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20 April 2005 @ 08:23 pm
Slashy Nominations 114: By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Serious Weirdness This Way Comes  
Today, I offer you weirdness. In pairs. Think of this sort of like a - fandom poker hand, I guess. (Assuming you can ever play four-card poker, because I don't actually know, and I won't unless some fandom comes along about these guys who, like, go to a lot of different places, and play poker, and have adventures, and they're really funny and so obviously doing it.) Anyway: two pair, people. And what a pair they are.

(You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at that sentence.)

Best FF That Shows That What You Really Need, in Certain Circumstances, Is Money, Supportive Family, and a Really Big Engine. No, Make That All Circumstances. There in Nine Flat: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four, by khaleesian. The Fast and the Furious, Dominic Toretto/Brian O'Conner. When you've read this story, assuming you survive reading this story, you'll understand why it was amusing to me that I initially mistyped the fandom as "The Fat and the Furious." In the meantime, let me offer you something that is both a threat and a promise: while reading this story, I spoke out loud to the author via the famed communication medium of computer monitor, which I hardly ever do. (I am afraid the dogs will grow up traumatized. Or, you know, have me committed.) I said, "I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for doing this to me and making me like it." So my threat and promise is - you'll probably feel the same way about this at some point, because khaleesian does here something I truly never thought I'd see. Something I never wanted to see, and might in fact have paid actual American dollars not to see. And yet she did it so damn well that I read the whole thing, mouth open, totally enthralled. Totally enthralled with - this. And I'm afraid to tell you what it is for fear you won't read it, but - well, I figured it out pretty fast, and I kept reading, so - it's MPreg. It's realistic MPreg, to the extent that that statement can even be made without the sheer internal contradictions of it destroying the universe. And it is so in character and so well written and so fabulous and, OK, it's also MPreg, and nothing's going to change that. But give it a try, just for a couple of pages, OK? And, hey, if you like it, you can curse khaleesian and me.

Best FF That Demonstrates That Superheroes Should Come with a Warning Label Reading 'Does Not Handle Boredom Particularly Well. Unless You Like That Sort of Thing.' Mpreurgh, by Derry, aka derryderrydown and Propaganda, aka notpoetry. D. C. Universe, Batclan, Tim Drake/Bart Allen. And this has, like, the best cover ever, so you should go look at that immediately. The cover actually sums the story up way better than I ever could, although I'm still going to mention specific aspects. Like, for example, that this is, as the title suggests, crack-brained D.C. MPreg (albeit MPreg with a very special difference). And that Batman is the worst enraged father ever, and someone less impulsive (hee!) than Bart would've thought about that before having sex with Tim, and then done whatever was necessary to resist the temptation, up to and including moving to an alternate universe permanently. (And someone less brave than Bart would move to the alternate universe immediately after the sex, because again - Batman is an enraged father with explosives, surveillance equipment, and a seriously imbalanced outlook on life. So, basically, unless Tim goes independent a la Nightwing, he's going to need to pick partners pretty much from the super-powered or terminally brave segments of society. Of course, I'm pretty sure he's already figured that out.) Also, Alfred is the sweetest grandmother-to-be ever, although you don't want to think about that concept too closely, because it'll keep you up nights. Other things you'll probably want to avoid thinking about in any kind of depth: Tim in the throes of hormone-induced hysteria, the booties, and Batman keeping Bart on a leash. But read it anyway. It's wonderful, and it'll do you - well, if not good, then not a whole lot of harm.

Best FF That Shows Us the Real Problem with Hanging out with People Who Don't Care What Other People Think - Namely, That They Will Handle Public Sex Way Better Than You. Proof by Contradiction, by Shalott, aka astolat. Stargate: Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay. I think everyone should take a moment to be grateful to me here and now, because I realized while I was picking out this story that I have enough MPreg pieces to fill an entire set. And yet I chose to stop at two, and give you a pair of something else instead. This is restraint, and restraint should be rewarded, yes? So instead we have here that FF cliche that I so very much adore: aliens (or in this case, alien technology) make them do it. This particular plot device has been much on my mind lately. I've been searching out new ones and re-reading old ones and I've pretty much come to the conclusion that this is a golden cliche, a lovely cliche, a cliche that every author should write. A number of times, if at all possible. And I have enough aliens-make-them stories to fill at least two recs sets, and more if you count the ones in the comments for resonant8's recent post on the topic, which everyone should read immediately. So why did I pick this story for one of the aliens entries in this post? Because it starts after the aliens are finished with the main characters. You begin right off with the reaction, and it's just really fucking funny. Plus, you know how Shalott has this tragic habit of writing stories that suck people into new fandoms so fast there's a loud popping noise from the displaced mass? This is just such a story for SGA; no fandom knowledge required, and it's a perfect way to get to know these guys. And did I mention it's fantastic?

Best FF Featuring Daniel Making Yet Another Unfortunate Translation Error. Unfortunate for Him, Anyway. I Myself Am Strangely Comfortable with It. The Road Between the Walls, by keiko_kirin. Stargate: SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson. So, here we have the other aliens-make-them-do-it story, and where one Stargate is, should not the other be? (Because, hey. If McKay and Sheppard are going to have embarrassing public sex, it's only justice that Jack and Daniel join them. And, um. No one should cry "plot bunny" right now, OK? No. Seriously. Stop that right now.) Here we have a story with all the trimmings, including a pitched battle, an incomprehensible alien culture, and a new and novel use for a stargate. (No. Not as a sex aid. Don't even think it; frankly, I'm sort of sorry I thought it. Also, immediately stop pondering the various bad puns one could make out of "wormhole.") Plus, of course, imperious and perverted aliens. Strange how many of those the universe has produced, but I suppose that's what infinity is all about. And I, for one, am not complaining. No, not even a smidgen, because it leads to brilliant stories like these. See, Keiko has many gifts, and one of them is her ability to turn fandom cliches inside out, shake them vigorously, and build them into something substantial and wondrous to behold, and if my metaphor sort of derailed there, I refuse to care, because it's true. That's just what she does. Here, she gives that treatment to several of them; in addition to the aliens-make-them thing, note her skillful and persuasive handling of the "I'm secretly gay" concept. But most importantly, she gets these characters. And then she gives them to us, on a platter. And an ox-cart. And aliens. And sex. I don't see how any fan could ask for more.
plus one skeleton: Marfil delurkerdelurker on April 20th, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
I must confess that, more times than my dignity can survive, I have talked to writers via my monitor.
Also, I squeaked with excitement when I saw you'd posted recs.*

Just one thing: you appear to have accidentally linked to one of lynnmonster's flocked entries instead of to khaleesian's (the link to part one).

*I thought I'd be radical and give actual two-way communication a go.
tried to eat the safe banana: I sleep with computers.thefourthvine on April 20th, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
Well, in the spirit of sharing, I will admit that I have openly (and loudly) cursed the other players in the Hearts game that comes with Windows; this is all the more embarrassing because they are not even real people. (But they cheat. They so totally cheat. The bitches.)

Maybe we should start a Talks With Monitors support group.

(And thanks for heads-up on the link error. Whoops. Fixed now!)
plus one skeleton: Marfil delurkerdelurker on April 20th, 2005 08:51 pm (UTC)
(But they cheat. They so totally cheat. The bitches.)
I know! The computer gangs up on you. Probably it peeks at your cards, too.

Maybe we should start a Talks With Monitors support group.
Hi, my name's Danielle, and I've been talking to my monitor for eight years now...
Everyone: Welcome, sister!
Tim-tams: *are proffered*

(And thanks for heads-up on the link error. Whoops. Fixed now!)
No worries. It's so easy to do, really.
tried to eat the safe banana: Everybody wants a rockthefourthvine on April 21st, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
OK. That's it. I will offer recs, crackfic, maybe even money to the person who can tell me where to obtain the elusive but oft-discussed substance known as "Tim Tams." I have seen them mentioned everywhere lately, often in terms of serious, lust-filled longing, and if they contain some highly addictive ecstasy-inducing substance, well, I want my share. If they contain weird brain-reprogramming alien-created nanomachines that will, in time, spread to every human on Earth and make us do nothing but Serve the Overlords (via, depending on our talents, 12 hr/day work shifts in the giant salad mines of Venus, 12 hr/day work shifts in the giant porn movies of Mars, or 12 hr/day sessions of chanting "humina" while facing the Great Rock Shaped Like a Rock (and Nothing Else As Far As We Can Tell, but We Worship It Anyway)), I'm fine with that, too. It would suck to be stuck alone in a galaxy of salad, porn, and rock obsessed people and not have my own obsession, anyway.

Hmmm. I've just realized "salad, porn, and rock obsessed people" pretty much describes the entire community of internet users. And I already am, well, fairly intensely interested in two out of the three, maybe two and a half.

Perhaps the brain-altering nanomachines are already among us.

But in that case, I totally want my fair share of Tim Tams.
aliquid stat pro aliquomaygra on April 20th, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC)
you're back! Yay!.

I think we all talked to Khal thorugh our computer screens on that one. I'm pretty sure she heard us...also, there's an epilogue/part 5...

and also again, due south? have you seen this?


you're back!

::does happy dance::
tried to eat the safe banana: Word whorethefourthvine on April 21st, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
I am back!

And, yes, I've seen This Is Where We'll End It, and I love it. In between, of course, choking fits of envy for zoetrope's talents.

I think we all talked to Khal thorugh our computer screens on that one. I'm pretty sure she heard us...also, there's an epilogue/part 5...

*blinks* Must go look for that.

Perhaps we should all gather together and share our tragic tales of realization, complete with transcript of subsequent shouting at khaleesian via monitor, strong sensations of descending the ladder into the depths of Fan Fiction Hell, and occasional gasps of pure astonishment that anyone could write that and get away with it.

My own tale of woe would begin with completely skipping the warnings on the grounds that, hey, it's Khaleesian, and then reading the entire first section with an internal debate something along the lines of: "She wouldn't." "But she is." "She can't." "But she is." "She is not." "Oh, sweetie, grow up. She so obviously is, and you're so obviously going to read it and love it and rec it, so just get over this whole shocked naive FF virgin routine, because it is not even convincing." "You know, I liked my internal monologues better when they weren't so sarcastic." "Please. I'm not sarcastic. I'm just right."

And then, of course, the medication, the intensive therapy, and the bout of experimental treatments illegal in the United States. Tragic, really.

Still a great story, though.
Babies ate my dingo.: dc - disco batderryderrydown on April 21st, 2005 03:26 am (UTC)
*happy sigh* I love your recs. I always end up reading stories that I wouldn't have done otherwise and I always end up enjoying them.

Plus, I've never got over the glee of seeing one of my stories recced. (Although, Alfred, not Arthur.)
captain heteroknowledgeable: up up and awaynotpoetry on April 21st, 2005 09:46 am (UTC)
She likes us! She really likes us!

(Bart on a leash will never stop being funny to me. And thank you so much for the rec!)
Sienamystic: sweaty cage sexsienamystic on April 21st, 2005 05:33 am (UTC)
Plus, of course, imperious and perverted aliens. Strange how many of those the universe has produced, but I suppose that's what infinity is all about.

Thank you for making me snork so loud that I nearly sucked a piece of ice from my Diet Coke up into my sinuses. The universe, in its infinite diversity, is busily producing worlds of kinky aliens! Woo!
Glennhypertwink on April 21st, 2005 07:57 pm (UTC)
Whwn I first saw that it was khaleesian and Fast and Furious, I was gone and totally didn;t read the review. And when Iw as reading it, I was like, "Oh no, she didn't." But she did. And I liked it.

I used to ahte MPreg *sigh*

Marthasaffronhouse on April 23rd, 2005 12:20 pm (UTC)
Ahh, thank you reminding me of "Between the Walls" -- it had been too long since I'd read this. I love the claustrophobia of this story, like those walls really are closing in, and Daniel so calm even when he's half freaked out of his mind and Jack really *being* calm -- and the way that boy who never even gets a name remains as vivid a character to me as Jack and Daniel themselves. Geez, Keiko is *such* a writer.

(Sigh of unlovely envy, there, because I'm only human)
Wyoming Knott: is it porn? by allyoopswyomingnot on September 16th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
psst. another link gone dead.

The Road Between the Walls is now found here---> http://trickster.org/~sakana17/sg/roadwalls.html

(and if you would prefer that I stop these comments, just lemme know)