tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

Poll: You Make the Call, Because I Sure Can't

I haven't been posting recently, mostly because of real life issues, none of which is amusing. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things - if I don't post to LJ, eventually all of my writing starts to sound like I'm attempting to give orders to an eight-year-old without leaving any wiggle room the kid can later use to claim that it was not his fault because I never said not to set the house on fire.

But, unfortunately, my recs writing has been stalled by a cohort of evil bacteria. Turns out that if I'm entertaining myself for a full hour, between naps, with internet-based illness metaphors ("switching back to dial-up," for example, and you don't want to know what I did with "information super-highway," although I will note how proud I am that I managed, even in my weakened state, to make an obscene joke out of every word of that phrase), I'm not well enough to produce any recs sets, let alone ones I'd be willing to share with, well, anyone.

Still. I wanted to post something before I forgot my own journal password. What, I asked myself, is like posting, only less requiring of actual higher brain functions? Polls!

And this is a very good time for me to post a poll. For some time I've had a bunch of questions I wanted to ask you all - for example, who are you, and what are you reading, and also, how did you come to be here? So I seriously considered just re-running my first-ever poll.

Except, of course, that that would not count as any kind of writing at all. So I pondered for a bit (i.e., three naps), until I remembered a recent humiliation I suffered while attempting to explain a fandom kerfluffle to Best Beloved, who does not so much grok the fandom lifestyle. (Me:"See, okay, this one person said, okay, I'm not really sure because it's f-locked, but I do know that this other person said, um, something. About fans. Or fandom. Or maybe...huh. You know, I'm not really sure how it started, but what eventually happened was..." Best Beloved: "This is like high school, only in slow motion." Me: "Yes! Exactly!") My narration ground to a halt entirely - to, I suspect, the relief of all - when Best Beloved asked for a definition, with examples, of the term "Big Name Fan." At which point I was obliged to admit that I don't really know that.

Yeah. See, I know what the term means. Or, okay - I know what the initials stand for. But there's no handy index of name biggishness for individual fans. (Or maybe there is, and I just haven't found it yet; that would be fairly typical of my fannish experience to date.) Do I know any BNFs? Do I know of any? Have I been corresponding for years with one? There's no way to tell! So I exist in a very Zen zone when it comes to BNFs: I generally assume that either everyone is or no one is. Unfortunately, this did not satisfy Best Beloved's need for detailed, precise, and, ideally, thoughtfully indexed information.

Turns out there's a lot of shame in admitting to a loved one, whose good opinion you value and would like to keep, that you have been using a term for years without really understanding it.

No, I'm not going to ask you all to define BNF for me. I'm not insane, people. (Although if anyone wants to send me a handy link to the Index of Name Biggishness by Fan, really, my love for you will be intense.) I'm not actually going to ask you to define anything, since I'm not, you know, up to learning anything right now. Instead, I'm going to ask you your opinions of various concepts I have encountered within the fannish world. Together, we will make authoritative declarations about these things! And then, some other time, when I've regained the use of my brain, I will ask you to explain them to me.

Fan service:

Of the yay!
Acceptable only if the alternative is fan-rape.
Of the yuck!


Oh my god best thing ever!
Acceptable only if the alternative is work.
Oh my god please no I'll be good I swear!

Fan wank:

The reason my life is worth living.
Acceptable only if the alternative is the real world.
No. I mean it. This is bad and wrong.
...Didn't we just cover this? A question ago? Or is wank different than fan wank these days?

Wank fic:

You're just giving us an easy one, right? I mean, does anyone not love wank fic?
Acceptable only if the alternative is thrusting loins of gratuitous manhood.
You know, I really thought this question was going to be about fandom_wank.

Canon whoring:

Look, if you are a fan, then you love the source. By which I mean, the canon. We're all canon whores, people. In conclusion: yes.
Acceptable only if the alternative is an unlabeled AU that denies a whole segment of the canon. And also, one of the main characters is turned into a dragon. With boobs.
Look. The canon serves us; we don't serve the canon. You can love something without becoming its slave; isn't that what FF has taught us?


Delicious and amusing. Also, the weeping of fans is the most beautiful music of all!
Acceptable only if the alternative is Marti Noxoning.
We do not make gerunds out of the names of creators, people. Not even if they heartily deserve it. For that way lies a smackdown from the grammar bitch.

Pairing portmanteau words, like "Snarry" for Snape/Harry or "The Picture of Dorian Hotass" for Dom/Brian or "Hair gel" Look, I don't know a lot of these, okay? This isn't a test, people. It's a free exchange of opinions.

Yes, oh yes. They define my world. They are my world.
Acceptable only if the alternative is "creative" portmanteaus, such as "Harmoniums," or whatever the hell that damn word is.
Please. No. It hurts. I can't - just please - look. One more of those and I'm switching to gen, you hear me?
You are so going to get flamed for this. Seriously, you'll rue the day you mocked the Harmoanies - um, Harmium - Harlots.

Fake cuts:

Yes! They are like cuts, but they are not cuts. It's deep, man.
Acceptable only if the alternative is no cuts. Some things I don't need to see, and that includes all your Obi-Wan does Dance Dance Revolution icons.
No. No. Can we get over this, LJ?
Aren't those pretty much just...links? I mean, I don't have a problem with links. This is the internet! It is made up of links! And...string, I think.

Nonsensical polls:

Yes, I do have an opinion to share on what flavor of juice Batman would be. (Cran-grapefruit, duh.) Thank you for asking.
Acceptable only if the alternative is posting gigantic pictures of your feet, without a cut.
No. If there are polls, let them make sense and have a purpose and meaning. That doesn't explain why I'm taking this poll, of course. Suffice to say: I was bored.
...Wait. There are polls that make sense? On LJ? Are you sure?

Fandom acronyms, like SGA or SV or H:LotS or N3 or TFTMNBN:

Yes! Yes! It is how we know that a fandom has arrived. Plus, it saves our fingers. Any step away from RSI is a good step to take.
Acceptable only if the alternative is misspelling the name in full, or fighting minor wars over whether or not it's okay to just write "Seven" instead of "Se7en."
No. Look, if you don't love the fandom enough to spell out its full name, you aren't a fan.
...Do I have to have an opinion on everything?


The acronym that brings love to any party!
Acceptable only if the alternative is reinitializing the feedback rant loop.
No. This is the acronym that brings pain to any party. I would actually rather talk about feedback, and how no one has ever gotten precisely the right kind and the right amount.
...What? Because I was actually kind of, um. With you on the "not really sure what it means" thing. Which I guess makes me against it, since I have to sort of skim over paragraphs that feature it.
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