You know, it is wonderful to have internet access again. You can't imagine how much I missed y'all. Hello, fan fiction! Hello, LiveJournal! Hello, diverse and distributed community of like-minded perverts! And, yes, you'd better actually be a pervert if you read anything in this set, because I have here some fine, full-bodied kinkfic. (If you weren't here for the first kink set, you should know that I call it kink if the author does, because one person's perversion is another person's mandatory, basic part of any act more intimate than holding hands.)
Best FF in Which a Character Takes a Pop Quiz and Does Really, Really Well. But We'd Expect Nothing Else of Brian O'Conner, King of Fast Thinking on the Fly (and Yes, the Pun Was Entirely Intentional). Generally Psychotic Behavior, by khaleesian. The Fast and the Furious, Brian O'Conner/Dom Toretto. Any fandom with a character named 'Dom' gets extra kink-points right off the bat, but trust me, TFATF didn't even need those to break the curve on the perv-o-meter. Really. Those of us who love this fandom (And we are a small but select and tasteful bunch. Given certain definitions of 'tasteful.') love it in part for its kink-friendliness - nay, kink-required-ness. For some reason, these guys really want to be in stories about, oh, oxygen deprivation. Just as an example, and a highly cogent one, given that that is in fact what this story is all about. It's a cheery little PWP, and while it will help to have seen the movie - or, at any rate, one scene in the movie, one that involves motor oil, lube hose, eavesdropping, and men clad in leather (perhaps you're beginning to see why this movie cries out for kinky slash?) - but, really, the only absolute prerequisite for this one is a certain mental flexibility. Read. Enjoy. And if you really enjoy it, well, there's a movie I think you might wanna watch.
Best FF Featuring an Author Warning That Makes You Want to Pass a Law Against Puns. Or Maybe Embrace the Author Heartily. Me, I Go Both Ways on That, but Then, Don't I Always? On the QT, by The Spike, aka spike21. L.A. Confidential, Bud White/Ed Exley, sort of. Fan fiction: pushing boundaries. Including, inevitably, some that probably shouldn't be pushed. But you know what? I totally don't think this story falls under that heading. See, kink works best in FF when it's used to say something about the characters or the world they live in. (And, yes, for the record, I do know it doesn't work this way in real life; we don't all have poetically apt kinks. But this is one of those times when fiction doesn't mimic reality, folks, and we should all be happy about that, because if that was reality just imagine what kinks we'd have.) In this story, watersports* work perfectly as a metaphor - and, no, I'm not going to get all English-major-y, I swear - for the way Exley and White are at the beginning of the movie. In fact, I suspect that you could read this story without having seen said movie and get a very solid picture of both guys and their early relationship, such as it is. That's the reason I consider this the best w/s FF I've read to date. (Of course I've read others. This is fan fiction, people.)
Best FF to Use the Highly Disturbing Phrase "Kinky SoloFlex Commercials." And, No, That Isn't the Kink Here; Do You Think I'm Some Kind of Sicko? The Other Half, by Anna S., aka eliade. Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson. Ah, slave kink. Traditional, tried-and-true - a kink classic, if you will. Take some submission, throw in a soupçon of dominance - or, hell, a whole handful - and accessorize. But, as always, Anna S. does way, way more than that; this is a fantastic story. I know a lot of people hate first-person narrative, but when it's well done, as it is here, I love it. Notice how many little one-liners we get, how much sarcasm she packs into this text. (It helps that she's using Jack's voice, of course. I imagine General Hammond's wouldn't be quite the same.) And first-person is the best way to get a single character's take on the events, provided the narrator is reliable, and I think the Jack we have here is, aside from the whole Daniel-as-U.S.-President-with-Added-Sodo
Best FF That Reminds Us That We Should All Be Grateful for Sundays, and Make Full and Excellent Use of Them. Of Course, That Use Doesn't Have to Involve a Mountie; the Choice Is Yours. Sharp-Dressed Man, by Zahra, aka hackthis. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. I have a lot of dS kink in my database, because I have a lot of dS everything in my database. (Because it is a wonderful fandom, wonderful, and also - oh joy! - a wonderful canon. Thanks again, nigeltde.) But after long consideration (And, in fact, a debate with Best Beloved that lasted for most of a meal; remember this the next time someone tells you the dinner conversation isn't scintillating at casa thefourthvine.), I went with this, because Mountie suit kink is, like, the core kink of this fandom. Or one of them; it's a big fandom, after all. You could fill a medium-sized convention center just with people who have kinks about various parts of Callum Keith Rennie's anatomy, and I'm talking here strictly about the bits of his anatomy that you can see on TV. But there's something essential about the Mountie suit fixation in dS, and there's sure as shit something essential about it in dS FF; you don't want to know what size convention center you could fill with people who know way more than they probably should about getting Mounties out of their full-dress uniforms in record time. (I imagine Mounties live in fear of encountering dS fans. "She's taking an extreme close-up picture of your lanyard, Dougie." "Yeah, but it's not that that worries me. It's that she's salivating.") So, dragging myself back to the story: Ray has a Mountie suit kink. Fraser is, as always, understanding, courteous, and helpful. I'm telling you, this story works as a metaphor for the dS fandom as a whole. Provided, that is, that you've been way overexposed to Mountie Red #6, or whatever they call that dye.
* I think this is probably an unnecessary footnote. If you don't know what watersports are, I'm guessing you've only been reading FF, period, for about two weeks max, because after a few months, FF readers become more familiar with kinks than sex advice columnists. (After a few years, we're more familiar with most aspects of sex than the authors of The Joy of Gay Sex - way more, in fact, because we'd never consider including a chapter on bestiality in a book of that title. Consider yourself warned. Unless it's already too late for you.) So if you're new here, maybe you'll want to wait a bit on some of these stories. But if you're determined to read them now, today, know that watersports, aka golden showers, urophilia, and urolagnia, mix urine and sex to the pleasure of all participants. The reader's pleasure mileage will, of course, vary.