tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. (Your Mileage May Very. Not Available in All Locations.)

'Tis the season for, well, seasonal posts. Thinking of giving me something for my birthday (which is the 17th of November) or the Big Amalgamated Year End Holiday (which is closer than it seems)? Let me direct you to my handy wish list for ideas, although of course any gift will be accepted with a cheerful smile and sincere gratitude. Thinking you might be the questionably lucky person assigned to write for me in Yuletide? You are a strange and kindred soul, and there's a letter here that is addressed to you.

A Consummation Devoutly to Be Wished

(Note: if you want my address for the items here that need mailing, email me; I have a LiveJournal address.)

  1. Fan fiction. I rec fan fiction because I love it. It is a good gift to give me! If you read this LJ, you know what I like, and if you click here and direct your eyes to the right side of your screen, you will see a very long list of the fandoms I read. (Current favorites include, in alphabetical order, DCU, dS, Jossverse, O11, SGA, SG1, SN, SV, TFATF, and TS, but I'm so very easy.) I like humor, snappy dialog, happy endings, OTPs, plot, and porn. I can't handle deathfic, and I can't handle it when animals are hurt or die in fic. Beyond that? I will be happy with anything that is written for me, because it was written for me, and that is the kind of thing that makes TFVs very, very happy. Sometimes they even whisper, very quietly, "For me," doing their best to imitate Helium from Strindberg and Helium. Which is frankly a little disturbing, but really, we keep that kind of thing private. And we're getting the hell out of first person plural before we break something.

    But if you want to go above and beyond (or you just want to know what lurks in the shadier sectors of my brain), here are some of my Questing Beast stories - the ones I eternally seek:

    • I, Robot (the book by Isaac Asimov), Gregory Powell/Mike Donovan. This book was the first one ever to register on my very primitive slash-detector, but apparently I'm the only person in history whose slashy senses pinged for these two. I still maintain that they were so doing it, out there all isolated in the depths of space with only the three laws, assorted broken robots, and each other for company. (Look. You try getting off with the Three Laws of Robotics.) Anyone who wants to prove that - or write gen about them; seriously, I don't care - will make me happy beyond my capacity to express in only three dimensions.

    • Angel the Series, Angelus/Charles Baudelaire. I can't be the only person who heard the Baudelaire reference in She (season one) and sat bolt upright, crying "That explains everything!" Because it does. Baudelaire was obsessed with good, but mostly with evil (and with sex and drugs). He wrote poems about being surrounded by demons, about the sun and the moon, about horror and death and darkness. He had a long-term lover who was a witch. He wrote more than one poem about a vampire. Just scan your eyes down the poems of Les Fleurs du Mal - see what I mean? Clearly, Angelus got to him when he was young and impressionable and destroyed his mind, either with or without a lot of hot gay sex, and I for one want to know how that came about. But I could never write it. So I continue to hope that someone else will.

    • The Sting, Johnny Hooker/Henry Gondorff. One of the greatest unsolved mysteries of the universe is why this not a huge honking fandom with weekly kerfluffles and maybe a couple clever pairing portmanteaus (Hooff? Gonker? Henny?). Because these guys, these guys are insanely slashy. You couldn't put Newman and Redford on the same continent without getting slash spikes so severe that sometimes entire groups of random men turned gay. Even Newman's wife noticed it. (She said she figured if Newman ever left her, it would be for Redford.) And this movie - say what you will about Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (and I think there's a lot to be said about it), I think this is slashier. Also, it has a happy ending. I would love, love, love to see some fic in this fandom.

  2. Those who can, pimp. Teach me of Our Fannish Heritage; that post explains how. Fandoms that I consider to be part of Our Fannish Heritage include:

    • Highlander.

    • The Sentinel.

    • Star Trek: The Original Series.

    • The Professionals.

    • Starsky and Hutch.

    • Anything else you think I should know; I'm here to be taught.

  3. Pimp me baby one more time. Do you have a newer fandom you'd like to spread to unwitting and mostly innocent parties? I stand ready to be pimped, and so does Best Beloved, who actually does all the media consuming in our household. (I handle the smut and the whining.) Send us a pimp kit - basically, key episodes and a description of why they are key, ideally with an emphasis on the slashiness - for any fandom you think we might enjoy. Possibilities include (but are in no way limited to):

    • Doctor Who (9th Doctor edition).

    • The Invisible Man.

    • Yami no Matsuei, Kyo Kara Maoh, Neon Genesis Evangelion - basically, any anime you believe would enhance Best Beloved's knowledge of and love for the genre and my knowledge of and love for the affiliated smut.

  4. Graphics are good. The icon lust is upon me, but, tragically, I am graphically untalented. I especially lust after icons that aren't built around actors or faces - although, in a pinch, a drawn or animated face is always good. Some things I like that might make good graphics fodder: wombats, dogs, and fish. Astronomy, molecules, and fractals. Sex, smut, and erotica. Old prints, maps, and illustrated manuscripts. Books, words, and grammar. Shades of gray, earth tones, and dark, murky colors. The icon themes I collect (in other words, I always have one, and I rotate around my collection regularly): dogs, umbrellas, books, computers, writing (all alphabets), maps, and icons with my own LJ name on them.

    And, again, I have super-special requests this year. (I'm not sure why you'd want to fulfill these requests, but I'm putting them out there all the same.)

    1. An icon from this set, or even the whole set (and the spelling and grammar used here is crucial for these):

      • I am a genius and allways rigt, on an icon of Rodney McKay, ideally recognizably him but not just his face.

      • No Parking, with graphics of your choice, from SGA or any other fandom.

      • A daisy is wite and yelow but not me I hop, again with any graphics you choose.

      • Far and away I wish do knok and enter, ideally on a picture of the Gate (beta or blue-rune-of-death enhanced version) or Atlantis.

      • All the bees are ded, with the image of your choice.

    2. An icon that says, "More Sodomy. More Dinosaurs." or just "Sodomy and Dinosaurs." (From the excellent story here.) Plus some kind of picture type thing, obviously, but I have no clue what would go with that.

    3. Icons that follow the above general restrictions (no human faces, nothing that relies on the recognition of a single actor or character) that are related to:

      • Vids.

      • Music.

      • Glee.

    4. Teach a woman to make icons and she will stop begging for them. In other words, I have a folder of saved photos that I think have good icons in them. If you want to teach me, in very slow baby steps designed for the graphically impaired, how to make these into icons - or if you want to see the folder and icon it or just giggle at my taste - let me know.

  5. Give. My favorite charities include:

    • Labmed, which helps rescued Labs get the medical care they need.

    • Public libraries. Got some books in good condition that you don't need? Or a few extra bucks? A library near you could probably use both. You could also give to the Malibu Public Library.

    • Heifer International - that link will take you to my Heifer wish list, and I'll even match donations made there. Just think - we could buy someone ducks!

  6. Give LiveJournal time to someone else. My addiction is so severe that I now have a permanent account, so I don't need LJ time. But - take a look at Buy for Friends (that will give you your friends list, not mine); is there someone who has a free account who writes stuff you like to read? Someone who is having a crappy holiday season? Someone who makes gorgeous icons who might like a chance to use them? I would love it if you gave that person paid LJ time or an LJ gift certificate or whatever. It is, I promise you, lots of fun.

  7. Feed them. In other words, leave some feedback for someone whose stories or vids or icons you've enjoyed. If you're up to it, you could even make it a challenge: ten pieces of feedback in a month, or something like that. Or send some well-deserved love to the people who hold our fannish world together: archivists, moderators for lists and communities, people who run resource lists or sites or journals or newsletters. Someone made your fannish experience more fun or more interesting or easier this week; if you told that person about it, you'd be giving a gift to her and me.

  8. Feed me. I love trying foods from other countries (and I have a love for Tunnocks and Tim-Tams that is in no way facilitated by their stubborn refusal to move to this country). If you live somewhere other than the western United States and you want to send me a local treat, that would be excellent. I'm a vegetarian, but anything non-animal is fair game. I will poke it! I will prod it! I will make Best Beloved eat some, too!

  9. Write to me. I'm terrible about sending things via the mail system, as anyone who has ever waited (and is still waiting) on a package from me will tell you, but I love getting personal mail - cards, letters, whatever. Doesn't have to be a holiday card, either; feel free to send me a card your kid made out of construction paper, or a letter that Rodney McKay wrote to John Sheppard that somehow got misdirected to me, or a postcard you bought last summer. I will open it with glee and display it in my home.

  10. Sing to me. Or, you know, get others to. I collect holiday music and mutant cover versions; if you have a favorite song in either category, and you want to share it, I would adore that. (Mp3, if possible; I might be getting an iPod, after all.)

    The Merriest, Maddest Day of All the Year

    Dear Yuletide Santa,

    If you have any questions or want clarification on anything, feel free to comment anonymously on this post. IP logging is off, so I won't know who you are, and it won't take the mystery or joy out of the Yuletide Experience for me. (Provided this does not prove unacceptable to the Yuletide organizers, of course.)

    Okay. That's all I really had to say. The rest of this is just in case you want to get to know my preferences, my fandoms, or me a bit better. If this is going to give you a massive anxiety attack, skip it all with my blessing.

    You may have noticed that I gave you some very, um, detailed suggestions. I did that because last year my recipient gave me details for one of her stories, and I ended up writing that one - it was much, much easier to write from a given starting point. And, after all, three of these four requests will go into the NYR pot, where details are definitely better.

    But I want to emphasize: the ideas are just there to help you out and to take the edge off your Yuletide Angst. If they're actually making things worse - if you're staring at them blankly and saying, "There is no way that I could write that," remember: you don't have to. They're just guidelines, really; feel free to ditch everything that doesn't work for you.

    I'm primarily a recommender, so if you want to know the kinds of stories I like to read, you might want to browse through my back posts. To summarize, though: the most important things to me are characterization and voice - and I love snappy dialog, which you may have already figured out based on the fact that all my requested Yuletide fandoms are dialog-intensive; many of them also feature banter. I enjoy plotty stories and character studies and porny stories; slash or gen or het or femslash - any genre is fine with me.

    I prefer happy endings to unhappy ones, humor to angst, external problems to internal ones. I am squicked by intense embarrassment, rape, and animal mistreatment or death. And please don't kill anyone off. I'm not up to death stories this year, not in fandoms I love so much.

    And I really do love all these fandoms. I first read I, Robot and Wodehouse (his, um, complete oeuvre; I went through a whole Wodehouse epoch that summer) when I was ten. I, Robot was my introduction to science fiction, and my very first experience with what I now call slashiness. Wodehouse came a little later, but his stuff also pinged on my proto-slashometer, with the school stories actually scoring higher than Jeeves and Wooster (I know, I know; I was a weird kid). I read I, Robot and the Wodehouse school stories to pieces; I am on my second or third copy of each one. I saw The Sting for the first time years ago; I had never heard of it, because it came out way before movies were registering on my own radar, so it was this astonishing surprise to me. (I had never seen Robert Redford or Paul Newman in anything, either, and their chemistry was a real surprise to me.) It was clever! It was funny! It had characters I liked and a plot I understood! The Sting was the triggering incident for my obsession with capers and buddy stories, and it was one of the things that put me on the path to fandom. And Zero Effect is, for me, the runt of the litter that you love an extra amount because he's the runt. No one has ever seen it except for me and my Best Beloved, it seems, so it's almost like it's our own personal movie. And, seriously, could there be a better one? It is so very wonderful; I can quote whole chunks of it. And, again, it has all the ingredients for my kind of true media love: great characters, buddies, loyalty, humorous dialog, a zany plot.

    So, obviously, I have long-standing, hopelessly devoted relationships with all these canons; that means I will look on a story in any of them with adoring and uncritical eyes. In short: I will love the story you write, because it is in one of my most loved fandoms, and because it is for me.

    Thank you for writing for me.


  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →