tried to eat the safe banana (thefourthvine) wrote,
tried to eat the safe banana

169: The Feeling's Like a Sunshiny Day

I had kind of a hard morning, what with one thing and another - or, okay, technically it's just been the last hour that's been difficult. But it was really not a pleasant hour.

So I think it's time to trot out some recommendations of things that make me smile. (Seriously, I should just have a separate folder on my computer. It should probably be called something like Oh Hai, Did You Has Bad Dayz? It would save a lot of time when I need to turn to the safety net part of fandom, and I could also store lolcats in there for emergency cheer-up snacks.) In this case, I'm posting about vids that make me smile. This is so that I can subtley segue to a poll.

Because, see, I am going to Vividcon. They gave me a scholarship! I know, I don't understand it either, and I did ask if there'd been a mistake, but apparently not. So I am totally going, and I am deeply excited about this. Also kind of scared. I have never been to a con before. (At least, okay, not a fan con. I've been to the kind of convention where there are poster sessions and bitter arguments over keynote speakers, but it's really not the same, I'm guessing.) And here I am, going to a con with all these rock stars of the fannish world. It is deeply exciting (YAY) and moderately confusing (Why did they pick me?) and slightly scary (OMG ROCK STARS).

So. Poll time!

Poll #1003291 Vividcon! Yay!

I am going to Vividcon! Are you going to Vividcon?

OMG Yes!

No one I know in person will be there. *sniffle* So. Will you be my friend at VVC?

Only if no one is looking.
Well. You may be part of my entourage, how's that?

I am shy, and also easily overcome by fangirl awe. (ROCK STARS OMG.) In short, I might need someone to hide behind from time to time. Are you willing to be that person?

I am. I am also suitably sized for a short, round person to hide behind.
I am, but I am the wrong shape for a short, round person to hide behind.
I am, and I'm willing to wear a pumpkin costume to make me suitable for hiding-behind purposes.
I am totally not. My behind is not for you, sweetie.
You don't want to hide behind me. That's where the party is at VVC.
No hiding! That is the first rule of VVC.
Have you considered a potted plant? Or maybe an arras. These are the traditional hiding places, you know, and you can bring your own if you can get it on the plane.
There's another really excellent hiding place you should know about, and I will tell you of it in the comments.
I will be seeking my own person to hide behind. We could do a hiding conga line if you wanted, though.
The hiding spot behind me is already claimed. You have to register early to get a good one.

And now, the actual smile-inducing recommendations.

The One with the One. Man in Motion, by renenet. Matrix trilogy.

Availability: off-click, save as, right at the announcement page. Easy peasey.

This one is labeled as a Lord King Bad Vid, in the sense of "Something that speaks to your inner 12-year-old maybe a little more than you want it to. Okay, maybe a lot more than you want it to. Okay, maybe she's crying on the floor from the sheer love of this concept, and frankly you would disown her except you love it, too." And I will admit that there is a component of that, here. Neo is a man in motion! All he needs is a pair of wheels! But it is the definitional opposite of an actual bad vid.

And here's something cool: I have actually seen all the source for this vid. You have no idea how rare that is. Even with movie vids, I often find myself trying to guess what the movie is, usually while muttering unhappily about vidders who apparently have a lot of extra hours in their days, judging by the fact that they routinely do all these awesome things AND watch more source than seems humanly possible. It is unfair for them not to share their magical day-stretching technology with the rest of us.

But here we have an actual vid I've seen all the source for. All of it! In the theaters, too, which was in retrospect not the wisest of choices, for all kinds of unfortunate reasons. You know what, though? I totally don't care that seeing all three of the movies was an agonizing experience for someone. This vid made it all worthwhile. Why, you ask? Well. Did I mention that Neo is a man in motion? Did I mention that he can feel the St. Elmo's fire burning in him?

Okay. If that won't convince you, how's this: remember that We Are Humans; Watch Us Party Down scene? The one that took approximately 14 hours of your life? This vid will make you love that scene, and I bet you thought that was impossible.

Oh my god, I just can't emphasize this strongly enough, people: watch this. You will be in love by the time the second verse is over if you are even remotely capable of love, because, because - Neo! Only he can do what must be done!

Sorry. I can't talk coherently about this vid. It makes me giddy just thinking about it. But if ever there was a vid to make my inner 12-year-old go YAY, this is the one. On her behalf, then, I give you this message: <3! (You might think she'd throw in extra exclamation points, but in fact she would not; my 12-year-old self was such a prim little pedant that she makes me look like the loose floozy of the grammar world.)

The One with a Castrating Laser. No, Really. I Find That Deeply Wonderful. Der Kommissar, by giandujakiss. James Bond series.

Availability: download link or IMEEM available from announcement page.

Can I just admit that - look. Technically, I've seen almost all the old Bond movies. But, sadly, that was in the era before I comprehended movies, so mostly I just made up stories that went with the dialog. (There's not a lot of dialog in a Bond movie, either. It's very restful. Just anything can happen in the space between when the villain explains his cunning plot and when Bond throws out a one-liner that is probably a lot more witty if you're processing what you see on the screen in front of you.) I remembered quite enjoying the Bond movies.

Some years later, I made Best Beloved rent one with me. It was - look, it was just not as good when all the action was happening on screen and not in my head, okay? And since then, I've been an unashamed fan of the more recent Bonds. I'm sorry. I know I'm a bad person for liking Daniel Craig better than Sean Connery.

But my point is: the thing that sent Best Beloved and me off into fits of giggles while watching the old Bond movie was, well, the cheese. I mean, I like cheese, but not when Sean Connery is coated in it. Except this vid taught me that okay, maybe I do like cheese, even on Sean Connery, provided it is compressed and carefully edited and set to Der Kommissar. Because this vid - it takes all the things that really do not work in your actual serious action-adventure movies (patently fake snakes, a man wearing what appears to be the collar of a spacesuit and pretending not to be embarrassed about it, a woman with a shoe that has a knife in the toe), and distills them down to the essence of cheese, which somehow makes them work.

Admittedly, this vid does not make me actually want to see any Bond movie particularly. No. But, whenever I watch it, I squeak with glee on several occasions (at the awesome suggestion of Bond guys along with Bond girls, for example - is that one scene seriously as gay as it looks in this vid?), I giggle helplessly on too many occasions to count (For example: FAKE SNAKE. I am a woman easily swayed by a suspenseful battle to the death with a really large, obviously plastic snake.) This vid makes me smile and fulfills my entire recommended daily allowance of spy-related cheese.

The One with Sartorial Choices That Will Haunt Your Dreams Forever. I Only Want to Be with You, by keiko_kirin.* The Persuaders.

IMEEM: I Only Want to Be with You. (Streaming will start when you click; hit pause until it's done loading if you have a slow connection.)**

Availability: the download is on a password-protected page. This link takes you to the announcement, which explains how you can get the password. And it is so worth it, so please don't let that whole password thing dissuade you. For one thing, I'm going to be recommending another vid from this site in a couple weeks, and you won't want to miss that one, either. Save time! Get the password now!

I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what the source for this vid is about; I had never even heard of it prior to watching this. If I had to guess, though, I would say it was about two men who have found their calling, and it involves dressing up in ridiculous outfits, swanning around in high style, driving fabulously ludicrous cars, and being completely and totally gay for each other. I'm prepared to hear I'm wrong on all the points but that last one; this vid has convinced me that these guys are so doing it, and it would likely take decades of brainwashing to unconvince me. ("" " - wait a minute, wait a minute, you can't tell me they weren't about to kiss right there. I totally see slash! In bucketfuls!" "" "But I think that one guy's about to give the other one a blowjob. That's - you know, kinda slashy.")

But I'm pretty sure I'm right on the other points, too. Especially the ridiculous outfits; in this vid, we see - just as examples - an aqua toga (yes, it is pretty painful, but it's also very brief - have courage!), what I swear is a lavender paisley shirt (yes, on a guy, who is apparently secure in his masculinity or secure in his total gayness - or, as I suspect is the case, both), and some deeply unfortunate royalesque robes. Either outfits are key to this source, or the costumer designer had access to drugs of unparalleled and certainly illegal awesomeness. (Or, again, could be both. If I had to guess, I'd say both.)

...Um. I totally did not mean to go on a digression about clothes. (AQUA. TOGA. I am quite serious.) I meant to talk about the vid. Which is - wow. It's just fun, people. It's the romping, rollicking, unfortunately attired adventures of two men in love, and it never fails to make me a happy, bouncy person.

I also really admire this vid because it uses an editing style that I am totally sure shouldn't work, and yet it does. See, this vid is mostly really short clips with really fast cuts. And the song does not seem to cry out for that editing style, and, you know, fast cuts, they can get wearisome. But here, they so totally do not - instead, they create sort of a skipping-through-the-park-hand-in-hand mood. I think maybe part of the reason it works so well is that Kay keeps the thematic content of each clip similar (two men, frequently wearing unfortunate clothing, in as close proximity as it is possible to get without warping space), so the short clips are really easy to follow, and it's just - bouncy. Cheery. Fun. Again, this vid never fails to make me smile. (Well, smile and mutter, "Who are these gay men?")

The One with an Enormous Penis. Oh, Don't Even Pretend You're Not Going to Download It Now. Enormous Penis, by Hank Shiffman. (Anyone know if he's on LJ?) Farscape.

Availability: It's at the bottom of the list on this page. I tried to find a link to a vid announcement, but couldn't; if anyone knows of a preferable link, I'd be pleased to hear about it.

Okay. So. I am sure there are many people reading this who are above sophomoric humor, who do not find penis jokes especially funny, who have dignity and poise and sophistication. Those people will wish to skip this recommendation entirely, as they may find it distasteful. (Or it may undermine their commitment to higher thinking, which would be tragic. Someone has to produce the great thoughts of our time! And it won't be me, as I will be busy with porn and juvenile humor for - pretty much ever, as far as I can tell.)

The rest of us, though - well, let me put it this way. We started with a vid that makes my inner 12-year-old squeak with joy, and we're ending with one that makes her die with laugher. I mean, really, I cannot speak for your inner child, but mine finds this video consistently hysterical. Because it's D'Argo! And he has an enormous penis!

Yes, that's really the whole vid. It's wonderful.

I remember the first time I watched this vid. It was long before I had seen any Farscape, and I was like: *snicker*. (Yes, just like the way people used to snicker during sex ed in 7th grade - and note that I did not do any snickering then; I was too grown-up. This whole maturity thing seems to be working in reverse for me.) I thought it was amusing. Big guns = enormous penis! This is an inherently funny equation.

And then I actually watched some episodes of Farscape. The next time I saw this vid, I died. Because while it is inherently funny that guns = enormous penises, it is much, much, much funnier when it's D'Argo - who just has to be well-endowed, if his species swings that way - waving around the big guns and having a giant dick.

Basically, this vid has the same effect on me as an enormous penis apparently has on men: it's got the cure to all of my blues. (And in particular, there is a shot of John Crichton in here - well, let me put it this way. When I don't smile at that, please view it as a cry for help.) (Also, there's a bonus cookie thing at the end that just...HEE. Oh, I love Claudia Black so much.)

* Thanks, terrio and par_avion!

** Thanks, anonymous!
Tags: bond, farscape, the matrix, the persuaders, vids
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