Ocean's 11 was a fun, popular movie that featured maybe the slashiest relationship to grace the big screen since Paul Newman and Robert Redford stopped working together* (to the regret of all, or at least all with any taste, and if you don't know why, see The Sting, goddammit). George Clooney and Brad Pitt had enough sexual chemistry that the UN should probably have been called in to search for weapons of mass slashiness; I mean, there are scenes that might as well come with subtextual subtitles on the DVD. ("Attention slash fans: and then they had sex.") Or maybe they could just place a discreet symbol in the lower left corner of the screen in parts that beg for some added guy-guy action. Which is most of them.
So why is there not more slash for this movie? I've actually listed every story I've read and would recommend in this fandom below. (NOTE, added 06/09/2005: no longer true; now we have better archives and way more FF. Yay!) It's not a long list. A list of every story ever in this fandom wouldn't be all that much longer. And yet there's more subtext in this movie than in Pirates of the Caribbean, Jack Sparrow and all. There're more Slashy Moments in this movie than in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, and I'm talking about the extended edition. And yet you could inscribe this entire fandom on the head of a pin, and still have room for two George Clooney/Brad Pitt RPS stories, assuming there even are any.
And I really, really want to see some activity in this fandom - and I'm not proud; I'm more than willing to beg and plead and whine and, actually, most people who know me would say that's not anything new or different, but still, it's something - before the sequel comes along and potentially fucks it all up. Because Catherine Zeta-Jones is in the next one, and Julia Roberts is still in the next one, and I just don't know how much subtext can survive that duo. Although I suppose it opens up the possibility of Tess/Whoever Zeta-Jones Is Playing femslash.
Hence this post, which is my attempt to scare up some interest in the fandom. If you write something in it, or about it, or even whine at your friends to write something in it, let me know, OK? It'll make me happy, and given the weeks I've had recently - home repairs, and then home repairs, and then the kind of repairs that necessitate leaving one's home altogether - I'm ready for happiness.
-The Characters-
DANNY OCEAN is the guy whose grin makes you forget to count your change. And the cards. And your fingers. When the movie opens, he's just been released from prison after a four-year sentence. And what does he say to the first comrade in crime he meets? "Seen him?" The him in question is Rusty Ryan, without whom he apparently cannot do anything, and who he apparently urgently needs the second he's out of prison. I don't know what this says to you, but to me it says "Attention slash fans: and then they had sex." Danny Ocean is played by George Clooney in dark suits.
RUSTY RYAN is Danny's long-time partner. (In confidence schemes and robberies. And, I am totally convinced, in bed.) While Danny was in prison, Rusty got so bored he ended up ripping off rising young actors, which is so much a part of California tradition that it isn't even illegal here. (In fact, it's the official sport of Beverly Hills, Palos Verdes, and Pacific Palisades.) But he'd really like to get back to breaking the law. What luck for him, then, that Danny has a plan. Rusty, meanwhile, has an oral fixation. Seriously. This movie has the most eating scenes of anything not titled My Dinner with Andre, and they're all Rusty consuming whatever he can get his hands on. (Slashers: on your mark, get set, go!) Rusty is played by a gracile Brad Pitt in light suits, shiny shirts, and other things that hint at a '70s revival just enough to cause flashbacks in people who took bad acid back then.
TESS OCEAN is Danny's ex-wife. She didn't know Danny was a con man, a thief, and a liar, but she's supposed to be intelligent. She can't walk in heels and has the least flattering lighting, makeup, and hair work ever done to Julia Roberts, but she's supposed to be beautiful. She's dating a casino owner, but she's supposed to be looking for an honest guy this time around. I'd like to blame Roberts for creating such a totally unconvincing character, but I'm afraid the prize has to be split with the screenwriters. She plays like someone added in late, when they realized a) that they could get Julia Roberts and b) Clooney and Pitt had apparently gotten an alternate version of the script ("And then they had sex"), and people might suspect them of giving blow jobs unless they had a beard present. Yes, Hollywood people still think that works. (See also: Tom Cruise, John Travolta, et al.) I don't know why. It's something they put in the water in the movie studios, maybe.
TERRY BENEDICT owns casinos, runs casinos, loves casinos, and walks like a man with serious hemorrhoid problems. He's mean. And mean. And then some mean. Also, he blew up a gay man's casino, he stole Danny's wife (in an extremely nebulous way), and he bankrupted some guy's brother-in-law's tractor dealership. Which allows us all to feel good about Rusty and Danny (and assorted other hangers-on) stealing $160 million from him. So that's all right, then.
LINUS CALDWELL appears in some slash, possibly because he's played by Matt Damon. Or maybe just because he's ineffably dorky, and he fucks up a lot, and he's therefore strangely lovable. He's the eleventh member of the team and the other victim of Danny and Rusty's con (but, hey, don't worry; he enjoys it, unconvincing protests and all). He's a pickpocket and the son of a pickpocket, which probably teaches us something tragic about crime and families and cycles of abuse, except that the criminals in this show are as tragic and suffering and abused as my dogs, so that's one lesson we won't be learning here.
-The Plot-
Danny has just gotten out of prison. He finds Rusty and they rob some Tiger Beat cover boys, which is how they flirt. Then he proposes robbing three Las Vegas casinos, which is how they do foreplay. And then they put together a team of – surprise! – eleven guys. Rusty does the acting and the eating; Danny does the sleekness, the planning, and the picking of pockets.
Then they rob three Las Vegas casinos, which in this movie you can do if you have enough costumes and bad wigs and cars and cameras and construction equipment and cheap 1950s science fiction movie special effects. And a very elaborate plan involving many, many players, most of whom have to do exactly what you want without ever knowing the plan or wanting to help you. But this beats the original Ocean's Eleven, which showed us that you could rob any amount of Las Vegas casinos if you had enough liquor. And, really, I think someone would've noticed that by now.
Incidentally, the only way the movie makes any sense at all is to assume that Danny and Rusty are conning their own teammates, especially one Linus Caldwell. So tell me this: why is there no threesome Danny/Rusty/Linus fic? Huh? Huh?
Oh, and there's some stuff with Tess. If you want to know about the unconvincing heterosexual subplot, you're just going to have to see the movie; I can't be bothered. Hell, Steven Soderbergh could hardly be bothered, and he directed the damn thing.
Helpful Information for the O11 Newbie
-Where to Start If You Don't Know the Canon-
My advice would be to rent the movie. I mean, c'mon, it'll be two hours out of your life, and a slashy two hours at that. But if you won't or can't, you can read the IMDb plot summaries. I mean, it's not like there's much in the way of plot in this movie. Just heapin' helpings of directorial prettiness and human prettiness and slash and giggles.
-Where to Start Reading O11 Fan Fiction: Stories I Recommend-
Because there's so little in the way of, you know, fiction in this fandom, I'm going to list off every story I know and like in the whole damn fandom, except the one about Rusty's eating habits, which I cannot for the life of me find. Know of another good one? Leave a comment. Want my list of dubious, questionable, and, um, unrecommended fics? Leave a comment.
The Story That Got Me Started, and, Honestly, You Could Not Choose a Better Beginning: Confidence Men, by Dorinda. Danny Ocean/Rusty Ryan. Also hints of Danny Ocean/Tess Ocean. This is the story that should have launched a thousand fics; it is one of the best pieces of FF I've ever read in any fandom. And it's also the first piece of FF I read in this fandom. Those are the reasons why it's coming first; the others will appear in alphabetical order. You can read and enjoy this story even if you've never seen the movie, but you'll appreciate it a hundred times more if you have; it's so good and in character and in canon it feels like scenes they forgot to film. And this is an NC-17 fic, so I think I'm speaking for all of us when I say: damn, I wish they'd remembered.
The Story That Is Essentially Gen, Gay Stuff and All: Among Thieves: On a Scam, by Zahra, aka
The Story That Made Me Believe in and Then Love an Impossible Pairing: Drive, by Jess, aka
The Story About the Cons Inside the Con: Leave Emotion at the Door, by Zahra, aka
The Story That Triggered This Post: A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Action, by
The Story with the Best Opening Lines in the Fandom: The Road to Reno, by
The Story That Made Rusty and Tess Equal in Every Way, and Really I Would Have Thought That Couldn't Be Done: See What You're Worth, by SA, aka
The Story That Reminds Us That There's a Perfect Resolution to Romantic Triangles, and, Curiously Enough, It Also Involves the Number Three: Six to Eight Months, by Cherry, aka
The Story That Just Fed an Unhealthy Pairing Addiction: Trading in Your Own Name, by Gale, aka
New! The Story That Proves That If You Don't Open the Door, Eventually Opportunity Goes off to Have Sex with Matt Damon: Could Be, by Serafina, aka
New! The Story That Explains Rusty's Tattoo, and Also Proves That Rusty Not Only Went to School but Actually Paid Attention: Hand-Magic, by
-Footnotes-
* Newman's wife once said that if he ever left her, it'd be for Redford. I don't know what to call that – Subtext? Text? A cry for real-person slash? – but I love it.
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