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22 November 2004 @ 05:30 pm
Fandoms I Have Loved 9: The Fast and the Furious  
You can love a fandom without knowing the canon. I've proved this many times, with The Sentinel first and due South probably the best. The Fast and the Furious proved to me that I could love a fandom while finding the canon laughable. At best.

Slash can do terrible things to a girl. For example, it made me rent The Fast and the Furious. I am not in any way interested in car porn, no matter how sleek and shiny and speedy said vehicles are. I am not in any way interested in Vin Diesel, and I cringe when I watch him try to act because I'm afraid a vein is going to blow in his forehead. And they'd still put it in the final edit. (I'll be completely honest and admit that I have another problem with him. The first movie I saw him in was xXx, where he looked like he was trying to send a subtle message with his wardrobe. Whether that message was "Even this outfit cannot make me crack a smile" or "I want the wardrobe supervisor and will wear anything to get near that hot, hot body" or "I am being held hostage on a New Zealand sheep farm by a renegade producer who is forcing me make bad movies! Send help!" was not something I could figure out before I fell asleep.) So I did not catch TFATF in the theater. But then, like, thousands of great writers started writing in this fandom, and I had to succumb.

I decided I should succumb in the traditional way, by viewing the canon before I read the FF. That might have been a mistake.

It was tough. I want you to know that I only made it all the way through the movie so that you wouldn't have to, because I know most people don't like laughing their asses off at the world's cheesiest, most terrible dialog in between bouts of shrieking, "Hey, Dom – I bet fucking him would turn that frown upside down!" and "Jesus, Brian – hard much?" Of course, if you like that sort of thing (and your neighbors are unlikely to complain), go for it. Just don't say I didn't warn you. And please note that, while you should never drink and drive, you should definitely drink before you watch Vin Diesel and Paul Walker drive. Drink a lot. Brain cells are a serious hindrance when it comes to enjoying this move.

But it was worth it, because this fandom is wonderful. The stories are generally NC-17 FF involving rough sex, cars, violence, and unabashed love in equal amounts, and best of all - they often have plot. As in, more plot than the movie ever had. And where they don't have plot, they have porn. Does it get better than that? No. No, it does not. So climb aboard, honey, because this fandom is sleek, shiny, fuel-injected, and fast. (Also filled with car references, car jokes, and bad car metaphors. But I'm guessing you know that already.)

Helpful Information for the TFATF Newbie

I don't think you'll miss much by reading the very biased, nearly scene-by-scene summary that follows instead of watching the movie. But if you're planning to rent TFATF, feel free to skip the summary and go straight to the stories. Because baby, we gots ourselves some spoilers here.

The Characters

DOM, short for Dominic, is played by Vin Diesel, using the Vin Diesel Patented No Expression School of Acting. He has no hair and an unlikely sister and a criminal record. DOM races cars and eye-fucks blond men who inexplicably attract his attention. DOM does other stuff, too - like, he runs some kind of store or something, and some kind of garage or something, and he spends time with his crew of lovable multi-cultural misfits. But mostly it's just the racing and the eye-fucking. Don't judge him too harshly, though; if you did any two things as much as he does those, you wouldn't have time for character development or plot arcs, either.

SUB, played by Paul Walker, is actually named Brian. It's just, it's hard to keep his real name in mind, and he spends all his time being eye-fucked by DOM, so - well, what would you call him? For a while, I was trying to go with "Blond over Blue," which I thought might lend him some much-needed dignity, but as the eye-fucking progressed, that proved to be impossible. (The renaming. Also the dignity.) SUB is - surprise! - a police officer who has gone undercover in the world of street racing to find hijackers. Inasmuch as SUB appears to be nearly old enough to buy alcohol legally (in certain countries), I have to assume he has hidden depths. Well hidden ones. Or maybe they just hired him for his hair. Paul Walker apparently went to the same acting shop as Tom Cruise: three expressions affixed while you wait! His chosen expressions are happy (a sort of smile thing), grumpy (a scrunchy face sometimes accompanied by swearing or hitting something), and dopey (a prolonged eye-fuck). After a while, you find yourself wishing the other dwarves would make a cameo appearance on his face, but they never do.

MIA is DOM's sister. She is the most mannish girl I have ever seen not teaching PE, so she is naturally SUB's displacement crush. She does the girl things in the crew, like cooking and cleaning and betraying her friends and relations.

LETTY is DOM's girlfriend. She is gorgeous and looks good in a greasy tank top, which is more than most of us could say. She does the boy things in the crew, like making good independent decisions and showing believable sexual attraction to (or even interest in) girls.

JESSE is the token geek. He has ADHD, which leads to a soulful moment with SUB. He is supposedly very smart, as shown by his facility with a floppy disk; try not to snort your beverage of choice (I recommend tequila, bourbon, or vodka) out your nose during that scene. JESSE wears black nail polish. And either he's gay or he's gay. But that does not set him apart in this movie. Not at all.

VINCE and LEON are interchangeable members of DOM's team. Don't worry if you can't tell them apart; during times when you need to, someone will be continually shouting the appropriate party's name. But just so you know: LEON is DOM's lieutenant. VINCE is, to go by his behavior, the lover DOM dumped when SUB walked onto the scene.

JOHNNY TRAN is the leader of a group of Vietnamese racing enthusiasts, or possibly a gang or crime syndicate. Hell, they could be a team of crack fire marshals and hairdressers for all I could tell. He lives with his extended family in a lovely house apparently decorated by a renegade Jesuit, and, as anyone raised in that environment would, he enjoys coating men with oil and inserting hoses into their mouths. No, really. I'm not kidding.

The Plot, or As Much of It As I Can Recount Without Risking Brain Damage

There is a truck hijack involving zippy cars.

DOM and SUB meet because of a tuna sandwich and a deinstitutionalized psychotic. DOM smacks SUB around some and gets him fired from his job, only not. This makes SUB love DOM. As we soon see, the feeling is mutual.

That night, SUB bets his car in a race against DOM. He loses, but is happy, because DOM is so damn cute when he's triumphant. No, actually, he's happy because he "almost had" DOM. DOM advises him that it's going to take more than that, sweetcheeks, but it will be worth the wait.

The police break up the race and SUB saves DOM from arrest. Yes, it's love all right.

SUB meets with various superiors from the LAPD and the FBI. Despite SUB's difficulty with police procedure (and higher brain functions), his bosses somehow manage not to strike him over the head and throw him into the pool Eddie Fischer built for Liz Taylor. (Don't ask.)

The next day, SUB shows up with a wrecked car that contains the Lost Ultimate Engine of Atlantis, or something like that. JESSE says it will take $15,000 to get said car into racing trim - impressive, because the thing is a total, total wreck, aside from the Lost Ultimate Engine of Atlantis – because they will have to overnight parts from Japan. No, really. DOM says, "put it on my account." Apparently, he's going to spend $15,000 on SUB so that he can "start winning money off [his] ass." This only makes sense if you assume that's code for "now you'll have to let me fuck you, you cock-tease." I defy you to find another meaning that makes any kind of sense in Earth logic.

There is a multi-cultural chicken festival.

SUB shows us that yes, there is a down side to doing undercover work before you are old enough to vote, namely that you might be really really bad at it. He breaks into a garage to check out a lead, because of course the one thing DAs love is inadmissible evidence and a non-existent paper trail. He's caught, which will not surprise you unless you've been hitting the tequila way too hard. DOM has him pistol-whipped and dragged into what is either an outdoor dungeon or a chicken pen sans chickens. DOM then does the "you don't fucking cheat on me, bitch" routine, which involves some special lighting for Vin and a lot of heavy breathing from SUB. DOM invites SUB to go for a ride with him.

DOM and crew break into a garage, and DOM proves to be way better at breaking and entering than SUB, but then I suspect 89% of the American population is too, so that's nothing to brag about. JOHNNY TRAN arrives suddenly with the Asian Leatherboys from the 2001 LA Gay Pride Parade; DOM and SUB, forced to cuddle behind a car to avoid discovery, watch while JOHNNY TRAN oils a man up, shoves things into his mouth, and orders him to kiss his feet. Look out, boys - it's Vern Schillinger in Vietnamese drag!

SUB meets with his superiors again. They're afraid of vigilante truckers, but apparently not enough to put a real cop on the case. There's a conversation about a cigarette that you wouldn't believe if I bothered to recount it, so I won't, except to say that it's evidence of an increasing oral fixation on SUB's part. SUB hits some random FBI guy, which is of course normal police procedure when a co-worker accuses you of wanting to fuck a member of the opposite sex; you can't let them disrespect you like that. He vigorously defends DOM, openly worries about him, and admits to having memorized his file; SUB's boss realizes he's in love, but once again, no one pulls him from the case or drowns him in the pool. Evidently LAPD working conditions are way better than I thought.

DOM shows SUB his special secret super-dooper car and asks SUB to marry him. Actually, no; in a moving scene reminiscent of The Prince of Tides and Days of Thunder, he admits that he's afraid to drive it. SUB looks suitably touched, so DOM continues the heart-to-heart with a discussion of a psychotic episode he once had. SUB looks soulful, which is his dopey look with moving background music. At this point, viewers on Mars know these two are in love.

SUB goes on an unrealistic date with Mia. She says her brother is "like gravity. Everything just gets pulled to him. Even you." SUB agrees, then remembers he's supposed to be straight; in a bout of over-compensation, he attempts to have sex with her. We will draw a veil over this painful scene.

There's another hijack.

There's a nifty bit involving orchestrated SWAT preparations (and I do mean orchestrated - apparently the LAPD has a choreographer on the payroll) intercut with DOM and LETTY having sex; clearly they're mixed like that because SWAT operations are entirely analogous to sex, and you're invited to insert your own "deep penetration" joke here. Unfortunately, the arrests are for naught, and SUB is given 36 hours to solve the case or...else. The FBI guys, it turns out, are not very good with threats. Yeah, we're definitely playing with the B team here.

DOM and SUB go for a ride. DOM lets SUB drive his car, which I understand is a marriage ceremony among his people. DOM buys SUB food and tries to get him to talk about his feelings. SUB confesses that he's frustrated, but still interested in DOM's little secrets. DOM offers him a ticket to major sublimation, aka Race Wars, and says, "We're done with talk." The movie skips the next several scenes, presumably because Paul Walker and Vin Diesel didn't want to be filmed ripping off each other's clothes and fucking on a beach somewhere.

So, tragically, we cut directly to Race Wars, which is an exercise in misogyny and testosterone and wasting money. LETTY bets money and wins. JESSE bets his dad's car against JOHNNY TRAN's money and loses, despite some preliminary manly hugs and visualization exercises. JESSE takes off instead of handing over car; TRAN insults DOM and DOM completely loses his shit.

DOM and crew, minus JESSE, go off to pull another hijack. SUB feels left out; he confesses his cophood to MIA, who, because she is a girl, helps him find her brother. They arrive at the botched hijacking just in time to save VINCE, who is badly injured. SUB outs himself in front of DOM, because apparently you can only call for a Lifeguard helicopter if you're a cop.

DOM leaves, feeling betrayed. SUB chases, because love doesn't let love drive away angry.

JESSE is killed in a motorcycle-by shooting; SUB takes off after motorcyclists, and DOM takes off after SUB. (See? He does care!) DOM apparently kills one of the cyclists. SUB definitely kills the other one, in front of witnesses, which is kind of bad; even in the LAPD they ask you to limit that sort of behavior to the privacy of your own home or squad room.

SUB chases DOM. They meet at an intersection and have a conversation which, translated, goes like this. DOM: "I love you, you motherfucking hotass cop." SUB: "I love you, too, and I know we can make this work." DOM: "If you want my ass, you'll have to catch it. If you catch it, it's yours."

They race a train and win, but DOM crashes the car he was afraid to drive on a random truck. His comment: "That's not what I meant to happen." Well, yeah. You wanted him to catch you, didn't you?

There are sirens in the distance. The cops are coming for DOM, who has said he'll Never Go Back to Jail. SUB cannot bear the thought of losing DOM. They exchange a long, intense eye-fuck (translation: "I'd take you here and now on the roof of my car if I wasn't all bloody and your arm wasn't broken") and SUB hands DOM the keys to his car.

DOM departs. SUB stands in the street, apparently waiting for the police to come; we, as viewers, are invited to ignore the fact that he will almost certainly go to jail for all this. (We know he doesn't, though, because he stars in the next movie.)

~The End, Until I Get My Hands on 2 Fast 2 Furious~

Additional Resources, in Case My Highly Biased Summary Wasn't Enough for You (and in That Case, Aren't You the Smart One)

khaleesian's Dom/Brian Ship Manifesto offers a less biased and more thorough look at these two characters. This is well worth reading whether you know the canon or not.

dirty_diana's Crack Van Fandom Summary has pictures, and a discussion of the second movie, not to mention a much more balanced view of the first one. And it's funny. Again, totally worth reading.

Need more than that? Rent the movie, buy yourself a bottle of something potent, and start watching.

Where to Start with TFATF Fan Fiction

Here's the thing. This fandom's canon may not be much in terms of depth or plot or dialog or, you know, anything, but the fan works are incredible.

Note, though, that fiction in this fandom can be, well, gritty. Rough. I mean, there's a great story in which a taser is plausibly used in a sexual situation. I happen to enjoy that about this fandom - the grittiness, the swearing, the first-I'll-hit-you-then-I'll-fuck-you attitudes - but if it isn't your thing, well, this may not be the fandom for you. Also note that there's another pairing in the second movie; I'm not recommending any FF for it because I haven't seen the actual movie yet.

The Shiny Cars and Gay, Gay Boys on Film. Vids, in other words. Check back, because I hope to be able to add a third vid to this list soon.
  • Stripped, by gwyn_r. (You'll need to email Gwyn to get the password so that you can download her vid.) Trust me when I tell you nothing, but nothing Gwyn shows here is edited to make it more slashy. (In fact, the actual movie appears, in places, to have been edited to make it less slashy. But, trust me, they did not succeed.) There are cars. There is homoerotic lust. It's basically a four-minute version of the movie, in other words.

  • Never Let Me Down, by khaleesian. (The vid is at the bottom of the page; right click and save to view.) If you're wondering about the Depeche Mode theme running through this fandom, well, I do, too. But the songs both work, so I'm not complaining. (There's a Depeche Mode theme in the movie itself, too - at one point, the music of "Strange Love" is used as background. Yes, it is so.) Again: cars and lust. The movie distilled to its essence and stripped of all the, um, dialog issues.

  • The Chemicals Between Us, by lierdumoa. Look: it isn't set to Depeche Mode! Plus, check out the excellent use of the real movie credits for the vid credits. As for the rest of it, I can only say - well, I loved it. And you know how after you've watched a couple of vids from a movie, especially slash vids, you feel like you're always seeing the same shots? Well, there's much less of that here, because people do not need to reach to find the slash in this movie. It's there. It's there in every scene, so the vid makers can pick and choose. Which makes all the vids well worth watching.
The Sprawling, Multi-Author Fan Fiction Epic: the Unfinished Business Universe. I'm only going to link to a few of the many, many stories set in this universe, but know that there are AUs, off-shoots, missing scenes, and other complete stories available here.
  • Unfinished Business, by maygra. This is the background story for a lot of FF in this fandom, mostly because it fixes many of the problems caused by the end of the movie. It's long and wonderfully plotty. It's also chock full o' hurt/comfort, violence, and crime. And surprisingly little sex, which makes it atypical in this fandom.

  • The Debt You Owe, by thisisbone and maygra. A short bridge story between "Unfinished Business" and "The Price You Pay," this story shows us Dom and Brian in an established relationship. And, actually, a lot of stories in this fandom show just that, skipping the first time for the long-term relationship and the kinky sex, which is unusual and delightful and reason enough to love the fandom right there. Warning: the sex in this story is quite rough. Wholly consensual, though.

  • The Price You Pay Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, and Epilogue, by thisisbone and maygra. This is another story that has more plot - and better plot - than the movie itself. Brian goes undercover again, which leads to trouble, violence, and sex. Please be warned that there is a near-rape in a short but brutal scene near the end.
The Extra Movie Scene Porny Porn Porn That Happens in a Garage: Getting Somewhere Fast, by shrift. This is built off a scene from the canon - in other words, it's sex that happens during the movie rather than after it. It's very in-character, especially for the way the guys were during the movie. (A lot of FF written afterwards takes into account the inevitable character changes from the events of the movie.) And did I mention the porn? Plus, as I said, it's set in a garage, which is where at least 35% of all sex scenes should take place in this fandom.

The Extra Movie Scene Porny Porn Porn That Happens in a Car: Generally Psychotic Behavior, by khaleesian. Khaleesian has a lot of great FF for this fandom, and she really gets these guys. All her stuff is worth reading; I picked this story solely because, as I said, it happens in a car, which is where another 35% of all sex scenes should take place in this fandom. Please note that this story involves kink of the oxygen-deprivation kind; if you're normally good with rough sex and kink, but oxy dep just isn't your thing, head over to Khaleesian's site and pick something else to read.
aliquid stat pro aliquomaygra on November 23rd, 2004 04:34 am (UTC)
my little brain is still..
happily murmuring to itself in some other language.

And *still* laughing, esp. Your description of LEtty whcih is amazingly on-target.

Do love this...also loved your Ocean's 11 recs, which I need to refind and bookmark.

Question though, becasue I'm a fan of the gritty and rough...Rough. I mean, there's a great story in which a taser is plausibly used in a sexual situation.

I feel like I've read this but can't remember where or what? Which story is this?

tried to eat the safe banana: Navel gazingthefourthvine on November 23rd, 2004 08:34 am (UTC)
Re: my little brain is still..
'Twas khaleesian's story No Limits.
Re: my little brain is still.. - maygra on November 23rd, 2004 07:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Everybody wants a thrill: tonyandgibbskelly_girl on November 24th, 2004 02:58 am (UTC)
Oh this was a great summary of one great cheesy gay tastic movie. Laughed several places while trying not to since it's kind of late here. Did you happen to see the extras? The scene where Dom, Brian, Jesse and Leon are all sitting around shirtless while talking about their first times...driving. Gay so gay gay gay.

I won't spoil you for part 2 except to let you know you might want to save some of that liquor you have because part 2, for many, tops part 1 with some mighty fine hoyay. I mean it's excedrin strength hoyay. Can't wait til you review it.
tried to eat the safe banana: Stylethefourthvine on November 24th, 2004 04:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. And unfortunately I did not get to see the extras, 'cause I got it through Netflix. Damn. That sounds like a contender for "slashiest scene ever that doesn't involve an actual blow job at some point."

And, yeah. I'll be sure to lay in a store of highly potent beverages for 2 Fast 2 Furious, which is currently lurking in my Netflix queue and flirting with all the Angel discs.
Pouncer: Objectify Menthepouncer on November 24th, 2004 12:02 pm (UTC)
Oh god, that's a *perfect* plot summary. And I even like the movie (but then I have a taste for both cars and stupid action movies). The first time I saw it, my eyes got wider and wider, because it kept getting *more gay* and I didn't think that was possible. I love that Leon/Vince call Brian a prostitute in one of the intro scenes - his gaydar is obviously finely tuned. Just like their engines.
tried to eat the safe banana: Greek to methefourthvine on November 26th, 2004 10:14 pm (UTC)
Totally. Vince is the Voice of Reason in this movie (which, you know, sort of alarming, but I'll go with it) - what he says ("He's a cop!" "He's a faggot!" "He wants your ass!") is always true.

And, truly, watching this I actually had to skip backwards from time to time because my brain had completely overloaded on gay, to the point where I doubted my own eyes. So I'd skip back, and, yeah, I was wrong - there was more gay than I'd noticed the first time through.

(And, though you might not think it, I have a total, passionate love for stupid action movies, too. Admittedly, mostly it's the snark potential that I love, but still - I'll be buying this. Yes, it's true. And partly for the heapin' helpin' of gay with gay sauce and a side of gay, but also partly because, well - stupid action movie. Snark. Plus, I'm going to spend a night getting drunk and watching slashy favorites with norah at some point, and this has got to be on our watch list.)
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(no subject) - thefourthvine on November 27th, 2004 09:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Ozsaurozsaur on November 24th, 2004 01:59 pm (UTC)
I laughed all the way through your review but this made me fall off my chair:

DOM leaves, feeling betrayed. SUB chases, because love doesn't let love drive away angry.

Bumper sticker, sigline or icon. This line just begs to be used somewhere.
tried to eat the safe banana: Smilethefourthvine on November 26th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!

I have no graphics capabilities of any kind, else I'd make an icon of that. 'Cause you're entirely right. But I offer it to anyone who does have a desire to put it to use in that manner.
PICK MY TEETH WITH A DINOSAUR BONE-AGE: reminds you that you...manasseh on November 26th, 2004 12:18 am (UTC)
Thanks for reminding me of a movie that was good for it's ho!yay and little else. I saw TFATF a while ago, and had completely forgotten about it.

Probably for the best.

Regardless, it's nice to read some really good fanfic for it. I especially enjoyed Generally Psychotic Behaviour, so I suppose I should thank you for bringing Khaleesian to my attention. I know I'll be reading her stuff in the future.

So... yeah. Thanks.
tried to eat the safe banana: The world is my fandomthefourthvine on November 26th, 2004 10:17 pm (UTC)
Ah, but it had such hoyay that there really wasn't room for a lot else. I mean - yow.

But the FF more than makes up for the, uh, defecits of the movie, I think - there's some stunningly wonderful stuff in this fandom. And Khaleesian is just amazing.
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: UF whitethefourthvine on November 26th, 2004 10:23 pm (UTC)
You missed it 'cause I accidentally backdated it, so it didn't show on anyone's flist. Whoops.

And you're entirely right; I'd forgotten Jesse's insightful comment. But in my defense: no single post, no matter what the length, could contain all the gay this movie has to offer. It's the 12-course banquet of gay. With a gay chaser.

Ha ha and totally separate from each other we have recced ALL the same fic

Sometimes our OTP mind-meld scares me. And then I think - hey, we're using it for good. For the good of slash, specifically. And I feel better.

And Netflix sent me 2 Fast 2 Furious today, so I'll watch it sometime this weekend and then share my opinion with you just as soon as all my brain cells reboot.

And OMG we HAVE to do a slashy movie marathon sometime, with good booze and much shrieking of "FUCK HIM ALREADY!!!" at the screen.

YES! Yes, we totally need to do a slashy movie marathon. Drunken shrieking! Drunken giggles! Multiple toasts to the Kings of Slash! LJ updates that we will almost certainly delete when sobriety returns! It will be joy the like of which we have not previously known.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on November 27th, 2004 09:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
mlyn on November 26th, 2004 05:56 pm (UTC)
Sorry, I can't get on board with everyone else who loved this summary. Although I'll agree with you about many things--the ridiculous plot, the bad dialog, the astoundingly gay gayness of the gay...I can't get over the fact that you're bashing actors who don't deserve to be bashed.

IMO, you mixed too much of your personal opinion in this to be a credible meta-piece. I started reading it to see what you had to say about the fandom, but I got disgusted by what you had to say about Vin Diesel. I'm sure that losing a reader due to something that doesn't have much to do with the movie--your opinion--wasn't what you had in mind.

This especially chewed my fur:

Don't judge him too harshly, though; if you did any two things as much as he does those, you wouldn't have time for character development or plot arcs, either.

I think you're letting your bias cloud your judgment, because there is blatant character development. Dom is in no way static or flat. Get out a textbook on the elements of fiction and look up the section on characterization. I mean, really: if you're going to do a meta treatment, why not be fair? Otherwise you're not doing the film or the fans justice.
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(no subject) - mlyn on November 26th, 2004 08:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - mlyn on November 27th, 2004 12:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - mlyn on November 27th, 2004 12:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - mlyn on November 27th, 2004 12:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
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tried to eat the safe banana: The world is my fandomthefourthvine on November 26th, 2004 10:24 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading, and, seriously, think about trying the FF, because some of it is amazingly good.
I Wanna Dress You Up In My Snark: jon/stephen pizzaadjectivegirl on November 27th, 2004 03:12 am (UTC)
I remember when I saw this movie (in the theaters, with much anticipation little Pitch Black bitch that I am) and going, out loud through a mouthful of popcorn "His name is DOM? Well, cancel the heterosexuality."

This is, ironically before I got anywhere near LOTRiPs in which the name Dom, first off is real and then liberally used like dom dom dom dom dom to which I became a bit inured to it as a slashotype (similar to a stereotype, but with more ripped shirts and rug burn) but still the effect remains the same every time that name comes out of Paul Walker's pretty little mouth.

All that said, poor Mia. She needs some Letty lovin'.
tried to eat the safe banana: Navel gazingthefourthvine on November 27th, 2004 09:47 am (UTC)
Slashotype. I love it. There needs to be a complete list of these somewhere, perhaps in conjunction with shareable icons. I can think of dozens off the top of my head.

But, yeah, as soon as I heard the name "Dom" I was, well, very very glad that I was seeing it in my living room, where I could giggle and make comments and, on occasion, skip backwards to behold the gay a second time. Because it isn't just that he's named Dom, it's that, as you said, it's Paul Walker saying the name over and over and over, always in this slightly breathy voice, often while breathing very heavily - I mean, there's whole segments of this film that could be turned into a porn movie without changing the soundtrack at all.
(Anonymous) on November 29th, 2004 02:22 pm (UTC)
thanks for the funny
hi there

i absolutely agree that the writing in this fandom far outweighs the quality of the source material. i thought your summary was hilarious. thanks for that - s
tried to eat the safe banana: Kiss methefourthvine on November 30th, 2004 10:25 am (UTC)
Re: thanks for the funny
Glad to hear that you agree with me, and thanks for reading this - and for finding it funny.

And, yeah. It never ceases to amaze me, the quality of FF in this fandom.
Bonethisisbone on November 30th, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
This made me laugh out loud, and I hope you lure many, many new people to the fandom!

I went to see this flick twice in the theater. I loved the jelly bean cars, Paul Walker's eyes, and Vin Diesel's voice, and really, required nothing beyond that.

The songvids you recommended distill the appeal of the movie for me -- just those two guys, who were so obviously doin' each other whenever the camera strayed off them.
tried to eat the safe banana: UF whitethefourthvine on December 3rd, 2004 12:29 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you. I'm really, really glad you enjoyed it.

And I actually wish I had seen this in the theaters, because those eyefucks must've been a sight to see on the big screen. And if they'd advertised it that way - gay gay eyefucks - I would have, but no. They had to focus on the cars, which do not so much do it for me.

Cars aside, I agree with your assessment - there may not be much, but there's enough for me. I mean, I plan to buy this one, and yes, that's partly so norah and I can get drunk and shriek at it, but also - hey. Sometimes I need empty brain calories, and I prefer mine in the flavor of gay.

And, yes, I love the songvids; I don't think I've ever seen such a good trio for a single movie. (Although if someone would just make a damn Ocean's 11 vid, that might change.) Most movies are not nearly so susceptible to vidding, I guess, but these - wow. Wow.
(no subject) - thisisbone on December 3rd, 2004 11:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on December 3rd, 2004 03:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thisisbone on December 3rd, 2004 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thisisbone on December 3rd, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on December 3rd, 2004 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thisisbone on December 3rd, 2004 08:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
blackmeow: bottomblackmeow on December 19th, 2004 07:29 pm (UTC)
I think I found more quality in the film (okay, unintentional quality) than you did but I'm biased. As Khal says, the movie's a love letter to Los Angeles, and I love the city. Plus I can't help but think there must be some acting skill involved in being able to pull off scene after scene of eye fucking.

This was hysterical. You nailed the best scenes: Dom spending enormous sums on a wreck to make it race worthy and somehow thinking that's an intelligent business decision; Brian saying Dom's name over and over again; the constant eye fucking; they way Vince the village idiot is the only one who knows what the fuck is going on.

This movie makes no sense unless you factor in the gay, and even then there are holes as gaping as....never mind. Going to go watch the sexy con make the the motherfucking hot ass cop chase him now. You just know they're hooking up at a hotel in Mexico after the credits roll.
post-apocalypse shenanigans: Eye Fuckingbrynwulf on December 25th, 2004 08:14 pm (UTC)
Hey girl! I'll bet you're surprised to STILL be getting comments from this post eh? As one of my all time favorite summarizers of FF and snark-goddess, I had to let you know that I'm a recent convert myself (thanks to Maygra's UB universe) and am now on my third watching of the movie this weekend. Well, I am alone on Christmas with no company but my dogs. What do you expect?

The eye-fucking cannot be denied and poor Bri looks like he's going to burst a seam if he doesn't get to jump Dom in every scene.

BTW, your reference to missing scenes between lunch at the seafood place and Race Wars makes me want to run right out and write that clothes-ripping-off-sex-on-the-beach missing scene. *snerk*

p.s. - Hey, did you get your pressie?
I'd call you a genius but I'm in the roomelfinessy on January 2nd, 2005 07:17 am (UTC)
That was great :-)

I actually loved the movie when I saw it - still do. There's something so... easy about it. No stress, no brain cells required. When I first saw it I just let the music and the cars wash over me... right until that last scene when I fell in love with the whole film just because it ended like that!

Had to watch it again with new eyes :-)
Jenn: FAF Mends by angelv001labgirl2076 on January 8th, 2005 10:52 am (UTC)
I'm always late on the scene. While I don't agree with everything you've said, your recs are spot on and your take is hilarious. I laughed my ass off reading this. Thanks!