tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

Poll: Hot or Not?

Recently, I was discussing the writing of porn with a party who shall remain nameless (unless she chooses to be named). The key part of the conversation went kind of like this:

Her: I'm writing porn that is very difficult.
Me: *sympathy*
Me: *rambling about ME ME ME*
Me, continuing to ramble: Like, when I was writing my Yuletide 2005 story, my recipient requested "hot het porn." And what I wrote was unbelievably not hot, the antithesis of hot. You were there for the shrieking hysterical breakdown, so I don't need to recapitulate.
[Note: For those many lucky folks not there for the breakdown: there was shrieking. And hysterics. And a post that is, mercifully, locked privately away forever, but can be summarized as, "I will fail my recipient and ruin Yuletide. I LOSE." In conclusion: porn does not come easily to some of us, and if you're just snickering at that, well, okay. I am, too. Join me in my club for the incurably low-minded!]
Me, still rambling: And when I reread that story, it is still the antithesis of hot, at least to me.
Me, rambling ever on: In fact, I don't think I've ever found anything I've written even remotely hot. Huh. Perhaps this is why I am so very bad at writing porn.
Her: ...I find the porn I write hot.
Me: Ooo. I feel a poll coming on.

And then I realized that today I would be in need of distraction. So - here is that poll. And it's only for people who have ever written any kind of porn, of any stripe, except the last question, which can be taken by anyone.

For the purposes of this poll, "porn" doesn't have to be NC-17 or even R; it just has to be erotic in intent. And you don't have to have written a lot of it. Once is enough! And it doesn't have to have been fan fiction, either. And any manner of porn - boy parts, girl parts, a delightful mixture of parts, merman/centaur (no, do not ask where the merman keeps his parts, for that way lies madness), tentacles galore, whatever - is equally valid.

Pimping of this poll would be not only welcome but, given the topic, entirely appropriate. If you know porn writers, why not ask them to come on over? I'd appreciate it. Distract me, people! I'm begging. Nicely.

Do you find porn you, yourself, are writing hot while you are writing it?

No. So not hot.
It depends. And I will explain this further in the comments.
Yes. Sometimes the keyboard catches fire, baby!
Radio buttons are the tools of the oppressors. Comments will set me free!

Do you find porn you, yourself, have written hot after you've written it? (Like, upon re-reading it.)

No. So not hot.
It depends. And I will explain this further in the comments.
Yes. Sometimes the monitor catches fire, baby!
I never, ever re-read my porn. And I refuse to, even for sound scientific polling reasons.
Radio buttons enforce false dichotomies and further divide our fractured society. I will seek unity in the comments.

Judging by comments and betas and suchlike, do you react to your porn - in terms of hotness - differently than your readers?

Yes. (And I am considering leaving a comment explaining how.)
Sometimes. (Because comments are like meditation, in that they bring clarity.)
No. (Only with comments there is generally less deep breathing and sit bones.)
My porn is never read by anyone except me. Or, possibly, anyone including me. So who can say?
I'm skipping straight to the comments, thanks. Radio buttons are the devil's playground.

Writing porn, as compared to other kinds of fiction writing, is:

Easy, like Captain Jack Sparrow or Harkness.
Hard, like Wolverine or Aeryn Sun.
Kind of in between, like Johnny Smith in bed with Walt and Sarah. Or Fraser in bed with assorted Rays.
Pretty much the same, like Fred and George or Connor and Murphy.
Better than these radio buttons, that's for damned sure. Comments for me!

As always, please exit the poll by choosing a random chunk of text suggested by Opera. (Special vaguely porn-related theme!)

The New Pornographers
thefourthvine wrote the worlds greatest love story. ... afterward, thefourthvine became an ideal and disappeared.
A kinky hypothesis!
You wouldn't believe the stuff I've been thinking.
Serve hot.
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