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20 April 2004 @ 08:28 pm
Slashy Nominations 28: The Rule of Threes  
I'm revisiting stories featuring triangles, menages a trois, and other groups of three.

Best FF Featuring Three Characters with Remarkable Senses of Balance but Very Little Common Sense: Words Spoken in Winter, by grit kitty. The Sentinel, Jim/Blair/OFC. And how do I know these characters have good balance and no sense? Well, this is a threesome done standing up in a public place. Folks, please don't try this at home (and especially don't try this where you work). I like this story because it pays homage to the time-honored tradition of what I think of as sexual triangulation, when two members of the same sex want to get it on but can't, until the presence of a convenient member of the opposite sex gives them the freedom they need.

Best FF That Proves Excessive Snow + Lack of Quality Television = Insanity + Group Sex, Which Suggests That Norway Must Be a Very Interesting Place to Live: Bundling, by Janete, aka 3jane and thete1. X-Force comics, Cannonball/Rictor/Shatterstar. (This is the version of this trio that has a relatively happy ending; you can see a slightly grimmer story about these fine folks in Caressing the Marble and the Stone, which I actually prefer. I guess maybe I just like tears better than cookies.) Now, what is it about comicbook universes that leads to so many threesome stories? Maybe it's the emphasis on teamwork. And if so, then I've got to wonder what my PE teacher was trying to do to us with all those team-building games. (Hmmm. Could explain some things, there. Perhaps I should sue.)

Best FF That Teaches Us That You Don't Need Phone Sex When You've Got the Right Mutant on Hand: Going Down, by shalott. X-Men movies, Xavier/Magneto/Mystique. The convoluted relationship between these three has inspired a lot of excellent fan fiction, and as usual, shalott is both ahead of the game and at the head of the class. And this one is especially interesting; it's possibly the only threesome in fan fiction successfully carried out when one of the participants is twenty miles away. Or I suppose I could say when one of the participants is divided in two. However you think of it, this is delightfully twisty. The curse of shalott - FF I just can't stop reading - strikes again.

Best FF Featuring Creative Uses for Various Parts of Two Mounties' Dress Uniforms, Including a Clear Example of Why Sometimes One Person Can Need Two Hats: Bonspiel, by Basingstoke. Due South, Turnbull/Fraser/Kowalski. This story completely destroyed my critical faculties; I honestly can't say whether it's good or not, because my brain seized up on me somewhere in the first couple paragraphs. Turns out there are certain things my neurons just refuse to contemplate, and this threesome is at least one of them. But several lines had me giggling uncontrollably, including most of Turnbull's dialog - especially what he says when he comes. And if anyone out there was pining for NC-17 PWP BDSM stories involving this particular trio, handcuffs, Stetsons, and spanking, well, pine no longer. But if your neurons are anything like mine, you might not want to read this on a day when your brain needs to be at peak functioning capacity.
 
 
 
Sascha: laughing kick - gravity girlgreenet on June 17th, 2004 07:04 pm (UTC)
Best FF That Proves Excessive Snow + Lack of Quality Television = Insanity + Group Sex, Which Suggests That Norway Must Be a Very Interesting Place to Live

*snickers!*

I only wish.
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on June 17th, 2004 11:17 pm (UTC)
Well, there's snow, yes? And terrible television, correct? So there must be nearly constant group sex (not to mention widespread insanity). My calculations cannot be wrong!

Shame on you. Do not cast aspersions on the (essentially proven) theories of the Mad Slash Scientist1.

1Hmmm. I feel an icon coming on.
Sascha: Draco - jess79greenet on June 18th, 2004 02:20 am (UTC)
*snickers more*

Ah, yes. Norwegian programming consists mainly of tv shows from the States and England, so...

But of course there is group sex! All the time! That was totally my mistake! ...I'm just so jaded, you know, from seeing it all the time, I forget what's actually going on.

*nods solemnly* Yes. that's definitely it, now that I think about it.
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on June 18th, 2004 02:44 am (UTC)
Ah, yes. Norwegian programming consists mainly of tv shows from the States and England, so...

I'm sorry, but is this not totally proof of the Bad Television Corollary of the Hot Norwegian Sex Theorem?

But of course there is group sex! All the time!

Knew it. I'm just surprised there isn't a tourism campaign based on it. You know: "Come to Norway. Come in Norway." Or perhaps: "We're only showing you this picture of fjords because real life in Norway is totally X-rated."

Really, I think it would be extremely popular with American college students. Or...wait...that's why you don't do it, isn't it? I can't find it in my heart to blame you; American college students are hard to take even in American colleges, never mind in countries filled with snow and bad TV and hot group sex.
Sascha: how did you find me - jess79greenet on June 18th, 2004 03:03 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, but is this not totally proof of the Bad Television Corollary of the Hot Norwegian Sex Theorem?

...

That is so true. We have Rickie Lake. We have Paradise Hotel (which is, of course, nothing compared to the Real Life of Hot Group Sex in Norway and is therefor thoroughly mocked), we have every dumbass Reality show ever made it seems like.

And also CSI, the OC, Angel and Jack Frost. Which I like, and therefor don't count. *g*

Really, I think it would be extremely popular with American college students.

Hush! *lowers voice* You must swear to never reveal this. It's a State Secret! ...The snow, bad tv and hot group sex, I mean. We aren't really supposed to tell anyone about it. Stern men from the Government will come a-knocking on my door any second now, I'm sure of it.
tried to eat the safe bananathefourthvine on June 18th, 2004 03:17 am (UTC)
Stern men from the Government will come a-knocking on my door any second now, I'm sure of it.

Good god! It's a cold-snow-bad-TV-hot-sex secret totalitarian state!

This is not what I learned about Norway in political science, you know. Your men in black - black leather thongs, of course, as this is Norway - must be very, very good. I mean, at secret-keeping. Being good at the hot group sex goes without saying.

I'm sorry, but this is just not something I can keep to myself. Sexy information wants to be free! Were I you, I would flee now, before the men in black leather thongs and boots knocked down my door with their restraints and their gags and their sleek devices of torment.

Although, upon reflection, I could understand why you might not want to.
Sascha: boots - firewillowgreenet on June 18th, 2004 03:30 am (UTC)
This is not what I learned about Norway in political science, you know.

Well, obviously.

I mean, how would the world look if what you learn in PoliSci was actually true?

I shudder to think, really.

Although, upon reflection, I could understand why you might not want to.

I have been a bad, bad girl. I must be punished. *nods*

*looks eagerly towards front door* Damnit, where are they? I'm telling you, since we got a Priest as a Prime minister, Norway's gone totally down hill. Can't trust the government to do anything anymore...