tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

Strange Interlude 1: Questions I Hope No One Is Planning to Ask

Today, in honor of fools of all kinds, I pay tribute to foolish questions. Without them, the internet would not be what it is today. (And for those of you who were wondering - yes, that's probably a bad thing.)

Note that this is just questions people are unlikely to ask - if you actually have a question, please see my User Info, where I'm more likely to give real answers to real questions. Or just email me or comment somewhere.

  1. What is a Slashy? It is the embodiment of the highest achievement available to fan fiction writers in this particular livejournal. Winners of the Slashy receive honor, glory, and an imaginary statue of their favorite character cast in solid gold.

  2. Can anyone nominate a story for a Slashy? No. But I would, frankly, love to hear any suggestions you might have. I'm prepared to offer excessive gratitude to a really good recommender.

  3. Can anyone win a Slashy? No. In order to be considered for a Slashy, you must write fan fiction. (There's nothing in the rules that says it has to be slash, though. Yeah, I was surprised too.)

  4. How can anyone ever win a Slashy? All you do is nominate. You never vote or anything. I believe voting immediately divides people into winners and losers, and I prefer to enhance rather than undermine the self-esteem of our young authors, fan fiction's most valuable resource.

  5. OK, but really, why only ever nominate? Because this is a constantly evolving medium. I could pick a "Best PG-13 FF Involving Macadamia Nut Oil, Horticulture, and a Live-Captured Kraken," and then someone would inevitably write a better one, and I'd have to go back and modify old entries and I'm just not that organized. So these are all nominations. Although I suppose if I ever get four or five nominations in the same category I might hold an actual vote. Don't, you know, wait up for it, though.

  6. Do you, yourself, write fan fiction? Are you joking?

  7. How pathetic is that? You're judging fan fiction without even writing it! Probably fairly pathetic, but not nearly as pathetic as starting this livejournal solely to catalog the results of my judging.

  8. Why are almost all your nominations R or NC-17? Because, and let's just get this out of the way right off the bat, I am a pervert. It is important to bear that in mind while reading this. (And if you're under 18, you should probably be visiting some other site, since I'm sure your parents wouldn't approve of what goes on here. There. That's exhausted my urge to act in loco parentis to complete strangers for at least the next decade.)

  9. So you're a perverted non-writing judgmental fan fiction critic. That's, wow. That's really pathetic. And?

  10. Say, speaking of being pathetic and all, do you have a life? Yes, actually. But I'm not saying it isn't also pathetic.

  11. When do you update? When it's time. See, I don't have much in common with the average Mary Sue, but I do have this mystical knowledge of when it's time. And that's when I update. When my Mary Sue Super Senses tell me to.

  12. Why don't you have an icon? Because I am not even remotely visual, and the task of trying to find an image that represents this journal is totally beyond me. I'm always willing to accept cast-off and gently used icons, though, if they're vaguely representative of the content of this livejournal.

  13. You put a link to one of my stories in your blog, and I'm not happy about this. Or you made a mistake in the citation or whatever. Email me, and I will take out the link or fix it or whatever.

  14. You put a link to one of my stories in your blog, and I didn't know about it, and I'm not happy about that. You have my sincere apologies.

  15. You said something I don't like about a story I love or wrote or beta'd. Or you have offended me in some other way. The line for flaming forms at the door.
Tags: [miscellaneous]
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