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14 June 2005 @ 03:52 pm
Poll: Come with Me  
It's time to discuss a very sensitive topic that I know you will all handle with maturity and respect for your classmates. Yes, it's time to discuss...orgasm.

I heard that, norah. One more remark out of you and you will be staying after class, young lady. Also, fanofall? Don't think I don't see you rolling your eyes.

Yes, orgasm can be a beautiful thing. When a person (or assistive device) gives pleasure to another person, that's a lovely, selfless act, and one we - last warning, people - as mature adults can appreciate. Or mature teenagers. Whatever. 'People old enough for porn' is the concept I'm trying to get across here.

Of course, orgasm can also be, well, a little less than beautiful. Particularly in certain kinds of fictional endeavors. Because, see, sometimes a person can be reading along, and then there's a sudden incursion of screaming and fainting and smelling salts and Mr. Darcy with a riding crop, and that person might think, "Did I just take a detour from Smut Boulevard onto Victorian Novel Lane? I...wow. I didn't know you could do that in spats." Or that person might think, "Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? I've never done that."

And yet I know some of you out there in readerland have done that, and now is the time to tell me about it.

I'm trying to assuage my own fears of serious abnormality, here. (Yes, really. Well, mostly. Well, partly, anyway. But I also tend to assume anyone I can hear laughing is laughing at me. I never said I wasn't paranoid, if you think back.) I'm also trying to figure out how often these things honestly happen, and under what circumstances. (Because I am nosy. No, there is no better reason. What reason could be better than that?) So let's remember the honor system, OK?

And, truly, no shame attached, no matter what you answer. For one thing, I included in the list items I could answer 'yes' to, and I'm not going to tell you what they were. (Well, OK. Possibly with begging. The right kind of begging. But then, the right kind of begging can get pretty much anything from me.) This should encourage those of you who can answer 'yes' to any of these to believe I'm right there with you, just in case you forgot to bring your sex-positive confidence with you today. And since I can't answer 'yes' to all or even most of them, people who can't check anything should also believe they're in good company. (You can decide for yourself if I count as good company or not.) Furthermore, no one can see your answers, and you should feel free to comment anonymously. Internet + sex + anonymity is pretty much the recipe for sharing, isn't it? So share.

(Which also means, for the record, that if you folks want to pimp this I'd be grateful. I definitely want to hear from all of you, but it'd also be very cool to get answers from people other than the Egregiously Tasteful and Talented Cohort.)

Poll #513074 Yes. Yes! YES!

During an orgasm, have you ever:

Fainted? (Or, for Stargate: Atlantis fans, passed out?)
Had your vision white out completely? (Blackouts and spots don't count, people. Precision is the heart of any scientific endeavor.)
Had an out-of-body experience? (Tell me where you went in the comments!)
Screamed? (And no high-volume substitutes can be accepted here; I mean, girl-in-a-Hitchcock-movie scream.)
Said (shouted, moaned, whispered, gasped, orated, hissed, wailed, howled, declaimed) your partner's name?
Or, hell, anyone's name? (Comment and tell me whose!) (People named 'Oooooo' and 'Ah, ah, ah' don't count, for the record.)
Cried (sobbed)? (Real tears required. They can be tears of joy, of course. If you're bent that way.)
Been attentive enough to continue a first-person narrative, including trenchant details of what your partner is doing? (If so, will you have sex with me? Answer in the comments.)
Been distracted enough that you had a reality lapse longer than five minutes? (If so, you might wanna go back and take another look at the first ticky box. Or google passive seizures.)
Achieved simultaneity with your partner without trying?
Engaged in other orgasm behavior common in fan fiction, which you will of course tell me all about in the comments?
Uh, is "insufficient data" an option, here?

When was the last time you had an orgasm? (Company not required.)

Within the last hour. (You're an orgasm overachiever! And I want you to know that I am incredibly proud of you right now.)
Within the last day. (Yay sex! Or other means of achieving orgasm! Or just yay orgasms might be a better way to put it!)
Within the last week. (Had a good weekend, did you?)
Within the last month. (Only not necessarily last weekend - no, I hear you. No shame intended or implied.)
Is one 'none' or is one 'very little'? Because technically zero should be... (Go have one right now and then retake the poll. Who knows? You might've developed the ability to astrally project since the last time.)
Orgasm? Please. I have small children/a prescription for Zoloft/my parents on the other side of my bedroom wall/other impediment. (Feel free to vent or discuss sublimation techniques in the comments.)

Please answer this one so I know how many people took the poll.

Oh...yes...yes...YES! I'm...taking...YES! YES! Oh my god I love you, poll!
Tags: [poll], [rant]
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: Beat methefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 03:55 pm (UTC)
*waves ruler menacingly*
Yeah, I know; I'm braced for all kinds of responses to this. (I do not fear the TMI so much, although I guess I could have the chance to learn the Error of My Ways here, but - yeah, I think there's some potential for trouble in this post.) The thing is - I just could not stand it any longer. If I read one more story in which someone screams, whites out, comes back to reality a half-hour later, and yet manages to continue a first-person narrative the whole time - well, I will begin to feel inferior. Which leads to rants. It's better this way.

(At least people are taking this poll. I seriously wondered if anyone would. Yay for the allure of ticky boxes!)
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
HJ: snyder smut - by sweetjane_69 & booster1hjcallipygian on June 14th, 2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
I have never passed out during sex, but when I was in high school my girlfriend had this really annoying habit of doing so. She had asthma and would get worked up enough that she would just stop breathing and pass out and let me tell you: that was some really freaky shit to have happen when you are just a clueless seventeen-year-old boy. I was so totally convinced that I was going to end up one of those urban legends slash scare-kids-into-abstinence stories wherein the boy and girl have premarital sex and it kills her.

Anyway. I think the above experience is why I am aware enough during all moments of sex to be able to keep track of first-person narrative at all times. I mean, I'm already paying attention and checking vital signs. It's not too hard to talk about it.
Adoable Frunk: lyrarayklyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 03:45 pm (UTC)

I apologize to barge in here, as you don't know me, but I just laughed so hard at this:

I mean, I'm already paying attention and checking vital signs.

Lord have mercy, that cracks me up.

(no subject) - hjcallipygian on June 14th, 2005 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Taz: Perversiontazical on June 14th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
*snickers* You said orgasm.
tried to eat the safe banana: Beat methefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 04:43 pm (UTC)
*ticked-off sigh*

Yes, thank you, Miss tazical. Ha ha ha. I suppose you will find detention as humorous?

*assumes Snape-like posture and orders tazical from the room*

Does anyone else feel the need to share clever remarks? Because I have just about had it with you kids, and the next person won't be sent to detention.

Adoable Frunk: lyra thonglyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC)
*raises hand in shame*

I'm in the camp that's moaned out a name while with someone who, uh, was not the partner at the moment.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - lyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hjcallipygian on June 14th, 2005 04:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - lyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - helpwess on June 14th, 2005 04:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - brynwulf on June 14th, 2005 04:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 07:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - heinous_bitca on June 15th, 2005 12:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 04:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celli on June 14th, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lyra_sena on June 14th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - executrix on June 15th, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - anno_domino on June 15th, 2005 09:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sinistrata on June 20th, 2005 04:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Erika Sanely: Allureerika_sanely on June 14th, 2005 04:02 pm (UTC)
Never fainted during an orgasam, but if its a good one, my right foot cramps up until I'm almost in too much pain from it to enjoy myself.
tried to eat the safe banana: Sexythefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC)
Ow ow OW. That has only happened to me on rare occasion, but OW it hurts, and you have my total and complete sympathy. Every good one?

That is so not fair.

(So, I'm guessing you ticked the "screaming" box. Because that? Would so make me scream. Although not in a good way.)
(no subject) - erika_sanely on June 14th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shayheyred on June 14th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pun on June 14th, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
z_rayne on June 14th, 2005 04:10 pm (UTC)
Engaged in other orgasm behavior common in fan fiction, which you will of course tell me all about in the comments?

Okay, this is cheating just a little, because it's not me but rather someone I used to date.... And, honestly, I don't see this all that often in fic, but I would like to. *g*

Anyway. So, this guy I used to date could have an orgasm on command. Not totally out of the blue, but pretty much any time during sex or masturbation, you could order him to come and he would within 5-10 seconds.

And why don't I have a TMI icon? *frowns*
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - z_rayne on June 14th, 2005 04:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - indywind on June 15th, 2005 04:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - z_rayne on June 14th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Dex Websterdexwebster on June 14th, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
a sudden incursion of screaming and fainting and smelling salts and Mr. Darcy with a riding crop

Strange, sure. But doesn't that last bit sound interesting?
tried to eat the safe banana: Beat methefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
In theory, yes. In practice, I am afraid it would take us to the Badfic Place:

"Oh, that dreadful Mr. Darcy. He is so very </i>toppy</i>," Elizabeth said indignantly. "I cannot bear the man. Do you see the way he is always laying about with his riding crop? It is past imagining, I tell you."

"Oh, Lizzy, do not be so hard on him," Jane cried, in real distress, for it was not in her nature to criticize the kinks of others. "He may act that way, but I am quite sure that if it came to it he would remember that a lady always gets to choose first."

And, OK, that's it. Can't badfic one of my favorite novels anymore. Feel tremendous guilt and shame as it is.

*departs in search of good works that may allay some small part of this dreadful, dreadful crime*

(Although, hey - if you can write it so it doesn't go badficcy, go for it.)
overly_shy on June 14th, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC)
My husband & I have had simultaneous orgasms without trying a few times. It was just a coincidence, and has more to do with having had sex many times over the last 15 years than anything else. It did not, by the way, seem any more meaningful than having separate orgasms.
tried to eat the safe banana: Sharethefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
Re: TMI?
It did not, by the way, seem any more meaningful than having separate orgasms.

I've never had one without some effort on the part of my partner, so I'm glad to hear you confirm my opinion of the whole deal, that there's no special wonderfulness there. For me, it was like - why go to any trouble just so that both of us miss half the fun?

That could potentially be TMI. But I don't think I'm going to make it through a single comment in this post without giving at least some of that, so, you know - sorry.
Re: TMI? - monkeypumpkin on June 14th, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: TMI? - executrix on June 15th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: TMI? - isiscolo on June 15th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: TMI? - overly_shy on June 16th, 2005 04:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
the upper echelons of mediocrity: Ani-methe_star_fish on June 14th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
Okay, so I checked off "Said your partner's name" but I only did it because (you're going to laugh) I'd read it so much in fanfic and wanted to see if it was even remotely plausible.

I, um.

Wasn't having a very good time anyway. But I minored in theatre ....
tried to eat the safe banana: Smilethefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
OK, I admit it. I laughed.

Because that? That was excellent. You deserve some kind of Testing the Realism of FF Even in Potentially Thorny (or Possibly Just Boring) Circumstances award. Or, no, I've got it now: Best Use of a Drama Minor in RL.

*snickers, but very quietly, and with love*

(No, seriously, it's a great story and I love it. But I'm not, you know, laughing at you. You know that, right?)
(no subject) - the_star_fish on June 14th, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
gigletgiglet on June 14th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC)
Engaged in other orgasm behavior common in fan fiction,

Well, no, but it *ought* to be common in fanfic, darn it!

I tend to laugh. Giggles, guffaws, everything in between. I do it enough that I warn my partners beforehand. I married the guy who laughed with me.
tried to eat the safe banana: Shiva says: Enough!thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
Oh my GOD, I so want to see that in FF. Because I do that, too. People in FF take sex really damn seriously, y'know?

But not nearly as seriously as people in original fiction. Or, god help us all, most people in real life. I bruised some egos giggling inappropriately in intimate situations in my youth, but I couldn't help it. Sex is funny! And sex and snark seems like a natural combination to me. (I don't have the ego-bruising problem anymore, because now I have Best Beloved, who laughs along with me.)
(no subject) - sinistrata on June 20th, 2005 04:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pinglederry on June 15th, 2005 01:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Hheuradys on June 14th, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC)
I did not check fainted/passed out. But nearly. Once. Had a lot more to do with the being tipsy and in a very steamy shower, I think, than what we were doing in there.
tried to eat the safe banana: Leeds with batsthefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah. Hot showers and alcohol together can do that to you. I once fainted getting out of a hot bath, just from standing up. (Admittedly, I also had a fever - I hadn't connected my sudden freezing-coldness and related desire to take a super-hot bath with illness, but I figured it out shortly after I came to on the bathroom floor.) Marble counters? Are hard, and you do not want to hit your head on them. For the record.
aliquid stat pro aliquomaygra on June 14th, 2005 04:44 pm (UTC)
I'm claiming
past life experiences...because those folks who were me before I was me? had great sex lives.

I'm thinking that falls under reality lapse.
tried to eat the safe banana: OH MY GOD!thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:36 pm (UTC)
Re: I'm claiming
You know, I think we've found something that has - well, I'm not saying never, because of course it's somewhere, so let's go with 'rarely.' That has rarely been used in FF, in my experience. I don't think I've ever seen it.

And, yup, I agree. Reality lapse!

(Was it a good past life?)
The most unique of all snowflakes: Mmmmmm a woman's backnolivingman on June 14th, 2005 04:47 pm (UTC)
His name was not Bob - I don't remember his name, actually, just that it was most definitely not Bob. He was cuter than Bob, though, and actually better in bed, so I'm not sure why I felt the need to call out for Bob.

Only time I ever used a name, and it was the wrong one.
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:41 pm (UTC)

And it is a very embarrassing thing to do under any situation, but if you actually know someone by that name (and I assume you did know a Bob), yikes.

I think what I've learned from this poll thus far is that it's best to stick to non-specific terms of endearment in bed. So that goes on page 116 of a book I'll never write. (Possible title: TFV's Guide to Surviving Your Sex Life.)
(Deleted comment)
tried to eat the safe banana: UF greythefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
That's 'cause we can give our characters the, you know, grace and narrative coherence fate won't let us have. (I've never come seriously close to drowning myself, but I nearly drowned someone else once. Challenging sex is probably not all that safe for me - or anyone else - given that I am insanely clumsy.)
misspamela: Fetishmisspamela on June 14th, 2005 05:04 pm (UTC)
I went out with this guy who once knocked himself out cold masturbating. In the heat of the moment he sort of lurched forward and smacked his head on his dresser. His mom found him naked on the floor a few minutes later. Awkward!
sprat: sulky rodney by queenshroomsprat on June 14th, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
LOL! You should write this into a fic. John might have done that as a kid, I think. Or hee, Rodney might *now*. :)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sprat on June 14th, 2005 08:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thefourthvine on June 14th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cheerio_dahling on June 18th, 2005 03:33 am (UTC) (Expand)