, by Calico. Lord of the Rings, Aragorn/Boromir. Pay close attention to this one, and you won't ever need to buy another women's magazine. You'll already know that a quickie doesn't mean true love, that you should make sure he's not married before you date him, and that your fantasies are not his reality. And that if you're only going to wear one accessory, you should make it a really good belt. See, there is a point to fan fiction!

Best FFs in Which We Learn to Love Danes: Pearl Traders and the sequel A Thief in the Night, by Gloria Mundi. Richard Sharpe series, Sharpe/OMC. And Sharpe's Friend, by Cinzia. Richard Sharpe series, Sharpe/Lavisser. When I realized that there's more than one Sharpe-Does-Denmark story eligible for a Slashy, I began to understand what Sean Bean's characters bring to this world. Or rather, to the internet. Smut, basically. I suppose we should send him a thank-you note or something.

Best FF in Which We Learn That Addictions Are Bad for Us: From the Shadows, by Carmarthen. GoldenEye, Alec Trevelyan/James Bond, and I don't know how well this one will work if you haven't seen the movie. Addictions, as it turns out, are especially bad for you if James Bond is one of them; you'd be better off with the smoking, frankly, or the freebasing while skydiving. Unbelievably, this is not a PWP, or indeed NC-17 (even Odysseus nods, apparently). It's just an absolutely fantastic character study, and my favorite of these nominations.

*Yes, I do know there's already lion slash. But I work with electrodes daily to forget.
Tags: [rec theme: specific actors], bond, lord of the rings, sharpe
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