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04 November 2004 @ 11:34 pm
Slashy Nominations 94: A Sweet Man in a Dress Kindles a Certain Wantonness  
(My apologies to Herrick for the title.)

I'm not a big fan of cross-dressing, frankly. There was a time in my life when Halloween just wasn't over until I'd seen a dozen men in various unfortunate female costumes. (Really, there's nothing quite as grand as an extremely hairy man dressed like Madonna in her conical bra phase, or an extremely dorky man dressed like Princess Leia, or - and this one still sends shudders down my spine - a six-foot-tall, three-hundred-pound man dressed like a female toddler, and visibly enjoying it far more than one would expect. No wonder I used intoxicants so much back then.)

But, as with every other thing under the sun, there are fan fiction authors that can make me read cross-dressing stories and like it. What follows is a list of such authors, and I suppose you could see it as either a hall of fame or a hall of shame. I'm inclined to the former point of view, actually, because these stories are damn good.

Best FF That Proves That the Phrase "Double Dog Dare" Never Really Loses Its Potency with Certain Kinds of Men. And, When You Think About It, Doesn't That Explain a Lot About the State of the World Today? A Dare's a Dare, by Speranza, aka cesperanza. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. Cross-dressing is inevitable in this fandom, since it's canonical. Yes, for reasons probably best kept dark, the screenwriters decided that they really, really wanted to see Paul Gross in drag. On national television. And they got their way. In the process, incidentally, they discovered a concept that has the status of Archetypal Plot Device in comics fandom and canon: cross-dressing for justice. (Wouldn't the world be a better place if all canon authors took their cues from the D.C. Universe? Well, no, it'd be a totally insane place. But it'd sure have a lot of hypothetically straight men cross-dressing and hanging out in gay bars and necking and wearing purple Spandex bodysuits in public.) Fraser did his stint of noble transvestitism in the Real Ray Vecchio days, but when a man has worn a dress once in the interests of justice, well, what's to stop him from wearing it again on behalf of a friend? And don't say sanity, because Fraser's never had much of that. Plus, it'd be a total shame to let the dress just go to waste. Thank god Speranza didn't let that happen.

Best FF That Proves That Density-Control Is Not, as I Once Believed, a Lame Superpower. At Least, Not If You're Female and Minim Calibre Is Right About One of the Most Practical, Underwear-Related Uses of Said Power. Untitled, by minim_calibre. D.C. Universe, Grace Choi/Anissa Pierce. I refuse to apologize for having two DCU (motto: "Suppliers of the good crack since 1935") stories in this set. Didn't I just explain that the DCU (other motto: "Proud to be perverting another generation of socially inept adolescent males") is the Ol' Kentucky Home of cross-dressing? Plus, people really seem to want to put the Outsiders in drag, and I'm not the kind of person who can resist a trend. Well, actually, I can and do - anyone who has seen my wardrobe can attest to this - except when it involves well-written smut. (I am Porngirl! My secret powers include locating and analyzing sexually explicit materials; my not-so-secret weakness is my total susceptibility to good smut. I tell you, many's the time the universe has been destroyed because I was distracted at a critical moment by Spike blowing Xander in the library at Sunnydale High.) The truth is, this isn't exactly cross-dressing; it's more, um, cross-gender-role-dressing, or something. But I didn't think the boys should have all the fun, so I'm putting it in here. And no one can stop me from doing so, for I am Porngirl. Fear me.

Best FF That Teaches a Very Important Lesson to Young Adolescents. Namely, That You Should Probably Not Trust Your Friends. At Least, Not When They're Trying to Get You Into Partial Drag. A Wolf in Girl's Underwear, by musesfool. Harry Potter, Marauders-era, Remus Lupin/Sirius Black. Well, actually, it's sort of Remus Lupin/other Marauders, but mostly Sirius. Poor Remus. His friends are such a bad influence. (Well, they were; they're all dead now. Um. Moving back to more light-hearted topics.) In this story, it's double-plus poor Remus, because he has one of the more embarrassing first kisses in the universe. Even mine, which put me in mind of a mating squid, occurred in a place so public that I couldn't recoil and gag as I was naturally inclined to do, and therefore put me off kissing for years, wasn't this bad.* I wasn't wearing inappropriate underwear at the time, for one thing. (Bonus Seventeen-style tip for the as-yet-unkissed out there: never underestimate the importance of situationally appropriate undergarments in these situations. Pretty bras make all the difference! And they go on the girl(s) in the kissing duo, assuming a girl is present.) But there's an advantage Remus has in this story: his first kiss comes from someone who can actually kiss. Turns out that makes all the difference.

Best FF That Teaches a Very Important Lesson to Working Adults. Namely, That You Should Not Place Fetish Gear Purchases on Your Business Expense Report. Unless, of Course, You Can Get Away with It, or Get Hot Sex out of It. Spanky Pants, by derryderrydown. D.C. Universe, Roy Harper/Dick Grayson. You know, the title really says all that needs to be said about this story; I don't feel I can contribute a lot. But neither can I shut up - like I've ever able to keep quiet about great writing - so I'll just blather on for a bit, and we can all pretend that what I said was interesting. Deal? So. Cheerleader outfit. Arsenal. Nightwing. It sounds like it should be totally horrifying, and I admit that the mental image this story gave me has certainly scarred me for life. But it's so worth it, because this is just hysterical. And there's bonuses, too. For one thing, this story is educational. In addition to the above-mentioned lesson in business, we learn about Batclan communication styles, the importance of exploring one's sexual fetishes in supportive company, and the real reason cheerleader championships are broadcast on TV. (Assuming they are. But they aren't, are they?)

-Footnote-

* Though it was, thinking back on it, fairly close. Did I mention that the guy in question had glue-like spit that mere toothbrushing could not defeat? Or that his apparent goal was to put his tongue into my esophagus? Or that I ended up with his makeup smeared all over my face? Or that pictures of this event appeared in a newsletter later sent to my parents? Or that I was 12 and the guy was 16, which facts were mentioned in the caption in the newsletter, thus provoking some fascinating discussions on the homefront? Yeah. Not the best experience ever, right there.
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: Wombat OTPthefourthvine on November 4th, 2004 11:56 pm (UTC)
Well, you're my LLMR, so you must also have secret superpowers. Stands to reason. And now that I've confessed to mine in a public place - well, semi-public - I think you should share yours. Are you, for example, Kinkgirl? Or Bondagequeen? Or do you simply have knowledge of the ancient, mystical power of Smut Fu? Tell!
that'll give you bees: HP - RL 4 SB - cap by teh_indyzoetrope on November 4th, 2004 11:46 pm (UTC)
Did I mention that the guy in question had glue-like spit that mere toothbrushing could not defeat? Or that his apparent goal was to put his tongue into my esophagus?

I really wish I hadn't read this as I was eating my breakfast! Either way, I hadn't seen that R/S story and enjoyed it muchly, so thanks :)
tried to eat the safe banana: Dancethefourthvine on November 5th, 2004 12:26 am (UTC)
Oops. Sorry. Maybe I should've posted a gag warning on this or something; god knows I'm sympathetic with the icked-out feeling the story gives a person. But I just forgot that some people might read this while eating breakfast.

I'm so glad you liked the RL/SB story. But does that mean you knew all the other three?

(Oh, and I realize this is neither the time nor the place, but I still want to tell you how much I'm loving "This Is Where We'll End It." Fantastic stuff. And your Angel/Wesley one was great, too.)
that'll give you bees: DS - RCMP Barbiezoetrope on November 8th, 2004 11:33 pm (UTC)
I knew the speranza story, but the other two aren't fandoms I read. In fact, I'm not even sure I know what they are. D.C. Hmm. Is it a comic thing? My knowledge is woefully inadequate :D

I still want to tell you how much I'm loving "This Is Where We'll End It."

Thank you!
tried to eat the safe banana: Black Canarythefourthvine on November 9th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
D.C. Hmm. Is it a comic thing? My knowledge is woefully inadequate :D

The D.C. Universe is the home of the characters from D.C. Comics' books. Those characters include Superman, Batman, Robin, Flash, and Catwoman. They also include lesser-known folk such as Nightwing (the first Robin, now all grown up and in a much better costume), the Teen Titans (a team of teen-aged superheroes), and Justice League (a team of grown-up superheroes). D.C. is a fairly complicated fandom, with lots of tendrils and so on.

Bright side: I'm not up on it, either, so if a story is recommended here, you probably don't need to know much about the canon to read it.
trapped in ambyr: Oak Leavesambyr on November 4th, 2004 11:55 pm (UTC)
and the real reason cheerleader championships are broadcast on TV. (Assuming they are. But they aren't, are they?)

I've seen them. I don't own a TV, but I was staying at a hotel and idly flipping through the channels while I was waiting for everyone else to finish washing up. . .and there they were, flipping and dancing and being interviewed about how much they just loved it. I watched with a kind of glazed horror until I was pulled away. (This was high school, by the way; I have no idea about college.)
erjika: depressed cuttlefisherjika on November 5th, 2004 01:07 am (UTC)
They have them for college as well.

I was scarred for life.
tried to eat the safe banana: Reproduction sucks.thefourthvine on November 5th, 2004 01:43 am (UTC)
I totally see that. I'm sorta scarred for life just hearing about all this.
tried to eat the safe banana: Please stand bythefourthvine on November 5th, 2004 01:42 am (UTC)
Wait. They broadcast high school cheerleading competitions on TV? I don't even think they put high school football games on TV! I mean, really, can that be about anything else but men wanting to see young women in really short skirts bouncing around? That's, um. That's - worrisome.

So, wow. I've definitely learned something new today. Something new and disturbingly American Beauty-esque.
christopher575christopher575 on November 5th, 2004 08:25 am (UTC)
You should add "Bring It On" to your Netflix queue.
Babies ate my dingo.derryderrydown on November 5th, 2004 10:23 am (UTC)
Coincidentally, Bring It On and Bring It On Again are where I got all my (tiny amount of) cheerleading knowledge.
I have tactile telecuntnesis.: this fandom is such CRACKzeelee_penguin on November 5th, 2004 03:31 am (UTC)
Man, I'm surprised you didn't put *more* DCU stories in this set. There's no way I, personally, would have been able to limit it to just two. :D

*thinks that you should totally have a rec set based solely on sex pollen stories*
tried to eat the safe banana: Bra/head: OTPthefourthvine on November 5th, 2004 06:38 pm (UTC)
It was tough, yeah, but that's why y'all love me - I make the tough calls. Um. I think that's why you love me, anyway. But I'm not opening up a poll on that or anything.

And I would totally do a sex pollen set, except that that's another one that would be overflowing with DCU. Why do people not write sex pollen in Angel? Or due South? Or The Sentinel? (Wait, I think I do have a sex pollen type story for TS. Huh.) Or Master and Commander? Or Sherlock Holmes?

Well, actually, I'm starting to see why. I mean, I'd give quite a bit to see someone manage a decently in-character Holmes-on-sex-pollen story, but I'm fairly sure we'd have to put the author in the writer protection program afterwards.

And damn. I was just thinking that I could almost actually do this set, because I'd just remembered reading a good sex pollen one in Smallville, but I appear not to have saved the link for that one. Curses.
Laura Kayelaurakaye on November 5th, 2004 10:49 pm (UTC)
I totally want to write sexpollen!Holmes now. *shakes fist* damn you!

tried to eat the safe banana: Brainsthefourthvine on November 6th, 2004 11:19 am (UTC)
*sits back and waits for the Holmesish sex pollen to come rolling in*

My work here is done.

(Yes, do it! Just think how proud ACD would be!)
Eileen Lufkineileenlufkin on November 14th, 2004 07:11 pm (UTC)
Pretty please with suger on it?
peeps wanna see peeps boink: rsmusesfool on November 5th, 2004 07:25 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks so much for the rec.
tried to eat the safe banana: Kiss methefourthvine on November 5th, 2004 06:40 pm (UTC)
Well, you know, you write 'em, I rec 'em. 'S a long-held tradition in these parts. Plus, I cringed when I saw the title - literally recoiled from my monitor, and I'm not sure I didn't make the sign of the cross at it, too - and then I loved the story. Sure sign that it had to be recommended ASAP.
peeps wanna see peeps boink: remusmusesfool on November 12th, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC)
Plus, I cringed when I saw the title - literally recoiled from my monitor, and I'm not sure I didn't make the sign of the cross at it, too - and then I loved the story. Sure sign that it had to be recommended ASAP.

Hee!

The title was a groaner on purpose.

Oh, which reminds me. I think I'm fairly good, grammatically and punctuationally, but should it be "Girl's Underwear" (the way I had it on the original post) or "Girls' Underwear" (the way I put it up on my site)? Because the more I thought about it, the more the latter seemed right to me, but I'm still not sure, and the original doesn't help because "sheep" is both singular and plural, so the possessive remains the same.